To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

It's not that tough though is it? People on a higher salary get used to spending more. When inflation rises more quickly than salaries, everyone has to find ways to cut back, including those on higher salaries. But those with higher salaries have far more unnecessary luxuries they can cut back on.

As a perfect example, the OP has apparently posted another thread asking for advice on planning a holiday with a budget of £15k. I wouldn't dream of spending £15k on a holiday. My last holiday cost under £1k for two people, we found a destination with cheap flights from our local airport, found good value self catering accomodation with a beautiful balcony, cooked a lot of our own food while over there. The activities we did while there were all low cost or free. We had a great time. But the OP presumably has much higher standards for her holidays, she must have if she's spending more than 15x what I'm spending.

She could easily cut down on the cost of her holidays. But she doesn't want to. None of us want to find ways to spend less, but when inflation rises faster than wages we all have to. But those of you who are used to spending more have more unnecessary expenses that you could cut if you wanted to.

Another example - you say you pay for your kids phones (or maybe just your own phones). I wonder how much you pay. I bought a second hand phone, an old model and I bought it outright. It's much cheaper to do that and then pay for a SIM only contact, rather than paying for the latest, newest phone on a contract. I guess not everyone wants a cheap, old, second hand and out of date phone - but it is possible to manage with one if you have to.

Absolutely ripping the piss

To many people are too easily influenced and will get themselves into debt to sustain the ‘look’ and lifestyle that supposedly makes you look marvellous on the outside, whilst secretly drowning in debt. Living within one’s means is a concept so many are incapable of doing or understanding. So many people are weak, insecure creatures deep down.

I think the majority on here still think £10k net a month equates to a very cushy lifestyle , and it really did about 10 years ago , not anymore.
Our school fees are almost 40% higher , housing , groceries, holidays, clothes , shoes etc are all double if not more the price they once usually cost 10-12 years ago.
and I kind of understand the frustration of getting paid this much and end up having so little to show for it.

Yeah i was supporting your statement

Start a gratitude journal. You are already more fortunate (financially) than 99% of people. You won't find happiness with more money- there will always be someone wealthier than you.

We earn a bit less than you combined we pay school fees for one child (grandparents pay for the other) also have an ancient car, high mortgage zone 6 London. We usually go away 3 times a year, have never spent 15k on one holiday, that is probably more than we spend most years combined on a week skiing a two other holidays.

I agree that distorted housing prices and wage stagnation mean that younger people can't often live the lives their parents did & money really doesn't go far these days post tax.

However I think you have over egged it OP but saying you can rarely afford new clothes.

I think the majority on here still think £10k net a month equates to a very cushy lifestyle , and it really did about 10 years ago , not anymore.

I agree but on 10k a month shoes shouldn't be an issue.

Budget more effectively?

your money management must be shocking. we’re a family of 5, less than 40k per year between us and we don’t struggle at all including mortgage, big car, nursery payments etc. wtf are you doing??

I think we all have expectations based on our previous experiences. So when you were growing up or even ten years ago house prices as a multiple of salary were vastly different from what they are now. As are care costs whether nursery or wrap round. That means your income after things like mortgage is that much less.

You don't need to eat out a few times a month and you don't need to spend so much on holidays How on earth do you spend all your money? You need to have a serious look at where it's going and spend less.
Never mind what other people have, they probably owe large amounts on credit cards, bank loans and are up to their eyes in debt all to look like they're super rich when they're not.

Be nice, she can barley afford new shoes not to talk of a 4x4 😂

Hi op just wanted to give you some solidarity. We earn less than you but have our own business and have access to business expenses etc. I feel that despite my husband and I working very long hours with the mortgage two kids cat two cars necessary to get around from our semi-rural town there isn't a lot left. We don't seem to save really. I'm.not sure how other people are doing it either. New cars, car payments, nails, nights out, holidays etc all add up. Maybe they are shopping at lidl and not getting takeaways but somehow I doubt it! I watch Dave Ramsey on YouTube and I wonder if we are starting to see us sized debts here on credit cards and with personal loans.

You have a huge income but without knowing your bills it's impossible to know why you can't afford certain things. One thing that does jump out to me is you eat out a few times a month but yet can't afford new clothes often for you or your partner. In contrast we can afford new clothes though Matalan prices rather than Hugo boss but would not eat out a few times a month. Also you may find some of these people have huge debts.

If you looked at me and DH against some of the people we know we would look poorer because our car isn't brand new and we don't go to Disney etc on holiday. However the reality is we are actually far better of financially than many of them because there cars and holidays are on finance and they have huge mortgages. We have virtually no debts and a really low mortgage which is not far of paid off. Everything including our holiday abroad this year is paid of immediately (put on credit card for security reasons then the bill cleared).

Just because someone has a nice car does not mean they have more money than you.

Hear that faint dripping sound? It's my heart bleeding. I earn £25k and I'm a lone parent.

@Travelenthusiast

its either debt / on credit
or stocks, shares investments etc
or family assistance

people do have different levels of expenses i was in st albans the other day and some rent was 4k a month, so some areas are going to be higher wages but higher costs too ,

Instead of feeling jealous of what you ‘don’t have’, try and feel grateful for what you do.

on threads like these why can people not understand different areas different incomes and expenses etc and why be so rude, to be honest you should be ashamed of your behaviours

re phones, the dcs get a new phone (not the newest model) every 5-6 years bought outright for bday/xmas and I do the same for myself. DH gets his from work. Sim only contracts are about £8-£10 per month.

university top ups for dcs are about £1300 per month, mortgage is around that. Council tax is around £500 per month, holidays about £6k per year. Food bills £800ish pm. Dont eat out much, don’t drink or smoke. Dh is taxed at 60% so take home is lower than you’d expect. We don’t have any debt except mortgage. Fund 2 cars. Furniture in house old, cheap needs updating.

I think the point op was making, which I agree with is that on that salary you would expect to be able to afford to have a luxury lifestyle and do whatever you like , but that is definitely not the case. We need the house updating, new sofas etc, but will have to forego a holiday for this. (Not complaining just factual).

When you hear you are in the top 5% of earners it sounds good, but when you see others having multiple big holidays, having extensions and fancy cars, Botox, new furniture, eating out etc it does make you wonder if you are doing something wrong with your money.

Ha. Just... ha.

The irony and tone-deafness of this (supposedly genuine) thread astonishes me.

Are you being serious?

You're probably just stinger than the people you're jealous of. They SPEND their money that's why they have nicer lives.

You are complaining and yet having holidays that cost 6K a year when there are people who can’t even afford a holiday. It’s all so tone death, it’s unreal.

We moved from the one of most expensive parts of the UK in Bucks 12 years ago and bought a 4 bedroom house here in Norwich. Same price as our two bedroom flat there.

That's basically the solution. You aren't going to buy a mansion in the Home Counties or any other SE part soon. 🤔