To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

Ok, so if you believe that, that's what you'd answer then.

You won't say 'are you joking' or whatever, implying that she has no right to ask the question because she herself earns more than average.

Personally I think it's really useful to see what people earn and what they do, and to cross ref it with their class background/private school etc.

It's never a question of 'they just work 5 x harder than nurses and teachers'.

She can’t afford to replace shoes or clothes but can afford a £15k holiday to the Maldives.

What always feels so alien to me is people who seem to feel that holidays are some sort of essential - that kind of vibe comes up a lot on these threads.

Holidays are nice, and there's no doubt there are stress-relieving benefits that come with being able to get away, but I seriously just live such a different life from high earners and attitudes to holidays really seems to be a barometer. I haven't been abroad in five years, and go away maybe once a year to a very cheap UK destination, if possible. It's crazy to me how different peoples' lives can be and what we're used to. I wouldn't think anything of a whole year with no holiday - it would just be totally normal to me.

Well if a single teacher at the local primary was coming to school in a chauffeur driven rolls royce, wearing Chanel couture and lived in a twelve bedroom mansion then yes it would cross my mind how they afforded it but if it was an affluent neighbour in an affluent neighbourhood then no, I’m not going to wonder why they have three cars to my two. OP is doing well, she said so herself, just not, apparently, doing as well as some of her neighbours.

I haven’t had a holiday for eight years. I honestly can’t say I miss it even though I have holidayed in some very nice places, in some very nice hotels. I’ve just never been one of those people who absolutely have to have a holiday (vacation), even when under huge stress. My sister would not be able to function without her numerous holidays and mini breaks every year.

This is so important - everyone’s “normal”
is different. On a bit of a tangent I wish talking about money was more normalised - what people earn, what they spend as it seems here in uk talking about money is the biggest taboo

@Rosie8880

I don't think it's necessarily talking about money in itself that gets people riled.
For me I'm just baffled that people who are in jobs on high salaries can't work out for themselves why or how other people fund their lifestyles.
It's also about grasping the stage of life you are at.
I've been told I'm lucky because I have no childcare costs or mortgage. I'm not lucky. I'm 60 - I've done the mortgage bit, no inheritance, no big money gifts, just my 25 years hard slog. My son is grown up. So of course I have disposable income.

Are you happy to tell all and sundry your financial status and spending? Lady at the bus stop? Your dentist? Just who should we be having these talks with?

I’m not that poster but yes, I am. Financial transparency - and being open about financial help - is really important for social mobility

And how does that work because I’ve told the lady at the bus stop my finances?

One thing that is never mentioned is crime & the proceeds!

It’s not envy but if anyone can explain why OP can’t afford to replace shoes and clothes but can afford a £15k holiday to the Maldives, I’m all ears.

You must be the most incompetent budgeter ever. Are you absolutely certain how much money you earn?

I'm glad someone has brought this up. It's not just the vibe that holidays are essential, I often get the impression that they are some kind of entitlement, and with that comes the belief that only luxury foreign ones are worthy of the epithet.

I sometimes think that the people who think like this must be so deeply, deeply unhappy with their normal day to day lives that temporarily escaping from them is the only coping mechanism they have.

I agree.

I find holidays away tiring! Sometimes they are a means to an end but I do love being at home in the garden!

We luckily live in Cornwall but when the kids were small we often went camping the other side of town! Honestly any camp site is like being away. And the kids could take friends because their parents just dropped them.off!

We did have some foreign holidays. The children now they are older remember all our holidays with fondness though. The memories are not exponentially better based on price.

OP, I think you need to budget.

Perhaps share your incomings and outgoings?

Bringing in £10k ish net every month and can't afford to replace clothes and shoes.

Did anyone get the tiny violin out yet or is it just so small I missed it?

What you’re essentially moaning about is house prices. I get it - even a really healthy salary can’t get you much more than a very ordinary smallish house in MANY areas (not even just the really posh ones). We’re the same, but jointly earn 100k and live in the SW. Even then a nice 3 bed with an average garden that isn’t in a state of disrepair is £450,000 unless you want to live in the middle of the local sink estate. It’s really depressing.

Wtf. Is your other half squirreling away half your money or something? My husband is starting a new business and our joint income is currently about £70k. From what you've said we're living the same lifestyle but we have 3 kids and debt from previous serious illness. We have a very low mortgage but this still doesn't add up.

OP, you money doesn’t stretch very far, because you are paying buckets of tax to pay benefits for people who are having a go at you on this thread.

Just checked Rightmove for an expensive area in the SE near London and there's a few semi detached 3 bed houses for £1.2 - £1.3million - that's a potentially huge mortgage - maybe £6000 a month. It's not any fancier than elsewhere but it's the location that adds the ££££ - we'll never know as OP isn't coming back.

You probably just need to move away from the SE! Honestly, we own a detached cottage with 8 acres in a rural spot further north in the UK, run two (albeit ancient) 4x4s, and still manage a family holiday every year, on a THIRD of your income.

Bore off op

You have a joint income of £180k and can’t afford new cars

what do you spend your money on!

Or shoes?!!!?