Daughter - Nipple piercings , no bra and tight top

[Lardychops]

My daughter is a star. A cracker. Love her to pieces and have a great relationship.
She is 27 nearly 28 and a mum of three lovely boys.
As a teen she missed the whole social media, influencer malarky and as a young teen single mum ( before she later married and had two more kids) was mainly focused on baby, college, friends, going out if opportunity presented and getting by as one does.
Since my daughter’s marriage has broken down and she is now enjoying the bittersweet EOW freedom it brings she has dipped her toe in OLD- fair play - enjoys social media appears to have discovered ‘hotness’. By which I mean someone who previously traded on and enjoyed natural ‘ prettinesss’ and a sort of girl next door young mum persona- being ‘sexy’ now seems to be key. Fair play.
It started with Botox lips and forehead fillers. Then an arm sleeve tattoo of a pin up girl with breast exposed. Okay all good, works hard, saved up, her choice etc, nobody else’s business.
Clothing more recently has become more sexualised I have noticed - pink velvet ‘juicy’ track suits or bum scrunch leggings and crop tops. Again, no judgement here. She is my daughter and I think while it’s a bit of a change she can rock the look- no harm done.
I am reeling, however, at the most recent change.
Pierced nipples ( bars not rings) and she often wears no bra and tight Lycra tops. Very obvious and worn with pride. Oldest grandchild (10) hates it, Giggled at first until his friends older brother said ‘your mates mum must be a porn star on only fans ‘ Grandson has said on numerous occasions to me and his grandad I don’t like people looking at mums boobs all the time at school pick up or in park/recebt camping trip days out etc
I find it very disconcerting, her dad doesn’t know where to look. People ( men) in the street either stare or look embarrassed or judgemental/horrified esp if we have all the kids in tow.
I mentioned this to her politely pointing out that piercings of this nature are part of the adult world due to the area of the body and the sexualised implications, and not something her kids need to be exposed to or worrying about when other people notice them
I was told I am being old fashioned which is bananas as her older siblings have had every fashion phase under the sun without any worry from us. Also her lesbian great aunts are confirmed naturists in their own private shpere and that has been the case since the 1990s. So no prudes here!
I just feel that this crosses a line. And if your eldest child is upset by it as it he is starting to get the gist that there is a sexual undertone blatantly on show then surely enough is enough ?

A bra , nipple covers and less revealing tops are surely the answer - or take them out of bra less in a tight top
It’s not the nips - that’s part of the female body -it’s the piercings I’m struggling with and now my grandson worried I’m finding it’s taking up a huge amount of headspace to the point I’m blinking posting about it now at nearly midnight!!

Daughter finds it hilarious and states nobody has right to police her body etc

AIBU

Why is that?

A nipple piercing - which is not inherently sexual, lol at the people saying that a piercing makes one a 'BDSM porn actress' - is very different from a ball-gag, ffs.

An old boss had both nipples pierced. But a) I don't really stare at people's nipples enough to know b) it's his business what he does with them.

I think that turning up for school pick - up like this in front of a bunch of pre-teen children is rather unsavoury. It's a tiny bit like flashing for the shock value or something (but lower grade I appreciate). Quite unpleasant in front of children though.

If her son's discomfort over it got back to his school there would be a safeguarding report, which would probably remain internal, but the school staff would know to keep an eye out for escalations.

If she didn’t want people to look at her boobs, she wouldn’t be wearing tight Lycra tops and no bra. I know people with nipple piercings. They are only on show in certain circumstances. The school run is not one of them.

Making up for trauma or overly controlled childhood. Or both.

I agree. It's called dressing appropriately for the occasion.

If someone turned up to the office like that they would be sent home as it would be considered inappropriate and unprofessional.

Fine, but if her oldest son's friends are staring and saying she must be a porn star and it is really upsetting him that's a totally different thing to whether passing adults care or don't care, or stare or don't stare.

I would say, don't be naive.

My friend is a primary school teacher. Two boys [9 & 10] in her class started to use very sexualised language. Turned out they'd had access to computers at home which were not locked down. Even the home page of Only Fans leaves little to the imagination. Father of the youngest one was in law enforcement. Had never even occurred to him that at that age, they would even know to look.

@BobbyBiscuits is being disingenuous. They are also not a teenage boy.

This is absolutely not true. I was a single parent from 25 to 34 and it was pretty much by choice, never short of interested men even outside the world of OLD.

No fillers and I wear makeup only when going out, never daily.

But we are not talking about a dog collar and ball gag are we; that implies controlling. Nothing in your post has suggested controlling.

l am not arguing that the present situation is ideal, but l do think there are ways and means when dealing with it.

