Daughter - Nipple piercings , no bra and tight top

[Lardychops]

My daughter is a star. A cracker. Love her to pieces and have a great relationship.
She is 27 nearly 28 and a mum of three lovely boys.
As a teen she missed the whole social media, influencer malarky and as a young teen single mum ( before she later married and had two more kids) was mainly focused on baby, college, friends, going out if opportunity presented and getting by as one does.
Since my daughter’s marriage has broken down and she is now enjoying the bittersweet EOW freedom it brings she has dipped her toe in OLD- fair play - enjoys social media appears to have discovered ‘hotness’. By which I mean someone who previously traded on and enjoyed natural ‘ prettinesss’ and a sort of girl next door young mum persona- being ‘sexy’ now seems to be key. Fair play.
It started with Botox lips and forehead fillers. Then an arm sleeve tattoo of a pin up girl with breast exposed. Okay all good, works hard, saved up, her choice etc, nobody else’s business.
Clothing more recently has become more sexualised I have noticed - pink velvet ‘juicy’ track suits or bum scrunch leggings and crop tops. Again, no judgement here. She is my daughter and I think while it’s a bit of a change she can rock the look- no harm done.
I am reeling, however, at the most recent change.
Pierced nipples ( bars not rings) and she often wears no bra and tight Lycra tops. Very obvious and worn with pride. Oldest grandchild (10) hates it, Giggled at first until his friends older brother said ‘your mates mum must be a porn star on only fans ‘ Grandson has said on numerous occasions to me and his grandad I don’t like people looking at mums boobs all the time at school pick up or in park/recebt camping trip days out etc
I find it very disconcerting, her dad doesn’t know where to look. People ( men) in the street either stare or look embarrassed or judgemental/horrified esp if we have all the kids in tow.
I mentioned this to her politely pointing out that piercings of this nature are part of the adult world due to the area of the body and the sexualised implications, and not something her kids need to be exposed to or worrying about when other people notice them
I was told I am being old fashioned which is bananas as her older siblings have had every fashion phase under the sun without any worry from us. Also her lesbian great aunts are confirmed naturists in their own private shpere and that has been the case since the 1990s. So no prudes here!
I just feel that this crosses a line. And if your eldest child is upset by it as it he is starting to get the gist that there is a sexual undertone blatantly on show then surely enough is enough ?

A bra , nipple covers and less revealing tops are surely the answer - or take them out of bra less in a tight top
It’s not the nips - that’s part of the female body -it’s the piercings I’m struggling with and now my grandson worried I’m finding it’s taking up a huge amount of headspace to the point I’m blinking posting about it now at nearly midnight!!

Daughter finds it hilarious and states nobody has right to police her body etc

AIBU

Oh definitely, the issue is the disgusting comments the boys are making and apparently being given a pass to keep making

Alongside the wider issue of women's bodies being sexualised whilst they just exist

OP needs to be blunt like this. It sounds crude!

Because she's clearly just going about her business, day to day

To repeat what I said above - when women integrate being sexual, being provocative, being edgy etc. into their identity & image to such an extent (Rihanna previously caused very mixed reactions among women by wearing transparent tops/dresses exposing her breasts to public events, she's made music videos in transparent tops exposing her breasts. While Drake managed to not be wearing anything transparent of course) ........

maybe they have trouble switching off.
Maybe they lose sight of what is appropriate to the context.

That appears to be the problem with the op's DD.

This is just one picture of one of MANY celebrities with such piercings

Why do you think that what celebrities do is a valid example for anybody?

Oh definitely, the issue is the disgusting comments the boys are making

She styles herself in a way that, cumulatively, reminds a young man of sex workers online.

That's because she's lip filled, botoxed, wearing tight, skimpy clothes in contexts in which people don't usually wear tight skimpy clothes (eg the beach, clubbing, swingers events) and wearing things that outline her breasts, nipples, and nipple piercings.

I wouldn't say the boys are being "disgusting" ...they are just stating facts as they present to them ; she reminds them of online sex workers ..because she styles herself in a manner common among online sex workers.

Clothing & presentation is context specific for everyone, men & women.
I've seen young men laughing & cringing at a guy who insists on running around the area I used to live in wearing skin-tight lycra leggings that didn't leave much to the imagination re. his genitals and shirtless, if there was a hint of sunshine.

Sorry you have such (fake) trouble processing that.

Op she’s an adult let her live her life

tou can’t rule your life trying to avoid negative comments about such things
thats just pandering to bullies then they’d pick on something else

perhaps this is the first time in her whole life she’s felt a taste of actual freedom ?

Alongside the wider issue of women's bodies being sexualised whilst they just exist

But this isn't "just existing".

