Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

She’s getting the same benefits that anyone else in her position would be entitled to. Who do you think she should be reported to, and for what?

Can you imagine if they had a hotline for reporting benefits being spent on things people don't agree with?

"My neighbour is a single mum.and she bought a paddling pool with BRITISH TAXPAYERS MONEY".... it would be endless.

No idea to whom, that it's why I was asking.
I do believe there should be some channel for reporting this kind of abuse from the benefits system.
NHS is fucked. Our education system stinks. Our public transport is the laughing stock in Europe.
And yet we have to lap up opulent getaways to Greece to some leeches and their offspring.
Enough is enough.

You can’t report someone for receiving the benefits that the DWP have determined that they’re entitled to. You also cannot report someone for spending their benefit money in a way that you don’t agree with.

The feckless father should be making sure those children don’t go into poverty rather than the taxpayer. Four kids on benefits and able to afford holidays abroad? No mate. That’s not a safety net, that’s taking the piss out of anyone trying to eek a living on minimum wage.

I understand completely when the working tax credits first arrived I was very resentful that I was working 12 hour shifts with a young family but knew of other women working just 16 hours a week and getting more than me. To this day many years later I regret not playing the system and spending more time with my children. Before anyone roasts me I have never claimed a benefit in my life

This thread is horrible. You say you love your friend dearly, yet seem quite happy to offer her up on here to be benefit bashed. No real friend would do that.

Not even child benefit? Why?

FFS Another benefit basher thread
1.Comparison is the thief of joy
2.Concentrate on your own life
3.You’re no friend

I pray life never takes me to a place where I begrudge a single parent of 4 and 4 small kids of any good thing they can afford to experience ☹️.

She is a leech. Time the rules were changed.

She is raising 4 kids on her own it would impossible for her to manage full time work. She doesn’t spend money on herself or have a car (which is tough with kids) and she kits the kids out on Vinted so she can afford a holiday and she is spending money so she can feed them healthy home cooked meals and is making sure they do extracurriculars. She has a degree so she’ll eventually be giving back after she has done, what sounds like a good job of raising her family.

This is literally what benefits are for - to keep you from hitting the bottom when your life goes off plan. She sounds like she manages her money very well. She sounds fantastic.

What exactly is she doing wrong?

Many children are malnourished because parents make bad choices not because they lack money to be feed ! This woman is doing exactly what the benefit system was created for , supporting her and keeping her children from poverty while they are small ! She doesn’t smoke or drink or do her nails she provides for her 4 children

I agree. She sounds amazing and is making the best of a bad situation.

@ArlJudey honestly it sounds like really hard work to me. I’m impressed that she works at all. I don’t imagine she has a moment to herself. I think she just sounds super organised & good with her money.

She's taking 4 children on holiday by herself. Sounds like a nightmare. Imagine the flights.

Keeping children from poverty does not equate to flying off to Greece at the expense of the taxpayer.
Many working families can't afford such ostentatious holidays.

These threads cause internalised ableism
it’s harmful to wellbeing and I hope it becomes illegal to harm the disabled

They are a working family. She does work.

She is working though, how exactly do you think a single parent would manage working full time and paying for childcare for 4 children? I can't see why anyone would have a problem with this, she's not just dossing around at home.

Where does it say the mum is disabled?

You do realise Egypt is literally much cheaper than a U.K. holiday ? Maybe those people choose to spend their money elsewhere ?

I disagree.
It's rational and logical to feel resentful if it seems like it pays to not work

I don't know how we have ended up at a point as a country when you earn less in work than out of work and I am astonished people think that's ok