Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

I don’t know anyone with four small children who works a 40 hour week. Who would advocate for that?

As a single parent to 4 kids under 7, with no involvement from their father and no other support? I doubt many are working a 40 hour week in those circumstances.

Jealously is such a distasteful thing

This. I think she's doing bloody well to be managing part time work tbh. Four kids under 7 and a shameful "father" abroad not paying any maintenance. That must be incredibly hard work. I can't believe the OP is envious of that, or the number of people on this thread whinging about her getting some help.

Next up claim for anxiety or depression.

This is insane. It must be incredible difficult, beyond difficult, coping alone with 4 young children (including twins!), and working when the youngest is only 2. Just imagining the physical exhaustion and sleep deprivation is beyond me.

Normally I am against anyone on benefits doing better than anyone in full time work. But your friend has 4 kids and no partner, she still works 15hrs, I honestly commend that and think she deserves every penny she gets! If she wasn’t working at all I could understand your stance but she is working and managing small children all on her own. Kudos to her! You are unfortunately not a true friend!

She sounds like an amazing mum juggling four under 6 since dad buggered off, she has zero help from him practical or financial. And she is educated and working too.

When he left she couldn't afford private rent and now has a council house. So she was no doubt at one point after he left scared she'd have no home. 😔 I'm so pleased for her that she now has a secure long term tenancy.

She doesn't spend on herself eg hair and nails, she buys meal plan food deliveries (good option I think, I bet she has little time to meal plan and meal prep!) and they probably work out good value for her tbh. She budgets to make sure her kids have nice activities and a summer holiday. Good for her!

You sound so envious and mean spirited OP. I'm sorry you're so bitter about it all.

I’d be glad if my friends kids were well looked after and my friend was happy but I get what you mean.

@Lookuptotheskies I agree, I think good on her if she’s stayed in her field. I think she sounds great.

What do you think is wrong with it?

Yes YABU.

Your time would be better spent looking at what changes you want to make in your own life.

I’m with you , I have two people I know who haven’t worked for years , they have more disposable income than me
I’ve worked hard my whole life , it seriously pisses me off
living on benefits needs to be changed
it’s ridiculous, the rest of us are paying for them

Agree with everything @Hollyaddysays. All of a sudden the life stages change very quickly-before she knows it she'll be desperately trying to live on her state pension and you'll be living comfortably.

I get it, it's really hard when you're working, juggling kids and you're also a single mum. Especially when it looks like your friend is able to do so much more than you while she's on benefits. However, you never know the full story of anyone's life. You might think you do, but you don't.

Honestly, I'd chat to your friend and see if she can help ensure you're claiming all you're entitled to. She clearly knows her stuff and there are plenty of legitimate ways to maximise your claim without fiddling the system, just knowing how it fits together.

Get a grip! You never know what is around the corner for anyone. Including yourself. Focus on your own life sbd honestly, end this ‘friendship’ because it’s eating you up here and you’re not her friend. Would you be happy to see her suffer? Maybe get sick? Struggle more? What would make you happy OP? To see her hurt? Get out of her life because you clearly despise her.

Also to add, it sounds like your friend has a good career job which she will be able to up her hours and get back into as the kids get older. You don't make it sound like she's going to kick back and stay on benefits forever. I imagine her career job and a helpful employer are the key to all of this.

But this woman does work. 15 hours a week, while also single handedly bringing up 4 kids under 7, whose father fucked off and doesn’t have anything to do with them. I’m sure when the children are older she can increase her hours.

Scottish child payment is £25 per week per child I think? So she’s getting an additional £400 roughly per month on top of what UC and other benefits that she’s entitled to. That would cover a gousto box and tennis lessons.

The Scottish government is trying to prioritise child poverty. This mother seems to be spending the additional money on improving her children’s quality of life.

A parasite? She works 15 hours a week while single handedly raising 4 kids under 7, because their dad has fucked off and doesn’t support them. How is she a parasite?

Report her for what?

A single, educated, working mother of 4, very young, children sounds like a parasite who needs reporting because she manages a holiday every year?

At what point should she be reported? Buying a chocolate bar she doesn't need? Maybe a new top for herself? What about a bike for one of the kids?

Taxpayer money should not fund people trips to exotic destinations while so many British children are malnourished.

But the person the OP is speaking about is working?