To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

And for the record... nobody's salary is being cut in half by tax.

Are you joking?

Agree, it’s a tone deaf thread but if she has rich friends she will seem poor, ages not comparing herself to someone on £30k as she’s not hanging round with those people.

obviously the difference is that most people have some emotional intelligence which tells them this and don’t post like the op.

The cars could be company cars. Our big car is company owned, and a perk of working in the car industry, we could never afford to own it!

@Travelenthusiast maybe your early experience of being poor means you can't enjoy your wealth with confidence and you are saving more than your neighbours and friends.
You will probably be better off for it in the long run.

Also years ago when I was wondering why on earth my salary had increased exponentially but I felt poor - I saw something in of my finance groups that said “you can do anything you want but you cannot do everything you want” and I apply that to my finances. Sounds like you want to do a lot more but without knowing your neighbours financial situation you cannot muse on how they are doing it.

I feel like as a society we are being sold a crap aspirational dream of big cars, luxury holidays, constant home remodelling and renovations, high-maintenance beauty regimes, constant eating out, ever-changing fashions. Total victims of capitalism that we feel our value is measured against all this. If you live in suburbia life me, I think the pressure is worse. We're not rubbing shoulders with the people who are managing to opt out of all this.

If she has been poor then this post is even more stupid than first thought.

Some of our neighbours seemed to be doing very nicely thank you up to just over five years ago - big cars, extensions on houses, fancy holidays, new clothes (albeit not very nice clothes)
Then COVID hit. We continued our adequately paid jobs for essential employers while our neighbours work dried up and they spent most of the time moaning to others about lockdown.
I asked some of them about furlough and government grants for self employed - they went amazingly quiet, mumbling something then changed the subject to the usual British fallback of the weather.
Then it dawned on me they had been working cash in hand as much as possible, minimal official profits, everything on business expenses.
They still grumble a lot about places not taking or paying in cash

Has the whiff of a Daily Fail fishing expedition.....

There should be a rule that anyone asking for advice about their own finances has to provide details on income & expenditures.
much like the MSE boards where no one really engages without an SoA.
otherwise it’s entirely pointless

You have a household income of £180k yet still feel jealous of other people?

Have you considered how privileged you are? I suggest you need some perspective.

@MaryOGowrie The income tax you pay disproportionately rockets at over 100k: here’s a link to the 60% marginal tax explained:
taxscouts.com/high-earner-tax-returns/what-are-the-tax-implications-of-earning-over-100k/

You must have absolutely appalling money-management skills if you can't make £180K a year.
DH and I, plus 2 kids "manage" on a combined about £50K, have a lovely 3-bed semi in a nice area in a large midlands town, and feel like we have plenty of disposable income. I'd kindly suggest that you're doing it wrong.

You’re doing something very wrong if you can’t afford anything above a basic standard of living on that salary

i guess this is the definition of whatever you have, people will always want more. You’ll never be happy because you always compare yourself to what others have.

How on earth are you struggling to afford a car and clothes etc on a household income of 180k?

First answer got it.

You guys are in your 30s, almost at the top bracket of family income in the UK and you still feel "a bit jealous"?

Whatever 🙄

Very true that you don't know what people get through work or other connections.

Mr Monkey is a distance runner as hobby. He always has stacks of the latest trainers (ones that are upwards of £250 a pair) and runs lots of races that cost upwards of £50- £100 to enter. A friend of ours who recently took up running asked how we afford it as it was a very expensive hobby.

Well the truth is he doesn't pay for a lot of it - he works for a running shoe company so gets a lot of the latest shoes and kit for free or very cheap, he volunteers as a pacer for many runs meaning he gets free entry to a good 2/3 of the organised runs he takes part in and we treat the one international marathon he does a year as part of our holiday budget (he ran Boston last year so that was our big holiday).

Sorry but your budgeting is bad. You state you can’t afford to replace clothes frequently but you eat out twice a month and book £15k holidays.

Of course I understand your tax situation and the expectation that your money should go further than you think. But you are in your thirties and perhaps comparing yourselves to others with different financial circumstances and priorities.

Many have lease cars that may look expensive but are simply on finance. Others may have purchased their properties years ago at cheaper prices etc etc.

You are doing exceptionally well at your age and I would consider your situation positively rather than trying to compare to others that you know nothing of their actual financial circumstances.

This ⬆️

You should move next door to me then you will feel super rich

DH and I are mid 50s with a combined of £130k. Wowza you've both done well for yourselves.

It depends on the circles you mix in. I don’t know anyone spending millions on a house and never will (I am in a profession but low ish paid.)

Interesting ……

@Travelenthusiast Maldives? Seychelles? The Bahamas? These should be well within your stretched low earning budget?