Daughter - Nipple piercings , no bra and tight top

[Lardychops]

My daughter is a star. A cracker. Love her to pieces and have a great relationship.
She is 27 nearly 28 and a mum of three lovely boys.
As a teen she missed the whole social media, influencer malarky and as a young teen single mum ( before she later married and had two more kids) was mainly focused on baby, college, friends, going out if opportunity presented and getting by as one does.
Since my daughter’s marriage has broken down and she is now enjoying the bittersweet EOW freedom it brings she has dipped her toe in OLD- fair play - enjoys social media appears to have discovered ‘hotness’. By which I mean someone who previously traded on and enjoyed natural ‘ prettinesss’ and a sort of girl next door young mum persona- being ‘sexy’ now seems to be key. Fair play.
It started with Botox lips and forehead fillers. Then an arm sleeve tattoo of a pin up girl with breast exposed. Okay all good, works hard, saved up, her choice etc, nobody else’s business.
Clothing more recently has become more sexualised I have noticed - pink velvet ‘juicy’ track suits or bum scrunch leggings and crop tops. Again, no judgement here. She is my daughter and I think while it’s a bit of a change she can rock the look- no harm done.
I am reeling, however, at the most recent change.
Pierced nipples ( bars not rings) and she often wears no bra and tight Lycra tops. Very obvious and worn with pride. Oldest grandchild (10) hates it, Giggled at first until his friends older brother said ‘your mates mum must be a porn star on only fans ‘ Grandson has said on numerous occasions to me and his grandad I don’t like people looking at mums boobs all the time at school pick up or in park/recebt camping trip days out etc
I find it very disconcerting, her dad doesn’t know where to look. People ( men) in the street either stare or look embarrassed or judgemental/horrified esp if we have all the kids in tow.
I mentioned this to her politely pointing out that piercings of this nature are part of the adult world due to the area of the body and the sexualised implications, and not something her kids need to be exposed to or worrying about when other people notice them
I was told I am being old fashioned which is bananas as her older siblings have had every fashion phase under the sun without any worry from us. Also her lesbian great aunts are confirmed naturists in their own private shpere and that has been the case since the 1990s. So no prudes here!
I just feel that this crosses a line. And if your eldest child is upset by it as it he is starting to get the gist that there is a sexual undertone blatantly on show then surely enough is enough ?

A bra , nipple covers and less revealing tops are surely the answer - or take them out of bra less in a tight top
It’s not the nips - that’s part of the female body -it’s the piercings I’m struggling with and now my grandson worried I’m finding it’s taking up a huge amount of headspace to the point I’m blinking posting about it now at nearly midnight!!

Daughter finds it hilarious and states nobody has right to police her body etc

AIBU

I'm not. I don't care if someone has a nipple piercing. I'm not going to pretend I think it's shocking just because most on here don't share my views.
I have family members of both sexes with them, and had many friends who did when I was a teen. Sorry that I don't find it horrible or particularly noteworthy.

Yes, some BDSM porn performers will have tattoos and piercings. That doesn't mean someone with tattoos and piercings is 'like a BDSM porn actress

BDSM porn performers are far more likely to have tats and piercings than non BDSM porn performers.

The majority of mainstream porn performers are lightly tanned white women with an hourglass figure and long hair, but that doesn't mean having those attributes make someone 'like a porn actress'

They're not actually. Of famous female porn performers, some are hour glass, some are definitely not, most have naturally large boobs or have large implants. Of less famous performers, there are all races.
The defining feature, with a few exceptions, is not being white if having long hair or being lightly tanned or having an hour glass figure ....it's large boobs or more commonly large implants. And often lip implants/fillers too.

Women with large implants would - equally - be described by people, especially males who are more likely to be porn consumers, as looking like a porn actress.

Similar looks - perhaps to a less extreme level - would be the defining feature of a lot of only fans workers ...hence the boy's brother has identical her (due to the Botox, lip fillers, skimpy clothes etc.) as looking like an only fans worker.

I'm not going to pretend I think it's shocking just because most on here don't share my views.

