To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

The problem is you’ve put this in AIBU. For what it’s worth, I feel exactly the same. I’m going to DM you. So much for Mumsnet being full of only high earners… Clearly anyone who earns less than you is enraged by this. Tall poppy syndrom. And that’s one of the reasons we have such a pathetic growth agenda and start ups that have any aspiration end up fleeing abroad. That and our crazily punitive tax system and low wages vs housing costs (yes even yours).
The angry posters need to know that your salary is probably nearly cut in half by tax and one of you may well have lost your 12.5k tax free allowance…If you’re spending thousands on a large mortgage plus commuting plus childcare, it’s easy to see where your money has gone.
I would actually suggest meal boxes are a great way to inadvertently budget (yes really) especially as they keep you away from supermarkets to do a quick top up shop which always ends up costing £££. And the best holidays we have had have been non-AI ones.

They may be priotising spending.

FIL used to get asked how he and MIL afforded so many hoilday by his workmates - he point out unlike then he wasn't in the pub every evening - but working an allotment and home cooking and priotising the holidays.

The post about 2 in front of me is spot on. Families where they all drive a fleet of Range Rovers because it's "through the business", including all the SAHMs. They will be racking up all sorts of financial benefits "through the business" also.

Why is having 2 children at uni "crippling"?
Ours applied for student loans and did part time work, then summer jobs. What's costing so much, @WatermelonLolly ?

I feel like the OP has got an absolute bashing on this thread. We have a take home income of around 40k a year combined so your take home is huge compared to what we’re on. We can afford a standard house with normal mortgage and run 2 ten and 11 year old cars, having a UK holiday this year which will cost us around 800 pounds for accommodation which is a bit of a stretch and we’re having to save for.
it’s not a race to the bottom and I think OP, the way to look at it would be that there are people doing better than you, and people who are far, far worse off. That’s how I think of it, when I feel like we don’t have a lot on our average salaries I think of those that would love to be in our position where they had managed to get on the property ladder, could run a car and could afford to put food on the table.

I see exactly what you mean people have a lot of wealth where you are. I know of people buying 8-10 million pound houses and doing a whole refurbishing that add a couple of millions more. Do not even get me started on the stamp duty? Anyway good for them but definitely do not dream doing that on £180 k of course. How do they do it? Jobs that pay million plus same in bonus with big inheritance added and tax efficient system. You are a tiny fish in a big pond.

My Friends that have more now we are in our 30's either had more help from family or were incredibly sensible when they were younger. One friend has never been a high earner career wise, but scrimped to buy her first flat really young and has steadily done up properties before moving to something else that needs work ever since. She chose to work constantly throughout uni, lived at home, and rarely joined us on nights out or holidays. Now she's reaping the financial benefits 🤷‍♀️

Others have had inheritances young. A couple chose a trade rather than uni and set up their own businesses whilst I was still living like a teenager. And some put everything on credit and are living beyond their means.

Honestly though, your life sounds far more financially comfortable than many others so I'd stop comparing (or move up north, it's far easier to afford a better quality of life up here).

Gosh, poor you.

You are objectively very well off and should enjoy that rather than worrying about others - comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

But to answer your question as to how they have more, they either:

Earn more

Are racking up debt

Don't build up savings, which you say you are doing

Have had family help

Make savings in other areas of their lives that you don't see (i.e. cheaper holidays, plan meals to reduce supermarket costs). For example, my husband wanted a nice car. He doesn't have expensive hobbies, he doesn't really drink, we saved up for it first, and then he spent about 6 months looking for a second hand one at a really good price. To an outsider, we just look like we have a nice car and how do we afford it. I love our car, I could be grumbling about how we couldn't afford a new one like some people, but instead I know we're in a lucky position to have it.

Rarely afford to replace shoes or clothes but can afford a 15k holiday 😂.

Great point about the increasing number of ‘woe is me’ threads from affluent people feeling the pinch. It will be interesting to see how it plays out societally & economically. A lot depends on how the economy here & globally performs.

It must be truly galling for people genuinely struggling to pay for rent & food to read how hard up people think they are when they have a champagne lifestyle,

Yeah, I think I know what I would do in that situation...

Ok normally I defend people here who may have an above average income and struggle.
But you cannot be confused how people fund their life when you have a household income of £180k

Give your head a massive wobble. I earn half what you have and am comfortable more or less.

You need a budget. That will help you to see where you are going wrong.

Pay for YNAB, go to the classes. Your problem is not lack of income it’s financial mismanagement.

This whole thread will fill up in about four hours ...

...due to dozens of people in a frenzy keen to express their incredulity at the OP.

This is peak Mumsnet.

Mumsnet won't want to delete it as they're getting eyeballs.

The OP made a show of "I'll get them to delete" but I'm sure is enjoying the attention.

And everyone else gets to froth that someone else is earning lots of money and doesn't realise how lucky they are.

It's so pointless.....

If you’re on £180k a year in a “modest” 3 bed not in London you’re really screwing up.

we are on a fraction of what you earn, modest 3 bed, one non fancy holiday a year, occasional meals out, and can still afford to replace cars and shoes.

You need to review your finances with someone who is good at maths.

I don’t get it. If your car works, why do you need a different one? With clothes I get why people ‘update their look’ even when they have other, wearable clothes already, because there’s a big element of self-expression in what people wear. But a car just drives you somewhere. If it does that, I genuinely don’t understand why you would even think about it being 10 years old or not being a 4x4 or whatever.

Seriously OP. My full time business earns 24k a year.
I haven’t had a holiday for 22 years and I drive a 22 year old car. I can’t afford to have children.
Posts like this are, frankly, gross.

I have read loads of these threads, and yes people in the south do have higher costs.

But a 15k holiday? Nope. This is not the squeezed middle.

Stop moaning. Christ.

This
Be happy with what you've got and stop trying to compare yourself to others.
Others might be in loads of debt to have what they have, nothing to be jealous of at all imo.

OP you’ve now deleted your account but honestly feel free to PM me. Lots in common. Except we have a in even higher income (as DH is ancient and probably at the end of his career so not a stealth boast) but only manage to pay for private school as we bought nearly two decades ago and used an offset mortgage to largely pay down the debt… it’s also more expensive to move to a similar house in an area where there are vaguely good secondaries. We have zero designer clothes, pay outright for a car after running our old diesel into the ground and eat out once a month as a family if that and takeaways maybe once a fortnight. This is on what is an eye watering headline single income (I’m looking for work) but is entirely eaten up by school fees. Our house has become so dilapidated in parts that I’m embarrassed to invite people over. We have to save up to do work to it in chunks eg essential repairs to windows.

This 100%

Maybe mumsnet could make a special topic section for people on extremely high wages but with shockingly poor money management skills. There seems to be plenty of them

You earn way more than me op but sounds like im happier than you.
I fund my life on a shoe string.
No debts no owing anything i live cheep.
I dont own credit cards.
No renting appliances.
What i have is mine out right.
All bills up to date.
Plus my biggest savings was i never wanted kids or a husband.

Do piss off OP!!!!