Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

Huh? There's no suggestion the mum is disabled.
And plenty of disabled people work and don't claim any benefits. (I work full time, I am a higher rate tax payer, I am also very disabled)

They don’t need a holiday. Staycation is good enough for plenty of actual workers.

Did you read the OP? The mum works.

What a fucking horrible thread. Shameful.

She pumped out four kids she can’t afford to rear without vast taxpayer support! Apparently choosing shitty unreliable baby daddies. That’s antisocial and reprehensible.

15 hours a week ...

100% Agree.

We shouldn’t be funding this! And actually this is making everything more expensive for all of us, not just by the money coming from the taxpayer, but it’s devaluing the pound.

It’s on you if you can’t understand that she does work. 15 hours with 4 kids under 7 is totally reasonable.

How is she a parasite?
She was married, and her ex-DH left her with a 10 month old and 3 other small children (including twins). She gets no CM from him, and no help from family etc. She works.
The benefit system is quite literally set up for stuff like this.

Why is all the vitriol aimed at her and not the absolute fucking dickswab of an ex?
Fucking MUMsnet my arse.

4 kids with the same dad who she was married to.

Would you have the same opinion of her if the father/her husband had died? Because there are single mums in that very situation. Do you judge them too?

You don’t think she’s an irresponsible person?

Clue: one doesn’t get to be a shiftless parent of four offspring living on the dole because one has made prudent and responsible choices.

I really hope laws change in my lifetime. If nothing else, dock the pensions when people like this reach old age. They’ve already taken more than their share. Let their numerous offspring support them.

Wow some friend you are you really begrudge your friend and her kids a little bit of a helping hand after the shitty couple of years they’ve had because it’s just so easy to single-handedly raise 4 kids under 6 and work 15 hours a week don’t you think she would rather be with her ex H instead of doing her absolute best on her own. What would you like her to do go to work full time and pay someone to look after her children because your a bitter Betty. Give your head a good wobble op.

Yes, I certainly do. No one should produce offspring without first taking out more than ample life insurance on both parents. That’s adulting 101.

Can’t afford the monthly payments? Then they can’t afford the kids.

Rolling the dice assuming Mr and Mrs Sucker Taxpayer will pick up the slack is disgusting and disgraceful.

What’s a Scottish child payment?

OP's friend was happily married. He earned a good wage and they were saving up to buy a property. He left her, left the country, and is paying nothing towards his own kids.
OP's friend is also educated, in a job related to her field and will increase her hours when her youngest is at school. In the meantime, she is single handily bringing up 4 kids on her own, 2 of which are twins.

The benefit system is for people like her.
What exactly do you think she should be doing differently?

She is a 28 graduate who works part time ans she has probably completed her family. She will most likely have a decent enough private pension by the time she retires.

Sounds like a mum who is making the best of the hand she's been dealt presumably she didnt plan to end up a single mum with no maintenance. She lives within her means (using vinted, no debts etc) amd her life will have its own challenges if she has no car or family support. If she has 4 young kids UC probably only covers 2 of them and she will have work commitments to satisfy UC she is entitled to support.
If you think it's easy on benefits go part time and put in a claim yourself instead of being jealous of your friend

She pumped out four kids she can’t afford to rear without vast taxpayer support! Apparently choosing shitty unreliable baby daddies. That’s antisocial and reprehensible.

One shitty baby daddy to four kids. People’s circumstances change, even with the best of planning and there’s a social safety net.

Many of the working people complaining they can’t afford x, y and z are spending their money on other things - paying a mortgage, saving to a pension, running a car. Things that are costly and will benefit them in the longer term. I really can’t grudge a mum of 4 small kids an income nor can I grudge her using that money to give her kids a good start in life.

Shes buying decent food, healthy activities and one weeks holiday a year - not daily McDonalds and an iPad.

@TheHerboriste what have you been smoking tonight she ended up a single mum of 4 kids when her DH upped and left her and fled back to his home country she’s working 15 hours a week and taking care of her children what would you like her to do with them. Please do us all a favour and sit down shut up and learn how to stay in your lane. Your making up stories to fit whatever made up narrative that you have created for some bizarre reason go make up fairy stories somewhere else.

It’s an additional payment by the Scottish government for parents on universal credit - paid at £25 per week for each child.

I am wondering if some people are reading the same stuff we are.
It is not hard to see the whole 2 other posts from OP where she goes into more detail about her friend.
But yeah, her friend is a "leech" for having kids when happily married.

She's spending her benefit money on her kids clubs and feeding them. There's plenty that don't but make sure they get their hair and nails done, nights out etc. You've said she's not playing the system, she works I say well done to her for doing her best for her kids!

So am I really makes you feel like your in the Twilight zone and everyone but us has read the alternate version of this post because that’s the only way I can explain some of these off the cuff comments. I mean they seem to want to burn her at stake for being on benefits and working and here’s us being crazy and thinking that’s a good thing clearly we are in the wrong here

It's a while a go but I can remember my TA come back into class obviously upset because a parent at the gates had told her about their 2 week holiday to Disney world florida, first week in term time, 2nd week was the beginning of the 6weeks. She had never worked had 5 kids .

TA worked bloody hard full time and she basically said the same, she couldn't afford to take her kids on holiday and said 'who's the bloody idiot? Coming to work every day while she's swanning off to america'.

When someone is working full time you should never be worse off than people on benefits.

She wasn’t “dealt” the hand, she made conscious choices every step of the way. Every step.

We all know the bio-daddy wasn’t a prince among men until after all four kids were born. Come on. And no one should be having umpteen kids with only taxpayer dole as Plan B. No savings, no family, no well-paying career, nada?? Just Mr and Mrs Taxpayer to pick up the slack.

It’s tiresome.