@YouHaveAnArse Y2K style has been back for quite some time, unfortunately.

@Lardychops nipple piercings are in no way equivalent to walking around with a ball gag, you’re being absurd. I agree she needs to think of how her children feel about it around school, but that’s it.

A nipple piercing - which is not inherently sexual, lol at the people saying that a piercing makes one a 'BDSM porn actress'

Nipple piercings are not inherently sexual lol.

And yeah, porn actresses who do a lot of BDSM porn are the most likely of all porn actresses to have tats and piercings.

The homepage of OnlyFans doesn't have explicit language on it and you won't see anything more sexual than you'd see in the swimwear section of any clothing retailer's website.

Unless, of course, someone has subscribed to a lot of content and is logged in, in which case their content feed will appear. So I'm guessing the 'father in law enforcement' subscribes to a lot of porn and doesn't delete his browsing history.

I know a couple of people with nipple piercings, it's not inherently sexual for them.

I don't think you know what 'BDSM porn' actually is. Tattoos and piercings aren't a niche fetish thing anymore, loads of people have them in all walks of life. That includes actresses in vanilla porn, because they are part of 'people'.

Yes, some BDSM porn performers will have tattoos and piercings. That doesn't mean someone with tattoos and piercings is 'like a BDSM porn actress'. The majority of mainstream porn performers are lightly tanned white women with an hourglass figure and long hair, but that doesn't mean having those attributes make someone 'like a porn actress'.

Nipple piercings are just piercings.

No. You sound like a mum and grandma to me - thinking about your GC feelings as they are children and cannot avoid the attention this draws.

It’s grim for her kids to be embarrassed but there’s not much you can do about it.

And somehow women (in general) seem to be far more willing to stepmother than men (in general). At least IME.

there‘s also the issue of single mothers being considerably more likely to be the primary carers of young children than single father. Which will have an impact on one’s dating life and one‘s „options“.

Many 27 yo without children would be hesitant to be in a longtime relationship with a person who is the main carer of 3 children… (especially men, although not just men ime).

My sil did similar although older. Had kids and married very young, marriage ended, instantly forgot she was a parent, started sleeping around, cosmetic surgery, inappropriate clothing. Hasn’t seen her kids in years now.

I think pps saying that this is about 'body autonomy' and only the business of the young woman are not living in the real world.

If she has children at school and she goes to the school each day AND her eldest son is being made uncomfortable by her very sexualised personal style, it's totally naive to suggest it's just her business.

I'm a pragmatist....whatever the principle, if a situation is clearly causing aggro and storing up trouble for the future (for her son at least) then she should take that into account and save the uber-sexy look for her OLD partners.

As others have pointed out, sometimes it's wise to listen to what your school-age children are saying. I tried hard not to draw undue attention or cause (avoidable) embarrassment at the school gate and sometimes this meant compromising my personal preferences. But who wants to make their children a target for bullies - just for the sake of 'body autonomy' or some vague principle. Not me.

I think pps saying that this is about 'body autonomy' and only the business of the young woman are not living in the real world.

I totally agree. It's disingenuous and naive.

I suspect that they don't have or know any teenage boys. DD had boys as friends at school and it was quite an eye opener to discover the way they thought and spoke.

You're possibly right about OnlyFans. It's pornhub they were looking at. I had the wrong one.
My sister had to show me the home page as my own phone is locked down. That left little to the imagination.
Either way, kids of that age are hearing these names being bandied about and are curious enough to go looking.
They are also a lot of incidents with kids seeing really violent content on YouTube because again, their parents are not locking down the computer hub or all home devices.

I know a couple of people with nipple piercings, it's not inherently sexual for them

But you don't know if it's inherently sexual for the ops DD, do you??

It appears she's done it as one of a number of things she done to her body, intended to attract attention while dating.

Then there the question of whether it is perceived as sexual by other people?
(Regardless of the feelings of the person who's had it done).

And - since nipples are considered one of the two main sexual areas/features on women's bodies (that could be pierced anyway, cause buttocks are rarely pierced). - it's very probable it is perceived as sexual. And it's very improbable that she's completely unaware of that.

(People wouldn't be considered unreasonable or abnormal for perceiving it as sexual. Which matters because she's not operating in a vacuum). Why do you think people are uncomfortable about seeing it - if it's not perceived as sexual and it only matters how the person who's had it done perceives it?

Nipple piercings are just piercings

Nipples are perceived as sexual, so nipple piercings are not perceived as just piercings.

People don't usually suck each other's noses during sex.
There was no page 3 for noses on faces.

So nose piercings are not the same as nipple piercings.

It's actually farcical to have to state this.
Your obtuseness can only be on purpose.