To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

[Olive96]

I am currently breastfeeding my son. I can’t help but feel that in an effort to reassure formula feeding families, breastfeeding is totally undermined.

for the record, I think it’s totally fine to feed babies however you want but the truth is that I chose to try extremely hard to breastfeed because of all the benefits. People will say things like ‘formula is so good now there’s basically no difference’ etc. are these statements true or just an attempt to justify (which I don’t think is necessary) FF.

I am proud of persevering with breastfeeding - even saying that I feel like I’ll get flamed, but it’s true - it did take a lot of effort and perseverance, it was hard! and I want to be able to say that and be proud of the achievement without being accused of being up myself or out of order.

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

With respect, if you have post-natal depression I don’t think clicking on threads like this is going to help,
so I would hide topics like AIBU or teach yourself to scroll on by.

All the best x

Would you also be so swayed if they were anti-vaxxers? I don't think so, just do you and ignore (or avoid!) these non-friends

So multiple different groups
Carry on harping on about breast and ff
despite fact that they’re weaning now because babies are 6 months?

op, join new baby groups!

Can younot see that I literally said statistics don't always translate to real life and that i'm giving my experience? My word.

Also, to he honest this is not just something i've picked up on with just me and my husband. Out of all the children i know, some of who are now late teens. There really is no differenc depending on how they were fed.

So you exaggerated

ok

I agree this is strange.

I go to baby groups and have never heard feeding discussed at all. Some FF and some BF, nobody cares.

Diet and how we feed ourselves and families is not an uninteresting issue.

There was a huuuuuge push to BF when I had mine over 15 years ago, I struggled massively but persevered with first and found it was a doddle with baby no.2.

I EBF and then continued to bf until 18 months. The first was a bottle refuser 😂and I didn't even try a bottle with no.2. It did mean that I was absolutely exhausted and drained after all that but it made every day life super simple as we didn't need to bother with bottles, cleaning them, making formula etc.

Mumsnet was extremely BF friendly at the time and I got some stellar advice especially with dc2 when they were refusing etc.

The pendulum has swung right back, MN has been advertising subtly for formula a c couple of years ago and the culture on here now is not as BF friendly as it was.

I will say that it was very important to me to BF but I if you have babies that accept bottles, there are certain advantages too, such as family members feeding and mums getting a night of. Bottle feeding seemed super strange to me in the end as I was only used to BF. But there are advantages with BF, mainly more independence for mums of babies.

DS1 was born four months early and we had a long, extremely tough journey through nicu. As he became big enough to try feeding, I couldn’t breastfeed. Not only did I have far too little milk, but he would turn blue when we tried. We had no choice but to FF.

a nicu nurse told me that if I didn’t breastfeed I would never have a close bond with my son. She informed me that she’d breastfed both of her children for two years and I would never have the bond with my child that she had with hers. I wish I’d complained about her.

Well as is quite common my feelings fluctuate - at 5am I did in-fact feel flat yes. I feel a little better now!

maybe because I know if I go to a baby group today and mention being tired someone will tell me to give them a bottle 😴

As a mum who’s supply was too low to start with and have worked so hard to get it up and now combi feed, I can see it the other way. People do look down on you for formula feeding baby and I feel as though some people think you’re even a better mother for breastfeeding which breaks my heart! Fed is best, I wasn’t prepared to allow my LO to scream crying absolutely starving for days and days, losing weight, not getting nourishment, so I gave her formula. In my heart, I know this is what I needed to do, she is so loved and is thriving! I’m grateful I do have some supply so she gets BM everyday to different extents. But I honestly have been made to feel very guilty about not EBF! All mums as long as their babies are fed, warm, clean and happy, are doing a wonderful job! X

Are you okay?

I guess we do it because we believe it is best for baby and although it can be hard I’ve always thought it was easier once the first 6-8 weeks had passed than having to make up and clean bottles!

I’m proud that I managed to BF feed three babies, all different with the last one being the most difficult!

But I wouldn’t discuss it with most people and I doubt my boys will want to know when they grow up!

just be proud of yourself and know that there are others out there who do understand how difficult it can be and the perseverance needed to make it through!

I breastfed both of mine for two years, they both thrived and are healthy children. Lots told me how great formula is, but I followed my instincts.

What I picked up from your post was “I didn’t give up even when it was really hard, so therefore I’m obviously better than all those mums who are formula feeding because they couldn’t stick it out”

I know you didn’t say that. But that’s what it sounds like to those of us who tried really really hard and it still didn’t establish in those early days! Breastfeeding just sometimes doesn’t work, no matter how hard you try. It’s not about the effort put in.

Personally I felt like everyone around me was judging me for formula feeding, and felt I had to justify constantly why I wasn’t breastfeeding. That shouldn’t be the case, we should be supported to feed our babies whatever way we want.

Amazingly babies live when formula fed and grow up as healthy as babies who are bf. I have DT’s who are in their mid 20’s as a perfect example.

This.

I am genuinely sorry it came across like that - hopefully the subsequent posts I made cleared that up a bit.

I don’t feel that way at all. It’s really hard to get it right when talking about it isn’t it!

I don’t really care how people feed their babies, I just wish people didn’t care how I fed mine

Absolutely. The actual support for BF is tiny- and whether we like it or not is proved by the appalling stats in the UK for how many mums actually breastfeed- 80% try, in England at 6 weeks only 24% still are exclusively, and the stats for the rest of the UK are significantly below that- we have one of the worst rates globally. And yet are constantly bombarded by allegedly being told that BF’ing zealots are the majority and making everyone feel bad about their choices/ necessities to move onto formula…and yet over 75% of mums are formula feeding by 6 weeks, either mixed or fully.

That study is about monkeys. No offence, but I don't think you have the skills and training necessary to understand the scientific literature.

I’m fine. I’m not feeling very flat and wanting to give something up. Whoops… nor are you!

I think you are massively exaggerating!

in any event, you have a school aged child or thereabouts…. Just socialise with those mums more as I’d hazard a guess the very last thing they’re navel gazing about is how they fed their child years ago!

I just wish people didn’t care how I fed mine

they don’t. They really really really don’t

maybe mildly curious early on having had a baby

You’re just unkind in the way you talk to people. This is very ‘oh shut up and get over it’. You didn’t have to respond!

@Olive96 I think you’re being a bit disrespectful here as you really don’t know other people’s stories. For example, if you have had an illness, traumatic birth or other conditions, it can much harder to breastfeed. With respect to yourself, you managed to have enough supply! Ok, you worked hard for it but other mums on here (myself included) would have done everything you did and more to get their supply up and would have wanted to breastfeed desperately and just couldn’t! Are you saying you’re ‘better’ in some way because you believe you worked harder to do it than others? I am really failing to see your point here! Sorry I really hope you don’t think I’m shaming you are goading you in any way, I am just getting a point across because your post has hurt my feelings to be honest! And of course that’s on me, and you are absolutely entitled to your own opinions x

Whatever you do is wrong. Women will
always get that message. Just do what’s best for you and ignore other people’s opinions

Hi - no and I really don’t want people to think that. Have you read my responses on the thread? Hopefully clears things up 😊