Uncomfortable comment from a work colleague I don’t know

[JenJen94]

I’m a bit unsure how to feel after a comment made to me this morning - whether it’s right I’m creeped out or if I’m over-reacting.

Without being too outing, I work at the head office for a big national company so several thousand employees on site across the week and obviously I don’t know everyone.

I usually park in the same spot every morning (in office 3 days a week) and quite often a man is parked a few spots along who will start at a similar time to me. I don’t know him, never see him in the office or know what department he’s in etc.

Today, he was parked up before me but I saw he was sat in his car when I arrived. I got my stuff out and began to walk to the office. I heard him get out of his car about 15/20 seconds after I walked past.

I got stuck behind someone at the entrance to the office and he had caught up by that point. He said to me ‘got your legs out today then’ as I was wearing a skirt given the hot weather.

I smiled/sheepishly laughed and walked on into the office.

Is this creepy given I don’t know this person or is it just me?

Bollocks. I'm 65. This is stupid, every day sexism.

I'm another firmly of the opinion that this isn't something a man would say to another man he didn't know

And yet several of us on this thread have said we have heard men saying this, and very similar things, to other men they don't know* wearing shorts, so your opinion is ill-informed and incorrect.

(*i e. known by sight, as in this case.)

Absolute pure bollocks has anyone heard a man say this to another man they don't know.

Yes! I've heard it in all sorts of situations and none of them have been a sleazy come one. Just a light hearted acknowledgement that summer is coming. I'm soooo glad I'd hear it in the way that it is intended because its a damp sight happier than the offended response

I heard it about a week ago along with something about milk bottles (legs not exposed to the sun). No one was offended. Everyone laughed. Men, women...

Oh don’t start that bullshit. If men don’t know how to not be dicks, that’s their issue.

This would always have been a creepy comment, it’s just that back on “those days” we were expected to take it.

There is no situation where a stranger should be making comments like this to women.

In your opinion, it's not okay, you don't get to decide for everyone else.

Plenty of us are okay with it.

Well the OP wasn't- is she supposed to smile sweetly because you are okay with it?

Have we fallen into some sort of time warp?

No one has heard a man say this to another man who they do not know.

Where did you get that from?

I was replying to the post I quoted funnily enough,

You said "In your opinion, it's not okay, you don't get to decide for everyone else.Plenty of us are okay with it"The OP , isn't. I wouldn't be- you don't get to decide for us.

🙄🙄I wasn't deciding for you. I said plenty of us. It was the PP stating as fact it wasn't ok - end of.

🙇🏻‍♀️

It really comes down to how you feel, do you believe it was sexual?

We all have socially awkward moments and things come out wrong. If he has never done or said anything remotely inappropriate before, if it were me I would chalk it up a comment about the weather that came out wrong. It's a serious thing to be reported for sexually harassing someone at work so I wouldn't want to report someone if I wasn't sure or uncomfortable.

It is what it is. You can make something of it or not.

If he was wearing shorts to work would you take notice? You don't have to say something to notice a difference in style. And be honest with yourself, you literally got your legs out for the day. It's not sexual to comment on a body part that you are putting on full display and everyone cans see. If he mentioned your nails or your hair or your makeup, would you be offended? If a woman said it, would you be offended?

He should probably just have kept his gob shut, but if this is all there is, let it go or you will look like a loon. If he does anything similar keep notes. Don't keep posting it online though, that's just daft.

I can't believe the nonsense posted here!!

"It's not sexual to comment on a body part that's on full display" wtf?!? If I'm wearing s skirt that doesn't mean my legs are "on display" like in a gallery. And some comments certainly could be sexual and inappropriate.

And it doesn't really matter if you've ever heard a man say that to a other man - there is a different power dynamic between men and women that means comments like this are simply not appropriate any more.

I wear skirts and have some male FRIENDS comment that I look nice but they are friends who know me and know I'm fine with that. Simply not ok for a male colleague you've never spoken to before to comment like he did.

I think plenty of people here would don't realise that in big organisations (esp the civil service) this could get someone into trouble.

If he wants to flirt with you there are inoffensive ways to do it.

Park somewhere else.

I've often heard blokes make similar comments to each other if they're wearing shorts I just think it's weather chat.

You kinda just nailed it Rumple. If YOU find it ok due to familiarity, then YOU excuse the behavior. But someone YOU don't know isn't allowed to do the exact same thing. This is another example that shows it's not the behaviour, but the familiarity of the receiver to the sender. We shouldn't argue cause and affect when we truly don't understand the true cause of the affect.

This is a perfect example of you, and many others, placing arbitrary invisible rules on everyone, without warning, but able to change them, at will, depending on your view of the act as it relates to your relationship to the sender.

You also validate so many men who are confused by rules that women argue are normal and universal, but in practice are far from. Some women could care less, while other do but not enough to say anything, while others find it tantamount to sexual assault.

Stories need to be straightened.

You've heard men, who are strangers to each other, say "got your legs out?" to each other?

I don't believe you.

I think he’s trying to flirt just maybe not the way you like it. That is what I would put it down to. Not creepy.

It seems entirely reasonable to me that some things are fine between people who know each other, but not fine between strangers? Doesn’t feel like that is an unusual or arbitrary line to draw?

Agreed, when the line is clear or known. In almost all cases, it isn't. A friend to the recipient might not consider themselves a friend back, or vice-versa. These are usually merky waters and they usually stays merky until a line has been crossed.l, especially nowadays in the 4th wave of feminism were a males behaviour is solely judged not on his merit but the woman's perception of it.

Personally, I wouldn't say what he said to someone I barely knew, but that isn't me acknowledging anything inappropriate, just that there are more eloquent things that could be said.

If we leave behaviour policing only to the receivers, then the decisions become individual and not societal. Opinions become the rule of law with facts and common sense being replaced with conjecture and the oftentimes inaccurate judgement of personal experience.

I've heard men, who know each other in passing eg at school run, comment on the choice to wear shorts (or sandals or flip flops) eg 'legs out? That's brave' etc