To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

[Lifeof6]

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Are county lines really that common?

Sadly it would seem so .crimestoppers-uk.org/news-media/news/2023/jul/new-drugs-heat-map-reveals-county-lines-hotspots-as-we-launch-warning-over-drug-gang-exploitation

Not all women
Who in the last eight pages of this thread claimed that "all women" anything? Some people are batshit crazy, this mother appears to be one of them.

But there’s no evidence for it
There are eight pages of anecdotes where posters have recounted similar situations affecting people they knew. That's as good as you're going to get on an anonymous forum.

They sound utterly batshit and dangerous imo and makes me wonder if they're drugging him/providing him with drugs that are causing the health problems

Did the hospital do any blood tests after the seizure? That might reveal if your son had been given any sort of drug or medication.

@PersephoneSeethes Does your son have an EHCP? I'd get in touch with a disability social worker and a disability charity like Mencap or Scope. My concern would be that the gf & her mum will or are cheating him of his disability benefits. I'd tackle it through the disability and vulnerability angle. Call the national autistic society helpline.

County lines gangs and criminals target vulnerable and disabled adults deliberately, it's called cuckooing. Your son may very well be a victim of this, I'd try the police again & stress that your son is a vulnerable person with disabilities.

https://www.islington.gov.uk/community-safety/cuckooing

The situation sounds bad, just to say I had a bad seizure after smoking (a lot) of weed one evening at a party when I was 16. Never happened since (didn't touch it after) and in 40s now. I did some research when I was older and did find out that it can be linked after reading some journals.

As In nothing to suggest that this person in particular wants her daughter to get knocked up.
I was just offering a more rational explanation to this dilemma over the pages of soap opera story lines, mental illness diagnoses and hearsay.

Fair point.

Drug dealers don’t tend to involve police or other authorities in their bs.

It all sounds utterly horrific. Reminds me of the series of posts by Purplelampshades. I don’t think there has been an update for a while but it is an awful situation with a massively controlling gf who has managed to remove Purple’s son and isolate him totally. Best of luck with the police and ss. 💐

Thank you for your support and information. I really appreciate it.

No, no EHCP just received SEN support at his small private schools. We don’t claim disability benefits because he’s privately funded now he’s 18 he may have tried to without tell us. We’ve have to adjust family wills and trusts because of this relationship, just in case they think he’s worth any money. We have ever indicated that there is anything for him, there isn’t much, so this is me just guessing.

The GF seems very happy to claim every single benefit and penny of funding she can get. She’s got a lot more money than our son and she doesn’t work. That’s not our way.

Experience has taught me over the years that it can be a big mistake to keep seeking a rational explanation for irrational behaviour.

We all have an inbuilt bias towards expecting everyone to think the same way as we do and have the same values. This is a big mistake, and can make us very vulnerable.

Please don't follow this advice OP.

How awful for you OP. I really hope you get answers about his health and the psychos back off

Jesus, the daughter and more importantly the mother sound deranged. I hope that you DS is going to break up with his DGF. I’m not surprised that you are worried

Could he have his hair tested for drugs and substances, it can tell what has been taken for the last 9 months.

Just a friendly note, @BigHeadBertha , that bipolar disorder & bpd are absolutely NOT one-and-the same condition (former is a mood disorder, and the latter a personality disorder) whilst granted overlap of some symptoms can be possible.
Agree with the sentiment of your overall message, though.

Sounds like county lines. I take it you've googled her name to check if she's been in court for drug offences.

In a situation like this, NotSafeInTaxis, it is not necessary, or required, for you to be so pedantic! Picking holes in what a person under stress has said is just cruel!
Seizure, fit? For goodness’ sake. Talk about splitting hairs!

Yes

My NDN did a very long jury service in a case. He said it was horrible as they all knew who the ringleaders were but had absolutely no evidence against them, it was the kids that bore the punishments. He was totally shocked about how bad it was, how many kids are groomed and how far spread it was. Sadly I wasn’t, I grew up where this kind of thing is very common.

I wouldn't be surprised if drugs are involved, but I don't think its wise to jump straight to the scenario of him being spiked/poisoned against his will.

The chances of that are extremely low. The chances of him taking something of his own accord (with or without their knowledge/involvement) are much higher.

You don't even know that he had anything in his system yet, but if hospital did a tox you soon will and you can take it from there.

The best advice (and admittedly it's easier said than done) is to be calm and level-headed in all your interactions with them. If you can't, let your husband/someone else deal with them. They might just be nutters, but if they are acting maliciously, they'll want nothing more than to get a rise out of you.

Is there any way you could take him away for a while ? Personally I would want him as far away from those people as possible ..
Isbthe mum interested in him ? Do they have any weird stuff going on together ? It’s does all sound very weird

My nephew had a fit aged 18 and it was the start of a life long serious condition, Epilepsy. He needed so much hospitalisation at the beginning to determine the correct drugs, whether brain surgery would assist etc. He could not get a driver's licence until all drugs were stable etc.
So take the fit seriously.
It could also be a reaction to drugs. Some families are advised never to touch Marijuana due to mental illness risk etc.
If he were my son I would be asking my husband to stay with him 23/7 to attend all doctor's visits, accompany him to and fro school and taking him on father-son camping or fishing relaxation weekends. Stick with him until his health and well being are known and he is making good decisions.
You and your husband could take holidays, time off without pay etc. It is so important to sever the contact with creepy mother.
Take out an intervention order on the girlfriend's mother (you have evidence of co-ersive control at hospital, identity fraud with phone calls to school and over bearing/oversharing details and inappropriate communication with your relatives and friends. She is loopy and no way would I allow any further interaction with her. Flag her home to Police about drugs too. It should be searched.

Write an explanitary note to your friends and family about the intervention order so that they understand why it is neccessary for them to not entertain any communication with the girlfriend's family.
This will be embarrassing for your son and he will feel torn about his feelings for his girlfriend..so facilitating him talking to close family and friends and professionals is important.

90 days-ish, reliably. Assuming he has average length hair.

It sounds absolutely nothing like county lines.