Daughter - Nipple piercings , no bra and tight top

[Lardychops]

My daughter is a star. A cracker. Love her to pieces and have a great relationship.
She is 27 nearly 28 and a mum of three lovely boys.
As a teen she missed the whole social media, influencer malarky and as a young teen single mum ( before she later married and had two more kids) was mainly focused on baby, college, friends, going out if opportunity presented and getting by as one does.
Since my daughter’s marriage has broken down and she is now enjoying the bittersweet EOW freedom it brings she has dipped her toe in OLD- fair play - enjoys social media appears to have discovered ‘hotness’. By which I mean someone who previously traded on and enjoyed natural ‘ prettinesss’ and a sort of girl next door young mum persona- being ‘sexy’ now seems to be key. Fair play.
It started with Botox lips and forehead fillers. Then an arm sleeve tattoo of a pin up girl with breast exposed. Okay all good, works hard, saved up, her choice etc, nobody else’s business.
Clothing more recently has become more sexualised I have noticed - pink velvet ‘juicy’ track suits or bum scrunch leggings and crop tops. Again, no judgement here. She is my daughter and I think while it’s a bit of a change she can rock the look- no harm done.
I am reeling, however, at the most recent change.
Pierced nipples ( bars not rings) and she often wears no bra and tight Lycra tops. Very obvious and worn with pride. Oldest grandchild (10) hates it, Giggled at first until his friends older brother said ‘your mates mum must be a porn star on only fans ‘ Grandson has said on numerous occasions to me and his grandad I don’t like people looking at mums boobs all the time at school pick up or in park/recebt camping trip days out etc
I find it very disconcerting, her dad doesn’t know where to look. People ( men) in the street either stare or look embarrassed or judgemental/horrified esp if we have all the kids in tow.
I mentioned this to her politely pointing out that piercings of this nature are part of the adult world due to the area of the body and the sexualised implications, and not something her kids need to be exposed to or worrying about when other people notice them
I was told I am being old fashioned which is bananas as her older siblings have had every fashion phase under the sun without any worry from us. Also her lesbian great aunts are confirmed naturists in their own private shpere and that has been the case since the 1990s. So no prudes here!
I just feel that this crosses a line. And if your eldest child is upset by it as it he is starting to get the gist that there is a sexual undertone blatantly on show then surely enough is enough ?

A bra , nipple covers and less revealing tops are surely the answer - or take them out of bra less in a tight top
It’s not the nips - that’s part of the female body -it’s the piercings I’m struggling with and now my grandson worried I’m finding it’s taking up a huge amount of headspace to the point I’m blinking posting about it now at nearly midnight!!

Daughter finds it hilarious and states nobody has right to police her body etc

AIBU

He is, I really liked The Benedict Option, he's talking about UFOs now though!

She hasn't got a teenage boy has she, I thought the OP stated 10, that isn't even a pre-teen.

Seems very sad tbh.

On the list for this week now- on that recommendation! X

He's not a teenage boy, he's 10 nowhere near the Inbetweeners characters.

For someone who gets so cross about a pierced nipple, you seem to watch an awful lot of porn. Or at least, a lot of really rubbish porn.

For someone who gets so cross about a pierced nipple

Cross about a pierced nipple lol

People should pierce whatever the fuck they feel like piercing ..... However if it's perceived to be a sexual or intimate part of their body.... They should probably not highlight/outline in tight clothing, in front of kids & general society.

As I said that is exhibitionism; with others, including children in this case, being forced to be their non-consenting participants.

(And as for the ludicrous argument that nipple piercings are the same as any other piercing - and by that rationale that a nipple is the same as any other body part ....try getting your nipples and their piercings out in a public space or on public transport in any country (while not breast feeding obviously).and see how that goes down and whether you end up with a little chat with the police.

Yet somehow you could expose your ear, nose, belly piercing with no issue. Strange that.

Who knew there was such a thing as "piercing gas lighting".

you seem to watch an awful lot of porn. Or at least, a lot of really rubbish porn

So sorry that correcting your assertion that all porn actresses are white, lightly tanned, hour glass, with long hair.

(And it's kinda ironic you saying I watch a lot of really rubbish porn, given your assertion of how most porn actresses look).

How she dresses and pierces and tattoos herself is no one's business until she makes her son a target by exhibitionist dressing on the school runs.

Your daughter wants attention, well, she's getting it but the kind of sexualized attention she is seeking is having a negative effect on her oldest. She can save it for times when her oldest isn't around.

There's a ton of exhibitionists where I am. They do it for attention, to shock or provoke, or for money, but they're not doing it with their kids in tow.

