To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

It’s not tone-deaf to talk about money it’s real. There’s always someone earning more and someone earning less, that’s the way the world spins. Pretending otherwise is the real insult. Unless you’re telling me places like this Mumsnet, LinkedIn, wherever suddenly became forums exclusively for working-class grievances, then people talking about pay, investments, or opportunity isn’t arrogance, it’s information. It's survival. You don’t protect people by keeping them ignorant of the playing field

It's weird to track the spending habits of your friends and acquaintances like this. I'm vaguely aware when someone is wealthier or poorer than me but I don't care enough to pay further attention.

If you think someone's living a more expensive life than you then the answer is pretty obvious (and the same reason others might think you live a more expensive life than them).

They earn more. They saved more. They're borrowing more. They inherited or have been gifted more. They look like they're spending but they've managed to do it on the cheap. Those are basically all the answers and they're not that deep and not that interesting.

There will always be people earning different amounts at any given time that’s simply reality, not insensitivity. Discussing finances openly isn't tone-deaf unless we’re suggesting these spaces are now reserved only for a narrow slice of society.

I actually manage to just about survive on the meagre amount of money the government deems I deserve. So I'm afraid my sympathy levels are somewhat nonexistent.

I don't have holidays and I don't own a car and never have. Maybe if you were in my position you'd consider suicide to be the best option?!

Minimum loans not even covering accommodation, high commuting costs, dcs struggling to find summer work which we really needed them to get, despite applying for loads, it seems in our area there wasn’t much around last summer. One dc is limited because they can’t drive so less work options nearby. Had a zero hours contract at a cafe but kept getting shifts cancelled on the day, at times was dressed and ready to start and had a text saying not needed. (Usually due to poor summer weather and less visitor numbers). So lack of earning not their fault and impact us.

and it seems they are all better at money management.
if Posters think a family on £10k a month can easily afford a 4x4 for example like a Land Rover and still go on holidays, dine out, buy expensive clothes plus all other mortgages and expenses then it’s clearly they’ve been living under a rock for the past 6years.
yes £10k is more than enough to live on comfortably but it doesn’t have the buying power it once had.

Well said.

No one is saying you can’t discuss income or wealth or money matters. Everyone is saying it’s done deaf to complain about not having as much as your neighbours and constantly coverting their 4x4s and Botox and holidays or whatever they might have that you are perceiving is more than you have. That’s the problem. Lots of people manage on a lot less and are not jealous of other people’s lives. Be happy with what you have, especially when it’s actually a lot more than most folk.

Not complaining, just observing.

why is it tone deaf? You surely expect people with higher salaries to be able to afford more than those on lower? Otherwise we may as well all do minimum wage part time work and reduce the stress levels a bit.

There’s nothing wrong with talking about money, success, or even what your neighbours have. That’s not tone deaf that’s living in the real world. People notice differences. They always have. Discussing it isn’t complaining it’s observing, understanding, maybe even strategizing. Calling it ‘tone deaf’ is just a way of telling people to shut up because it makes others uncomfortable. But real life isn’t about pretending everyone’s situation is the same. It’s not. It never has been. Talking about it openly isn’t disrespectful

Wow...read the room with the woh is me I don't have a 4x4 crap op.

As a single parent I had just my income. A mortgage no debt and a car to run on a 25k salary working full time and relying on my retited parents for childcare. Get over yourself.

On 180k joint salary and a 50k gift deposit you are literally earning 10x what a lot of families survive on.

But @queenofarles

I'm quite happy to accept there is little people can do about house/rent prices, everything else is a choice
You don't have to have big expensive cars, expensive holidays etc etc. That's all choice.
And this all contrasts sharply with the 'advice' people on benefits or low incomes are given about how to budget and live within your means

This thread is a bit of an own goal. 180k is massive and is not even within the realms of many people's reality. To come on MN to complain is more than a little bit ridiculous.

Equally there’s nothing wrong with saying how you feel and I am allowed to state the fact that I think it’s ridiculous to complain about lack of material things and constantly comparing yourself with others. It’s a discussions board so people can say and think what they like. You don’t get to police that. Mumsnet do and will remove any comment that’s harmful.

It’s astonishing to me that someone seemingly intelligent enough to obtain a high paying job is asking dumb questions that a pre-teen could answer.

But if you compared yourself to others in a similar position to you, with similar income, and found that they were able to afford substantially more with a hugely different standard of living, you would be interested to know how as well. It is just human nature to be curious it doesn’t mean you are complaining about your lot.

Aw poor you. Nothing worse than having lots but knowing others have even more. Thoughts and prayers.

I would say this and add in - fuck right off!!

Assuming this goady post is real and not some made up shite.

Do your navel gazing in private next time.

I somewhat agree with @WatermelonLolly

I think the OP is very fortunate financially and I know people on far less who live far more luxurious lives so I think something is off here.

But to be fair yeah I do I understand if she sees others earning less or similar able to afford more and she is confused and wants to know how.

Hopefully this is a sign to her to look into their finances more.

Well stop comparing! This is just keeping with up the Joneses crap.

I’ve got a car but they’ve got a better one.
I’ve got a house but they've got a better one.
I have nice holidays but they have better ones.

Sheesh.

Spot on. People on low wages are told they most they should expect is a bedsit or a room in a HMO. They can't expect ANY form of holidays or social life or fun and certainly shouldn't have children. These are all views I have seen on here. Minimum wage = minimum lifestyle. I rarely see any sympathy although I rarely see minimum wage workers starting these threads....

I suppose they would be told to get a better job or go back to school and work harder anyway.

I often wonder how people who earn such large salaries do so, when often their basic cognitive abilities and critical thinking skills are so severely lacking.

What job pays so much but only requires an IQ in the potato range? Asking for a friend…

Different people will have very different ideas about what a luxury lifestyle looks like. And once you've been used to living on a higher salary your idea of what luxury means will probably change.

Our council tax is a fraction of yours (I was amazed when I read council tax of £500) so I assume you probably have a bigger house in a nicer area. I don't spend anywhere near £6k per year on holidays but I actually think my holidays are fairly luxurious. I buy furniture from IKEA and Facebook market place, I suspect your furniture is not from Facebook market place. I'm sure my car is a lot cheaper to run than yours. Your normal is probably very different to my normal, your idea of luxury is probably very different to mine.

I don't think it's surprising that everyone is feeling less wealthy at the moment regardless of their salary as we're in the midst of a cost of living crisis, our money is worth less now than it was a few years ago. I'm not surprised that the COL crisis is also affecting those on higher salaries, but I do assume they should be able to cope with it by budgeting. That's how I'm coping with the COL crisis anyway. It's people on lower salaries I'm worried about because I imagine there's not much they can cut back on.

Educated idiots I believe!

It’s none of her business how or why they have more. Maybe they had an inheritance, maybe they are up to their eyeballs in debt, maybe they run their own cartel. What a waste of energy wondering why someone has more than you when you already have a lot.