To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

[Lifeof6]

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Does it? Unusual for medical child abuse to be inflicted on a child who isn't close to the abuser and generally they relish the hospital visit and the attention that comes with it, they don't attempt to get the child away from the hospital as soon as possible.

Something similar happened to my little brother. The girl was real messed up, both 17, as soon as my mum tried to put in perfectly reasonable boundaries came drama. It ended up my brother going to stay with the girlfriend and the mother. He ended up in hospital, they’d been taking “cannabis” but it was actually these liquid pouches? Think they’re hard to pick up on tests too but he had 2 similar funny episodes and ended up in a&e and he ended up confessing they’d been taking these sachets of “cannabis”. My husband is ex police and told us what my mum had found in his room was spice, a synthetic cannabis. But like your situation, the mum was borderline ring leading it as well as one of the mother’s friends. Luckily my brother saw sense after around a month and returned home and she was blocked and deleted. But a police investigation did go further as other young boys were involved and they too were given alcohol and spice and had sexual experiences with the older women. It was just a mess and my mum had very little control, the police really helped, social services not so much. My brother has autism and is impressionable. Luckily the calm close relationship she has with my brother paid off as he came home.

This sounds mental OP. I hope it resolves itself quickly and your son is safe. Terrifying stuff.

This sounds nuts.
Does he really have no idea why she’s doing this? The suggestion that she wants him to get her daughter pregnant or run away with him herself is ridiculous surely? (And rooted in misogyny). Isn’t there a more logical explanation? I doubt she/ they would give him drugs and then have the audacity to cause you all this shit for the hell of it either. If he spends a lot of time there could he be slagging you off and making you out to be a terrible parent? Or the gf could have exaggerated something.
It is definitely odd that she was so keen to get him to come and stay over, turned up at the hospital and is pretending to be you on the phone but I bet she thinks she has a reason to.
Either way he absolutely needs to stay away from her now and also stick up for you! And someone needs to tell you the truth.

Do you have any family in another part of the country? I’d be going away for a while with my son…

This was where my thoughts went as well. I can’t fathom why they would be doing this unless they had something to gain.
I hope this has been a wake up call and will give him some space to get his head around the situation, consider their motives etc. Thinking of you and your family op xx

Maybe it was the girlfriend who rang the college, not her mum.

That’s really scary! And very very weird. Trust your gut, there is definitely something very off here.
Will he see her when he’s back at college? It’s a shame he has his phone back, no contact would be best. Can you access his phone? Would he allow you?

It sounds like some sort of cult, I'm sorry you're going through this, the mother is batshit and sounds terrifying.

It might sound ridiculous but these things do happen.

A friend of mine came from a very dysfunctional family. Her bf was allowed to sleep over a lot when they were teenagers. They were allowed to basically do whatever they wanted in her house.
He stayed over more til his own parents got concerned and angry and argued about it. Friend and bf started drip feeding to her mum that his parents were angry, controlling and then when he’d been there a few weeks ostensibly to study for exams (her mum’s suggestion because he said he couldn’t study at home because of all the arguing) my friend told her mum his parents were abusive. Mum spoke to him. He said yes, they did x,y,z. The mum went ballistic, insisted he was never going back home, he could live in their house and threatened to report them (but never did).
She rang his parents who were dumbfounded and gave them loads of abuse.
I don’t know what went on in his house but I strongly suspect the two teenagers at least embellished what had gone on, probably outright lied and it got out of control.
It’s now 10 years later. He had two kids with her and they have a council house together with two small kids.
His parents have zero contact with him or their grandchildren. Every time he tries to patch things up with them, she gets in the way to prevent it from happening and relishes saying how they will never see their grandchildren or have a relationship with them. They go on a lot like my own family and that is because of dysfunction and mh problems particularly borderline personality disorder.
If your son has gotten involved with a dysfunctional family who behave like this, thriving on drama and negative emotion, the best thing you can be is calm, rational and very measured in your responses. Talk to him calmly, set and stick to boundaries and do not interact with them unless unavoidable. Hopefully he will get wise soon before it’s too late.

Big hugs OP, we are in a similar position with our DS. His GF is one year older than him, they met at a 6th form college when he was 16, nearly 17. He is ND and quite vulnerable. Unfortunately, after twelve months we have had to accept we have lost him to their 'cult'. It's absolutely heartbreaking for us but to keep our sanity we just had to let it go. Everything we did to try to encourage him back, making great food, doing fun things etc just triggered the GFs jealousy and made her more manipulative.

