Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

I have 2 friends that had several kids and milked the benefits system, i worked every hour around the clock, their kids had more than my one child, they had more food in their cupboards whilst my fridge was filled with reduced food.and my clothes were charity shop finds,Once their kids left home they continued milking the system with fabricated mental health and back problems, the thing is, they think i,m the richer one as i work every hour (huge mortgage) i get quips and sarky comments all the time, now in their 50s and never worked a day in their life, an absolute disgrace

Every time there's a thread about abusive relationships someone will ask why women stay and put up with it. Here's your answer. Single mums are called leaches, scroungers, fools and more. People speculate about if our kids have the same father, why we had them, if we're planning more and so on.

Absolutely!
I've seen many, many threads on here where the OP lists an absolute catalogue of awfulness on the part of her DH, and then goes on to say "But I can't leave him, I told myself I'd never be a single mum!"

And why is she so scared of being a single mum?! The relentless hatred and negativity single mums cop, as evinced by some of these posters upthread 👆

You're going to tell us you "earn" your living as a landlord with an extensive property portfolio in a minute, aren't you 🙄

So who exactly do you deem 'worthy' then? And what do you foresee being the long term social implications of that?

🙄

Exactly!!!

Who I deem worthy are people experiencing involuntary misfortune or illness or disability. Not those who lead their merry life with no savings, no contingency plans, no self-control and no thought about prudent family planning.

Yes, we have to feed their kids, but we should be providing nutritious food, not cash to be spent on whatever.

And for those whose "need" is because they reproduced imprudently, we should collect it back on the other end by docking their pensions. One or the other: assistance now or pension later. Not both.

Should they just dock the mother’s pension, or that of the feckless father who has decided not to provide for his kids too?

Despite working full time in a stressful public sector role i am entitled to UC for my one teen DC.
We have an annual overseas holiday due to me having great budgeting skills and an eye for a bargain-this year it's 3 weeks in the school hols to a popular destination. You sound jealous.

If you can't continue the debate without ad hominem remarks about fellow commenters, maybe it's time to bow out.

I'm not a landlord, I'm a 62 year old woman who's been in the workforce since age 15 and by far a net contributor. Never been on the dole of any kind. I have a great lifestyle now but I also paid my dues and made sure not to produce offspring I couldn't rear.

Furthermore I see nothing wrong with landlords. Investing in real estate is just as valid as investing in stocks, precious metals or other valuable assets. Most of you have no clue about the sort of hard work it takes to become financially comfortable in middle age; so many expect the lifestyle of an established older adult who's worked all of their lives, with zero dues-paying, zero patience and extremely low effort. People who want things without working for them are not admirable.

If you can afford a holiday you don't need taxpayer dole. I stand by that. Dole is for survival, not for luxuries. Or should be.

I have so far spent 32 days away from home this year, including San Francisco, New York and London in 4-5 star hotels, paying for them and the long-haul business class flights out of my EARNINGS. What a concept. We are most decidedly not jealous of anyone on benefits.

Both.

So despite me working full time in the public sector i shouldn't be allowed anything but survival rations ? If the government paid me a higher salary then I wouldn't need to claim from the erm.. government !

Why not give it a go, if it's so attractive?

You will be most certainly not be welcome in these quarters then.

MN crowd’s default position is that anyone on benefits good, everyone else bad. The less you do for yourself, the higher your salt of earth content.

Thats why this country is basically no more than a creaking mess. There is 0 value attached to taking responsibility for yourself.

I know a few people on benefits who are absolutely amazing with budgeting (not me, I might add). One uses Freegle for pretty much everything. She even managed to get a working 64inch TV on there. She very rarely buys anything new at all. She spends a lot of time finding the best deals for her groceries too.

Then the money she has saved goes on things like day trips and gigs, which bring her joy. Fair play to her I say.
But then people see her do those things and think she is somehow abusing the benefits system. She is not... she is just really fucking good at budgeting and finding deals.

Funny that. People not on benefits and paying their own way, despite being good at budgeting, can’t often afford those luxuries. But somehow benefits seem to be able to provide everything working people not on benefits can’t have.

Absolute bollocks. I’ve never even been entitled to child benefit, as I earned too much when I had my children. I still don’t begrudge people like the OP’s ‘friend’ (in inverted commas because the OP certainly isn’t being very friendly!) claiming benefits while working 15 hours a week and single handedly raising 4 young children.

That is not her problem, is it. Poor wages are not the fault of people claiming benefits. If your wages are shit, then you should be on UC as a top up anyway. If you have a big mortgage eating up your salary, so you can't afford holidays then, that is also not the fault of people on benefits.
She doesn't have kids that live with her, doesn't drive, doesn't have debts. So her living costs are low anyway.

Some people and their ivory towers, hope you don't fall off.

I bet they will have their hand out when it comes to claiming their state pension.

People often pay in installments for their holidays.

You do understand how 'means tested benefits' work ? If ones income is under a certain threshold then they are ad entitled claim as the next person ...