I doubt many people think nipple piercings are "shocking".

They just think they are perceived as sexual or at least intimate and shouldn't be displayed through tight tops in family/kid/general social environments.

(They probably don't want to see a bloke wearing lycra running leggings or cycling shorts that outline his cock & prince Albert piercing around the school grounds or on family camp sites either).

It comes across as exhibitionism. And you make other people - including kids - non consenting participants in your exhibitionism.

This explains it perfectly!

You can say "You're embarrassing your children" but beyond that I think you're stuck. I wish they didn't have to think about stuff like this at age 10. Maybe there's room to get in a few words to him, about how adults don't always agree about how to behave, but men should respect women, no matter what.

I hope the nudist lesbian great-aunts are as much fun as they sound!

they've been doing the rounds for about a year unfortunately lol

Teenage boys become aware of how "hot" their friend's mom's are regardless. Think of Will's mum in Inbetweeners and she's never "dressed sexy". She's a younger mom so they'll think she's hot anyway

What you are actually doing is teaching her and her son that women should cover up and change who they are for men and that men can leer over women because women are asking for it if they dress a certain way

It's no more exhibitionism than wearing a low cut top or a short skirt

It's not a collar and leash, gimp mask or harness. It's a piercing

BDSM porn performers are far more likely to have tats and piercings than non BDSM porn performers.

What a way to find out I and most of my friends are BDSM porn performers

It's no more exhibitionism than wearing a low cut top or a short skirt

Yes, it is.

But in any case, very few people probably want to see you wearing low cut tops or short skirts at the school gates either.

Reading comprehension - not even once.

You're saying people with tats and piercings are more likely to be BDSM porn performers

I and most people I know have tats and piercings

Thus extrapolation is that at least some are BDSM porn stars

It's a piercing

But not a piercing you could show a picture of in any mainstream media.

Unlike a nose, belly, eyebrow, ear etc piercing.

That is utterly utterly obvious.

More contrarians for the sake of contrarianism.

@lardychops buy her a copy of The Case Against the Sexual Revolution by Louise Perry. It's important she is familiar with the arguments made in it. She can choose to reject them. But she needs to hear them.

You're saying people with tats and piercings are more likely to be BDSM porn performers

Nope.

You want the op to tell her 10yo grandchild to grow up? He’s a child FFS!

Im glad she's taking her DC's feelings on board, it can be hard to find thr balance between being youself and someone's mum, especially if you've always been both. But keeping her son's feelings at the forefront is the right thing to do.

Great book, I have a copy here. I gather she is bringing out another edition also- aimed at younger teenage woman. sure I heard that somewhere.
Funnily enough was listening to a Maiden Mother Matriarch podcast yesterday with Louise and Katy Faust, all about Children’s natural rights/ needs etc and the tension between that and what parents want for them selves etc in modern parenting.

Yes will pass the book onto her deffo, and recommend the MMM podcast also I think

What is EOW?

Think Clarissa and Jennifer from the two fat lady cookery show - but with very strong working class regional accents and buzz cuts. Been together decades, and at first people in their village thought they were eccentric spinster types living together.
One of works in the community and wears shorts no matter what the weather. The other is best cook I’ve ever met.
They love the whole nudist beach thing when used to go on holidays etc and at home joke about going ‘au natural’
Health issues creeping in now but are Great fun and been lovely aunts to me and my wonderful step mum.

xx

One of my friends was the ‘hot mum’ later ‘milf’ when our sons were all young. It made her lads life a living hell and it’s still
a standing joke amongst the friendship
group which he takes in good humour I’m told but am sure is wearing thin now.

I agree that these don't seem like the actions of a confident woman. She may be young, but she's still a mother, and her children should come first. Expecting her to put on a bra when she's around her kids (and their friends) is hardly oppressing her or restricting her self-expression.

Did you hear her recent one with Rod Dreher?! I was a bit surprised by some of the topics being discussed!!

I haven’t - git the Tammy Peterson or Rob Henderson one book marked for tomorrow .
Isn’t Rod Dreher the Christian chap
who talks about the occult and fastastical suchlike??