Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

Exactly.

Benefits should be parceled out as food, clothing, soap and toothbrush , etc., not spendable cash. Provide for the kids’ needs, not the parent’s wants.

Why is this all this lady's fault? Why are you not angry at her ex for leaving her with no choice but to claim benefits?

Better than giving it all to migrants.
Plus some holidays are cheaper abroad hope she has a great time.

She chose him.

What, like the op's own children who have to go without these luxuries and without seeing their mum much, because she is working her butt off to support luxury holidays for the brood of this feckless woman and her ilk?

They were happily married.
I was with my ex for 8 years. He left me and I ended up claiming benefits. When we got together, I had no idea how things would pan out nearly a decade later.

It seems the only thing she did wrong here is not have a fully functioning crystal ball.

How is she feckless? Her ex left her and wont pay CM. She also WORKS.

Exactly. Well said.

There was a plan B. She has a degree and who says she didn’t have any savings? She works part time and will presumably ho on to work full time when her kids are older.

I am Mrs Taxpayer this is exactly what I pay taxes for. So children don’t live in complete poverty when circumstances are difficult for them,

As for this Mum making the ‘conscious choice’ to have children with a husband that one day might leave her. Isn’t that a choice that every woman who has children makes? Any man might one day leave or perhaps die.

A) she picked a predictable arsehole to mate with
B) she didn’t maintain her career or earning power
C) she had way more kids than a solo person can afford
D) she smugly assumed divorce would never happen to her, and had no backup plan
E) she is using taxpayer monies to take holidays that many actual workers can’t afford, instead of saving the funds for the inevitable next crisis
D) she is not being creative, resourceful or diligent, such as teaming with another single mum and working opposite shifts to split childcare, because it’s easier to go on the dole

He had a well paid job and they had savings - we have no idea the circumstances/what he was like. Not everyone has family local to help out not entirely sure how she could be expected to change that? Sounds like the friend has a plan to return to full time work when her kids are school age and has an education and career to return to

Your wasting your time. That poster clearly doesn't read or need actual information before jumping to an opinion.

Much like most of the benefits bashers you see on here, unable to receive and retain knowledge.🙄

A - do you know her? No one gets married to "predictable assholes". Are you married? Your DH could leave you one day. Or die. Your fault for not choosing better.
B - she has a degree and is working in a field related to it. She can do more hours when all her kids are at school, and OP said that is her plan. Perfectly reasonable.
C - she was married when they (not she... she didn't do it on her own) had the kids. Also, no one chooses to have twins.
D - how do you know this?
E - she WORKS so she is using her own money to go on holidays. Other people not being able to afford stuff is nothing to do with her
D? (you must be high as it is F next) - she is in a field related to her degree. The chances of her knowing a another single mum who can do opposite shifts to her in the same job are slim to none.

Yep, it is a wise plan she has. I bet she will feel a bit more relaxed and able to have time to herself, and properly throw herself into her career once they are all at school. 4 small kids on your own... no thanks!

Im also debt free i owe nothing to no one all my bills are up to date.
I love to travel and i do it.
I earn less than most but i make the most of it i live cheap.
I also live in HA with very cheap rent.
Also get pip i dont tell anyone about it.

Why are people bothering to respond to theherboriste?

The poster just wants to put the cat among the pigeons

You are right.
Not going to engage with them anymore. Clearly on the wind up.

Some of the comments on here scream jealousy.

Oh please ! 🙄 everyone needs a holiday , specially a working single mum to 4 ! Just because people don’t make good financial decisions doesn’t mean those who do should be punished .

Well said.

I think you mean she BARELY works! 15 hours, 2 days a week. She expects tax payers like the op to work fulltime to have time away from their own babies to support her. Nobody forced her to have 4 kids with this loser. She picked him and procreate again and again and again.

No everyone else should be punished by paying for her mistakes

Op is this woman from the same country as her ex?

Pumping out four kids she can’t support with a faithless loser is far worse than a “poor financial decision.”

People need to be held accountable for their shitty life choices, not rewarded with overseas holidays on the dole. If she has spare cash (our cash!) she should save it for the next fiasco, not blow it on a jolly.

No she’s born and raised in Scotland to Scottish parents, he is from the Middle East.