This is purposefully outlining a widely considered intimate/sexual body part & the piercings you've had put there - in the context of child & family centred places like schools and camp sites.

If a bloke - for whom nipples are generally considered significantly less sexual - was wearing tight t-shirts with nothing underneath outlining his nipple piercings, people would still be similarly uncomfortable.

They might not say he looks like a sex worker (or they might) but they certainly wouldn't be thinking "that's totally appropriate for around school and family camp sites". His behaviour,/image would affect their kids at the school, just like it's affecting op's grandkids at the school.

perhaps this is the first time in her whole life she’s felt a taste of actual freedom?

Funny how "freedom" involves filling your lips full of shit, getting rid of whatever extremely minor expressions lines a young woman would have by spending money getting shit injected into your face, getting tattoos of pinup girls (an objectifcation of women) with their breast exposed on your body, wearing skimpy clothing, and exposing piercings of your intimate body parts.

That's an interesting kind of freedom.

More like when sexual "liberation" turns into sexual promiscuity and sexual exploitation. Because men are still pulling the strings. The fact she's made all these modifications while heavily into OLD is telling.

She's been a teenage mother, she's now had an ltr with kids break down (all while still in her 20s), she's acting out - the money on the injections and tats would be better spent on counselling.

I find it hard to believe that people would actually be so meh about behaviour that will most likely result in the woman's son being subjected to endless, embarrassing jokes from his peers. He's 10 fgs.

She's risking causing long term damage to her relationship with her children. For what?

Seriously, do none of the people advocating for her right to dress however she likes on the school run remember what it's like being at school?

I don"t think they do, and I don't think they know any children of that age.

it's all very well wanting to look attention seeking, but don"t complain that you can't police what other people say or think. It 's how society operates..

Interestingly, at work we have all just been emailed with a dress code update because some of the attire that some people wear to the office is questionable. The OP's daughter and one or two of the posters on this thread (who like to think "me, I'm different" ) would be sent home to change and wages docked.

Hahahahaha! Safeguarding? Ffs.

Are you suggesting that parents can do what ever they want without caring about their child’s feelings or that their child will be bullied for their actions? He’s a child, she’s an adult! If you want to go about life not caring what others think, great, go for it, but don’t have children who if you don’t care about their feelings.

I'm not saying her son should be bullied

Its telling that rather than thinking bullying needs to be addressed, you're instead trying to police a woman's body to satisfy men....

Hmmm I think it says a lot that you think this woman should police her appearance based on how it makes a boy feel. She’s probably had quite enough of that!

Is there a reason you said “bars, not rings” ? Rings in your nipple are really not the best. It should be bars.

She isn’t naked or inappropriate in front of her child, but they are going to have to come to terms with their mother having nipples. I see absolutely no reason why this is being made into a thing. He should be told to stop being ridiculous, that his mother’s body is none of his concern, and to move on.

Interesting you repeat how there is no judgment but you’ve ladled the judgement pretty thick throughout. Trying to find a solution to your daughter’s nipples being visible through her top? Really?

You are underestimating how other people behave.

I agree that other kids shouldn't be making fun of the boy, but you should realise from the responses on this thread that there is a time and a place to wear "attention seeking" clothing, and thd school run is not one of them.

The OP's daughter lacks the social awareness to realise this. It's all very well wanting to be "individual", but you need to factor in how other people think. Sadly, it's the reality of today's world. We don't live in a silo.

It’s tricky isn’t it. I’m a mum of teen boys and I know they have had comments made by friends over the years. I’m still in decent shape and am partial to a pair of shorts or a crop top in the summer but I would put their feelings first if I thought my style of dress was making them uncomfortable. It’s hard enough being a teenager these days without your mum adding to it.

Why should it be bars? Genuine question btw.

You'd be surprised at how many "agree" clicks by original post attracted then.

That still isn't her DS policing what his Mum wears; that's quite the stretch!!

Much better for the healing process, you ideally want it to heal as a straight piercing fully. Piercing it or healing it with a ring has more issues and would likely delay healing if nothing else. Should stay as a bar for the first few months at least.

I don’t know why the OP felt noting the difference was in any way relevant though?

Not a lot you can do with her being an adult. She is being a bit of a selfish shit mum though, by taking joy in embarrassing her kids and exposing them to bullying. It sounds like she is trying to relive the youth she never had at the expense of her children.

That's in no way comparable though is it.

I hate that women are still being shamed for not wearing bras or whatever when men walk around topless when the tiniest bit of sunshine comes out. It's men who have sexualised breasts. And now we're shamed for having them.

You lost me at Juicy c tracksuit, never mind the piercings!