The funny thing is the trendy look going on here now is loose and modest clothing. People are getting their fillers dissolved and their tattoos lasered off.

Every other weekend.

Which is WORSE for allowing him to think he can police a woman's appearance

I think that you have completely missed the point.

I don't think having piercings is shocking or horrible either. Lots of posters have pointed out that there is a time and place to show off your piercings and a time and place when it is inappropriate. If it embarrasses a child to the point that their peers are calling their mother a porn star that should tell you something.

I doubt many people think nipple piercings are "shocking".
They just think they are perceived as sexual or at least intimate and shouldn't be displayed through tight tops in family/kid/general social environments.

How she dresses and pierces and tattoos herself is no one's business until she makes her son a target by exhibitionist dressing on the school runs.

I agree with these ^^

Regardless of how you perceive it most people will perceive a braless woman in tight clothing with obvious piercings differently from you. You can't police how other people think.

Where does the OP say the 10 year old is 'policing' what his Mum wears?

“Police a woman’s appearance”? A confused little boy who just wants to get through his day at junior school without having to fend off jibes about his mum being a porn star or on OF? He’ll not only be feeling humiliated, but upset and anxious at the thought of other people judging her that way.

I can’t believe how many people on here are incandescent at a young child’s understandable discomfort, and are suggesting that it’s his responsibility to defend his mum’s sexual choices - and so much wide-eyed faux naivety about the sexualised nature of nipple bars on display in tight Lycra - “well I’d never look”, “why would you think it’s sexual?”. It is sexual, and it’s very difficult and conflicting territory for a child (particularly a boy) to have to navigate, so why put him in that position day after day?

Ten years old is not too young to have conversations about bodily autonomy, but it’s a bit fucking much to expect him be a warrior against societal misogyny.

I can believe the amount of people defending this, you should not be at the school gates with your breasts and nipples on show fgs.

I can’t imagine she’d be happy with her child’s teacher dressed like that, I say that as woman with a large chest with tatts & piercings
I wear vests underneath certain tops to make it more appropriate,
i think in some ways you are being too nice OP , needs to be told to grow up and cover up, non consenting adults/ children shouldn’t be forced to see it.

There is a parallel universe where no one is responsible for anything they do, no one can be criticised for anything they do, no one fixes any problems they have -they rush to officially complain, call the police or SS, demand changes they feel entitled to.
Once you realise and accept that ,@EnjoythemoneyJane, life is very stress free.

so much wide-eyed faux naivety

Nail on head.

Well, she's telling OP to cover up her body because of how her DS feels

I wish MNHQ would just hurry up and approve my post which is a link to a Cosmo article of celebrities with nipple piercings, some of which are clearly on show in day to day

Which shows it's a fashion trend, not sexual

Yes, I'm sure Rhianna is being sexual here...

No, if you'd actually read her post, she mentioned the responses of people in general around school, camp sites etc.

As well as her son feeling naturally uncomfortable.

I have one fairly recent pierced nipple, l will have a second if everything heals to plan. It has not been seen by many to date, but l certainly don’t see it as sexual.

l still think the larger issue here, far more important than any nipple, pierced or otherwise is school bullying.

How do you know what Rihanna intended by going braless with a thin top that shows her nipples and nipple piercing?

Anyway it's possible she had trouble switching off "sexual" when it became an important part of her identity and image.
Just like the op's DD apparently has trouble switching off "sexual" because it's more or less become her identity.

I mean, getting a tattoo of a pin up with breast exposed illustrates her mindset and values; even her tattoo is a cliched image made for the titillation of men.

(I use the word "had" about Rihanna because it will be very interesting to see if she continues wearing transparent clothes showing her breasts and thin tops showing her nipples now that she's become a Mum and perhaps widens & varies how she sees her body and herself).

but l certainly don’t see it as sexual.

Others will however.

Because breasts and nipples are considered sexual. This is not any kind of revelation to anyone ... Nor is it to yourself or the other, as one poster phrased it beautifully, "faux naive" posters on this thread.

Otherwise you'd be able to expose yours in the street or on public transport in the UK without consequence, like you could a nose piercing.

And piercings of sexual body parts are also common in the BDSM community. So there's that connotation too.

The two are not mutually exclusive.

Because she's clearly just going about her business, day to day, doing absolutely nothing which is designed to titulate other than crime of having nipples pierced.

If I edited out the obvious piercing you wouldn't say she was trying to be sexy or titulate, you'd say she was just a woman going about her business

This is just one picture of one of MANY celebrities with such piercings

The issue is you sexualising women daring to not cover up their bodies