To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

[Lifeof6]

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

The most logical explanation is the most likely. No harm can be done by asking her why she’s behaving the way she is. Like others, I think the most likely explanation is the son has created a bit of a tale and it’s got out of control for him.

The GF at that age and as a student would not be able to claim universal credit or claim her own money I think. Students can't usually. She would be on her mother's claim as a dependant child instead. If your child really doesn't want a relationship, he has to tell her so and be firm. If they don't listen, and they put lots of pressure and they don't leave him alone, then he will have to make sure they don't want him. I'm sure the girlfriend would not want him if he goes out with friends or his brother nightclubbing or partying etc without her, or meeting other girls, or texting other girls and stuff like that. Maybe a lads weekend holiday or something too. She will hate him soon enough to not want to keep pressuring him anymore if he wants too. It isn't that difficult to use common friends social media etc to get the info to her. If they don't listen to I don't want a relationship anymore even when saying it so firmly , he needs to take himself out of the pedestal that they have put him by behaving appalling in their eyes.

The woman is telling people that police are removing OPs son into her care. Assuming OP is telling the truth, this person is a fantasist or a liar and well beyond talking to. It'll either end up escalating or the woman will end up lying about what was said.

I agree that the most logical explanation is usually the most likely, however nothing the OP has said (again, assuming she's telling the truth) screams that this person is a concerned parent trying to look after OP's son.

I’m glad he’s physically safe with you. I think holding off on giving him the phone or any access to computers is good for now. My guess is that she is contacting him on his laptop if he’s getting quiet. I would also show him the Freedom Program and help him sit through that online.

Are you logged out of all devices that your son might have access to?

I know two different families this has happened with. In one case it was actually old family friends who were the ones "stealing" another family's daughter. In the other, connected with mental health work because the mother who had lost her son was literally being driven crazy by the situation.
No drugs, no sexual exploitation, no cults. Just very self-righteous people with a strong saviour complex. Teenagers with normal levels of conflict in their relationship with their parents, but the sympathtic ear of the saviour family is attractive. And things spiral until the saviour family has convinced themselves and the lost teen that they have been abused in their family of origin and the best place for them now is with their new family.
I remember the oldest daughter of the old friends of my parents, giving an example of the abuse their "adopted" girl had suffered: she had never been bought a new, branded t-shirt in her life. It's ridiculous and so obvious now that this wealthy family who could buy her brand label clothing was attractive to her /not/ because of a life of abuse.

Anyway, the important thing is that in both cases the teenager ended up reconciled with their families.

I don’t recommend reading about the Aussie woman with DS & toxic GF situation. She was not proactive from the outset and last time I checked it wasn’t going well.

"The gf just text him though to say the parents are dropping the things by our door and leaving....we will see how this pans out. He said he isn't going out to them."

I wonder whether the reason they were so determined to get to your DS's belongings from his friend's before anyone else was:

• to go through it & intercept anything amongst it that might incriminate him &/or them, be-it clues to where he's been/drugs/money/secondary devices with texts/pics that might otherwise shed light on things if you had got them first?

OR

• conversely, to plant something amongst it - perhaps to track him, coerse, or secretly provide him with something like a note or direct means of communication/burner phone?

Either/Both could be possible.

Hope things become clearer, and that he gets out of their spell/grip 🙏
Wishing him (and you as a family) well with his heath checks today and going forward,

I'd bet my last dollar, the weed was spice.

to plant something amongst it - perhaps to track him

I wouldn't have thought of this but if they did drop everything off I hope OP and her ds have gone through carefully to check for this.

If there are any phones or tech items in with the stuff that is dropped, hand them into the police. I'd be very concerned about tracking and dodgy communications.

Drugs

first thought to my mind

their relationship needs to end asap

This...isn't comparable?
The mother has been stalking and impersonating and lying.
The boy was ill in hospital and they tried to bully him out.
It's the police and something like the Suzy Lamplugh trust that's needed.

Ask the police for a Sarah's Law disclosure (CSODS) on the girl's parents, if you haven't done so already.

If the OP tried "knocking on the door" to have a conversation, this woman would have likely gone to police and blown the whole thing out of proportion.

