To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

I know..... right! How can one be expected to live like this 😫

Pathetic and nasty (and no I’m not on benefits).

Wow, £10k is more than I get in a year (am on benefits).
I manage to pay bills, and be able to eat, clothe myself and have a bit for hobbies.

If you can't on £180k then.... I don't even know.

People do all sorts of things to temporarily escape reality. Although admittedly some are more expensive than others… and some are healthier forms of escapism than others…

A few spring to mind :

Binge watching tv, listening to true crime podcasts, reading books, drinking wine, immersing themselves in celebrity gossip, even engaging in romantic relationships or popping out another baby can sometimes be a form of escapism or distraction from the day to day reality …the list goes on! Just because something enriches your life and you prioritise it - it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unhappy. Or if it does the same applies to people doing all those other things I’ve listed above.

On £180,000 you should be able to afford to replace your car and get a bigger house and buy new clothes. Look at your outgoings because clearly something isn’t adding up.

But the answer is - they either: manage their money batter or have different priorities, earn more than you, have taken out loans or have family money/ lottery money. Those are the options.

If you stop eating out a few times a month, you'll have plenty of money for clothes. You can replace the car on a loan to sale set up.

The problem is £180,000 between two people isn’t really enough to let you live like the tope few %, because you’re not earning enough, and you haven’t been earning at that level long enough to accumulate wealth. There’s an article in the economist about this - you are a Henry. High Earner Not Rich Yet

You can't afford to replace clothes and shoes for you and your DH but you can afford a yearly holiday, sometimes a luxury holiday? You need to get your priorities straight.

Our 30s with new mortgage and young kids was the hardest decade - but we'd spent our 20s saving the 50K the OP was gifted for a house.

I did look round but knew why others had more ( we had way lower income than OP) - they didn't go to Uni so bought houses earlier so had lower mortages and hosues already done up so they'd been paying off longer and often had at least partial help with childcare. A house move to one needing less work and better mortage deal and wage increases meant early 40s were a lot easier.

I would have thought inhertance or more debt - maybe interest only mortages - or higher incomes would be the obvious anwer for the OP. Though I agree if she waits it out pays down mortages builds saving next few decades should be much easier but in meantime she really should look at her spending and where they are priotising.

Tax means the difference isn’t as much as you would think.

on 2 salaries of £40k the take home would be around £65k for the household, plus you would be eligible for child benefit, free childcare, etc.

On one salary of £180k the take home would be £107k and there would be no child benefit or free childcare. It is still a substantial amount but less than you might think from the gross figure.

I think if you earn £10k a month you'd imagine you could afford a nice house in a nice area, new clothes and shoes as and when needed, a nice car or two and a lovely annual holiday. OP can afford some of these things, but not all and is simply wondering why, and how everyone else seems to manage it. It is pretty obscene that £10k net a month won't cover all that.

I said nothing about the south east. I live on the south east. Very confused by your response?

The slightly distressing reality is, if one earner has a salary of £180k, puts 7% into their pension and is still paying a student loan on the post 2012 scheme (which someone in their mid thirties could be) then their take home pay is around £7,700. That's not far off 50% gone before it hits the bank, and whil clearly very comfortable is not really in 'high earner' as in top 5% level.

I think also that we can't 'cope' with the level of visibility we have over everyone's lifestyle because of social media nowadays. Based on instagram or whatever, it appears as if someone is always having an extension, a new kitchen or has moved to a bigger house, but it's not all of your friends and it's not every year. Each time it's s different one. There is always someone on a fantastic holiday, but it's not everyone of your friends and (with the odd exception) its not the same people all the time. There's always someone getting a new car, better car, additional car, but again it's not everyone every year. But all you see on your feed is 'people' having a new car, a fantastic holiday or a new kitchen and you think you should be able to do all of that at the same time.

The reality is you need to be a high or very high earner for long enough to save / invest enough, have cleared the mortgage to be able to do everything you want. £180k, regrettably, is not enough. And mid 30's is (a) not old enough for most to be at the peak of their earnings potential, (b) too young to have benefitted from asset / property price growth much and (c) too young, unless unlucky, to have inherited much.

@HomeTheatreSystem

The op is looking for a holiday in the Maldives, budget £15k
She could still get a very nice holiday for £10k and have £5k for clothes
It's all choices isn't it?

It is all about choices though in fairness to OP, she did say in her post that :

I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally.

The Maldives holiday may be her occasional expensive/luxury holiday choice, rather than indicative of how she holidays annually. But my point remains, you'd imagine you could afford all this quite easily on her income but the sad fact is that she can't: she still has to make choices which for her is to spend the money on experiences rather than nice cars and clothing.

I googled a TUI AI holiday in Turkey for a family of 4 in the summer holidays and that came out at ~ £6k. She's looking to spend £9k more than that on her occasional luxury blowout holiday. I can completely understand why she is baffled.

She may come to make her peace with the fact that despite coming from a poor background and now netting £10k a month, she still has to budget as to where the money goes to meet their wants/needs.

My heart bleeds.

It's not about how you or I would manage this budget but simply that there's an expectation that such a stonking amount of money would buy more than it does.

Is this a wind up? You are in the top 1% income bracket. Only a fool couldn't do well on that. Never forget that the minimum wage is about £11 per hour or about £21kpa if indeed you can find full time work and the median income is about £30kpa. Run everything through that filter. As for holidays, we've just booked for high season in Corfu. Will be the most expensive holiday we've had for quite some time. It will cost £2500 for flights, train fares to airport, transfers at the other end, a studio flat for 2 and all our food etc for 16 days in peak season.

And the kids wouldn't care whether it was the Maldives or a camp site in Devon

I understand what you're saying, OP. If 200k gets you a 3-bed house and a 10-year-old car, you're wondering what the people who live in your area must be bringing in. I wonder that kind of thing about people in the area I live too. I've decided a lot of people must have inherited their homes as they'd need to be bringing in millions per annum to afford the houses, cars and holidays.

Hi op,

it is very easy to spend…that is it really. The more you have, the more you are expected to spend and so on…

Make wiser choice in your spending. Or change your mortgage advisor. Probably both.

Good luck🌺

I would be happy to earn 180k a year to be honest. There are people out there who earn a lot less, and arent on here maoning about how they cant afford to buy things

Blimey, I live on a carers allowance of £83 a week (caring for my adult daughter) I cannot recall the last holiday we had. I ate crackers, cheese spread and tomatoes for my lunch... BUT
We sat outside and blew bubbles in the sunshine this afternoon, we laughed so much and I actually thought how lucky are we to have this precious time together and to have a pretty (little) garden to sit in..
We might not have much but when you have little, you learn appreciate little things.
I think well off folk just look around and want more, step back and look at the bigger picture, you have food to eat and a roof over your head, it's really not so bad, is it?

I earn half your income, live alone and manage to afford all of that and struggle to spend all my money. No credit cards, no debt apart from a typical mortgage on a 3 bed house.
Wtf are you doing with it all? 😅