The mother is a much of the same, she reminds me a bit of Professor Umbridge, thinks she is v kind and harmless but she is anything but. They have accused us of being abusive and of being bad parents and convinced DS that we are and that he is unsafe at home, I can't go into details on this forum, but we aren't. We never went to the authorities because he was over 16 and the school washed their hands of the situation, we lived out of the area and we didn't know what to do, we just hadn't ever experience anything like it, hadn't heard of it. Heard of the other way around with boys manipulating girls, but not our situation. I was speaking to my school friend back in my home country, and something similar has happened to their neighbours son.

Sounds like a cult - I know it’s odd for Uk but it does

his low self esteem won’t let him dump her sadly

if you have any acquaintances with DDs around his age, it might help - he needs a different distraction to her

if that fails, put a tiny little camera in his jacket to see what’s going on …

I'd be worried they were drugging and coercing and filming him for profit. Or planning to traffic him or turn him into a drugs mule. Or something really terrible. Can you move house? Would the police know if they have gangland connections?

I'll admit that I haven't read the full thread, so I'm not sure if this has been suggested already.
However, can you ring college and agree a 'password' that must be given before his personalinformation is given. This ensures that the other woman can't get any details by pretending to be you again. I work in a school and we have this system for some pupils.

This is how it came across to me after reading your OP. The mother is behaving more like a partner. I hope you get it sorted.

If you can afford it I would hire a PI and find out what I could. My thoughts (which others have voiced) are County Lines. He sounds a bit stunned by it all and afraid, but hardly shouting that you are keeping him away from the love of his life.

Perhaps your son doesn’t realise (at his age) the risks and dangers that he is in.
And he may find himself in a situation at this woman’s house that he cannot easily escape.
Perhaps the two of you need a signal or catch phrase that will immediately notify you that you need to go get him.
Something normal, but unusual like “American,” or “potato pie.” Or “roast dinner, or “black shoes.”
Something easy to remember and also something that would not raise any red flags to these two women.
I wish you the very best luck with your son. ❤️

Oh my. All kinds of craziness going on here and the girl's mother is insanely overly invested and overly involved.

There might be drugs involved somehow or the mother has an inappropriate romantic interest in your son herself. Or she might just be mentally ill, possibly bi-polar or borderline personality disorder (that's what it's called in the US). Or some combo of the above. Something here is definitely not right at all though.

But, reading between the lines, it sounds to me like your son might actually be grateful that you've stepped in and put up a barrier between him and them. It doesn't sound like he's fighting you on it. He probably knows he's out of his depth and not wanting to have to deal with any more of their weird drama. It really sounds embarrassing and exhausting, enough to drive any young guy away for good.

Therefore, hopefully, the worst has already happened and they will now begin to fade away, and your son will be able to back on track without them. Of course, being a teenager, he'll probably only tell you the whole story once it's safely in the distant past!

You sound like a very good mother. :)

Sounds like stuff our of a horror movie, OP. Sorry to hear you are going through this.
Absolutely, go ahead and make sure your son severs any relationship with this demented family of loonies.

But there’s no evidence for it. Not all women want to get pregnant and “trap” men for the sake of it and it’s even more unlikely they’d encourage their 16 year old daughters to do it.
I suspect there is a more logical reason for this woman’s odd behaviour.

I know from a situation I was in that the NHS website states siezure or fit. There's no need for this correction on such a distressing post.

Asides from drug use, those symptoms could be:

Hyperthyroidism
Addison's disease
Diabetes

The situation with his GFs mother is so scary. The family sounds weird and I'm sorry you're going through this.

I hope you're son well be okay and I hope those people back off and leave him alone.

This must all be so distressing for you OP. Firstly, your son being poorly and this very strange behaviour from his gf's family.

Can you imagine if a grown man did this to a teenage girl? Hopefully you will get the same level of support from the various services you've contacted.

It sounds like your son isn't pushing back on your rules so he also doesn't seem to be comfortable with this odd behaviour? Has he spoken much about it or given any clues?

I'm particularly suspicious of the whispering in A&E and trying to make him leave. On the back of having his first siezure, something just doesn't sit right.

Are they in a cult or doing ceremonies? It does happen. It may be cultural or newfangled but it can't be ruled out.

It sounds too organised and the coincidence of him being unwell is alarming.