@Lifeof6 do you think your ds fitted with stress or do you think there is some sort of drug taking in the house ?
This women was scared of soenthing . At the hospital she wasn’t concerned for him she was concerned for herself . Why is the question ?
Id contact a solicitor . I’d also actulay be very firm with my son tbh . I’d ask him what’s actulay going on and that of course he can tell you anything . make sure he knows you can get through it together as a family. The form part would be making sure he knows these peopel are no good and they are going to hurt him and his own family .

Sorry - haven't read through the thread but cutting back to the seizure - Op's son needs to see a neurologist and get tests done.
My first thought is drugs could be involved. But it could be all kinds of things. And if there's a danger of it happening again, your son needs medication. Seizures are serious and dangerous things. Does he drive? If so, he oughtn't until he knows more and gets a medical OK to do so.

I speak from experience - my own son had his first (and so far only) seizure at a similar age. Investigations showed previous scarring in his brain which probably led to it, and he started meds which he takes to this day. A decade on all is well.

Is the GF’s family English, OP?

This was exactly my first thought too.

(It's seizure, not fit, btw)

Really? Nows really not the time for this. Like seriously get off your woke horse and manage the issue at hand. Obviously he needs to finish with the gf.

This is quite possible. Happening a lot.

The woman or her daughter may well be implicated in supply and that’s why she was trying to steer him away from medical examination. In any case, whatever her motivations, she’s impersonated you. She’s made malicious accusations. This is no doubt unlawful behaviour.

Your son’s behaviour sounds worrying, if you’ve never been abusive to him. Many teens are headstrong, hang out with people who may lead them astray or do daft things. But most teens would be appalled if a gf’s mother maliciously reported their family for abusing of them, putting jobs and the care of younger siblings at risk. I’d continue to take a calm approach with your DS while making sure he’s fully aware how her accusations put the entire family at risk.

In the meantime, discretely consult a solicitor who specialises in grooming of young people and harassment. Do some online research as to the best place to try. Probably a solicitor in a city. It may be best to protect your self via civil law, rather than leaving to the police to pursue any criminal offence. Though continue to report and cooperate with the police also.

The difficulty will be when your son turns 18, which is why it’s best not to alienate him. It may also be useful to get orders in place now, while he’s a minor. But a solicitor should be able to advise. It’s possible they wouldn’t apply once he turns 18. But it’s possible it’d be useful evidence later.

Ask your son if he’s aware of the risks of spice and how it can be sold as weed. Tread carefully. Speak to him as an adult. Keep it light. Don’t patronise or lecture him. Don’t tell him not to smoke weed. Just ask if he’s aware of the risks.

Oh God, this is a nightmare. What a werid family. Do you think your son complained about not being allowed to do anything and slated his parents? This has made the mum think he's being abused etc and act strange?! Not saying her behaviour is justified at all but, it's got to come from somewhere?! Have you asked him what he's actually said about you?

She can call the police, what’s she going to report? “OP knocked on my door”? Not illegal to knock on the door. She can set her phone to record in her pocket if need be.

It is very comparable. And in a way more straightforward to deal with when the perpetrators overtly show their hand. When people try to take your child from you, it can be so shockingly unobvious until it is too late, or almost too late. The bullying here is obvious and the pressure started almost straight away, leaving op to see a lot of red flags. It’s a lot lot more difficult to see it when conversations are wrapped up in bows, for the most part behind closed doors and therefore clandestine. And leaves you as a parent absolutely horrified at how you could have missed it all when it had been happening for months, possibly years. By this stage, your child is so enamoured of the people that it is impossible to straight talk to your child. And dangerous to confront the groomers as the child is likely to side with them. Some may realise what has happened and return to their family. Others will need specialist help to extricate. Hugs @PersephoneSeethes

I may have missed something, but is there any reason you and your elder son could not have gone straight to their house and demanded an explanation for all this?

Instinctively that's the first thing I would do, not on my own but with someone. Pin them down and get it sorted. At the risk of sounding sexist they are two females, not 6.6ft burly blokes we're talking about here.

Anyway, whatever is going on, I hope it's sorted for you later on. I am reluctant to heed a lot of the far fetched theories being put forward here. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Whatever that may be.