To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

[Lifeof6]

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Sorry to hear this OP.
we have had similar - the partner was a girl whose parents had given puberty blockers and testosterone too.
no one listened or helped because she is trans and somehow that means it’s our fault because we are transphobic.
massive hugs to you, and other posters going through similar.

When I was raped at 17, just a few weeks off my 18th birthday, the police had to involve child protective services because of my age. So no. A 17 year old is not considered an adult.

To get a restraining order in the UK it has to be “attached” to a crime - so you can’t just ask for one. I can’t recall if it is specific crimes or not. I’m also not sure if it can only be issued once someone has been found guilty in court, or if it can be applied at the time of charges being filed. Hopefully this option will become open to the OP with the behaviours etc being shown so far - there might be enough there for the police to make an arrest.

Having read all of your posts OP you are handling this unthinkable situation very well. I’m thinking they could even be involved in County Lines,

You must be at your wits end with this family! Hopefully it is resolved swiftly for you all!

Just seen your update. Sounds nightmarish. But hopefully the police are taking it seriously.

That is a bit of a strange left unless he has other information.

But I was going to ask if you are a wealthy family?

Everyone is okay at home thanks is all.

We never had a social worker it was myself that have rang all agencies involved as I'm scared. I'm ringing her back today

We tried to talk again but it's making him extremely uncomfortable we could see that. He said he isn't really talking to her but not really anything I can do, I wish I could make him but obviously can't.

I'm awaiting the police officer getting back to me today for a further update.

I've took a lot of your great advice with regards to talking to him, offering him to speak to someone else etc but he said he doesn't want to. The college are supporting me immensely and have pastoral support/access to therapies.

Physical health he is okay. Still awaiting neurology being sent round in circles but I will ring again today.

We just can't give up, and won't to make sure he is safe.

It sounds like they are getting money out of him somehow, could they even be poisoning him and stealing from him?? Either this or definitely drug related.

I agree. The fact that they have panicked when he has been near a hospital is a giveaway.
And they target very ordinary youngsters who have no involvement with drugs.
They seemed desperate to get him in the car and away from the hospital and are clearly scared about what he may say.

There are things the police can do but they will not want to get involved.

Do you know a high street solicitor personally? This is a messy situation that will need a friend to talk it thought to sort out the details to an intelligible order and presentation. You will probably need a civil order of some kind, either anti-molestation, anti-harassment (or the third type I can’t remember at the moment).

Do you know his friends parents? If you know them reasonably well you may want to speak to a few for them to look out for him. You probably need to get this all on record somewhere. Also try and get the record of the police having to tell them at the hospital they couldn’t take someone else’s child from the hospital. Evidence of the police having to intervene is very useful.

Consider they may be blackmailing him.

If he has done something that isn’t that bad but they could be giving him the impression that it is. I suspect drugs is likely. Do you have a trustworthy male adult friend he can talk to, he may be ashamed to speak to you and afraid to speak to authorities a family friend may be an option (especially if they have a practical manner to them to give confidence they can solve problems).

You can get anti-molestation orders and anti-harassment orders without a crime. Particularly when it is a child. You need a solicitor to advise you on the best approach, but you need all the details.

I am stunned that they all turned up at the hospital ! for someone else's child !!!

I realise the girlfriend was with you and your son at the time, but as she is a child herself why on earth did she even go ? did you go in a car or an ambulance ?
and when I read the mother had turned up I expected it was to take her daughter home, not to try and take your son to her home !!!

Sadly for your son and you ( and your family ) they are clearly up to something no good !
What that is clearly I don't know, but I wish you every luck / success in getting to the bottom of it, and keeping your son safe.

i think you might be on to something

Don’t give up. My dd is 16, vulnerable and dh physically prevented her from leaving the house earlier in the year. She’s quite wilful so this lasted some time. It was dark and cold. We were trying to protect her so what we did was reasonable. She called the police on him. We cooperated by giving our names whilst she was on the phone. An officer came over a few days later and I explained the situation. He spoke to dd separately and told her that she had to listen to us as she is a minor and treated it as parental choice not to let her go out.

A 17 yo minor going out with a 33 yo man is a safeguarding concern and for now, her age is in your side. I would think preventing her from meeting this man right down to preventing her from leaving the house including physically stopping / restraining her in a safe way would be acceptable for you to do as a parent. But I’m not an expert.

We had a situation where some so called friends gave drugs freely to a 15 year old boy in my family and isolated him to an extent from other friends. Then told him he owed them lots of money and had to find a way to get it back either through stealing or selling drugs for them. They threatened his family and took his parents house key until he paid it off. Awful situation and so hard to get them to communicate openly with you and accept that these aren’t people they should be spending time with. Hope that isn’t the situation here but feels a bit too familiar.

OP I don't think you're wrong in any but but I think it sounds like your son is feeling pulled in two directions (albeit one direction is very, very wrong).

Your son saying he's "not really talking to her" is an interesting phrase. What does that mean? I'm not suggesting that you pressure him but I'd be keen to find out more about the level and detail of contact. It just has an air of him not wanting to lie to you but is perhaps in more contact than he wants you to know.

It's hard to break off even when people have done wrong especially if there's a bit of coercive control going on.

It's also worth bearing in mind that he's a year away from a situation where you'd be able to have very little input so I'd factor that in to how you deal with him. It may be that he's feeling very vulnerable but he may be feeling that all of this "fuss" (as he might see it) is more than he feels he should have at his age (rightly or wrongly).

Something very wrong here. I know some people like the 'drama' of attending A&E but who sits in the car park for 5 hours for someone else's child. I suspect PP may be on the right lines re blackmail or extortion.
I would encourage your son to talk to someone. At the bare minimum he might be hugely embarrassed that he's got involved with this girl and her family. At worst they are extremely dangerous.
Though if they are involved in something criminal I'm not sure they would go to the bother of making false allegations as it would just draw attention.
Does he understand that GF's mum's behaviour is very strange? And what the consequences could have been?

Just wanted to add support. Social Services can be fantastic when they want to be. A teacher who was abusing our DC put in a Safeguarding allegation against us to try and get our claim discounted. SS could see it was false and helped with loads of other things.

I'm wondering about drugs...

I'm also wondering about congenital epilepsy. It has a tendency to show up in the late teens if the brain is put under pressure. My DH choked in his sleep at 19 and had a fit which revealed a malformation in his brain. He's has absences and "petit mal" seizures ever since although mostly controlled by meds.

I think you need to a have a serious conversation with your son about the risks and how weird this other family are behaving - sounds like they are manipulating him. You said you've been soft with him, but maybe you need to change tactics now? The GF's mum sounds like a nutter - so sorry you're going through this but at least you're aware and giving it all your effort.

After reading your OP, the first thing that sprang to mind was they were clearly up to no good to all turn up at the hospital and try to prevent him getting the care he needed.

Also bloody weird the mother is pushing for him to stay over with her daughter, it’s almost like she wants to encourage them to have sex.

I am clutching at straws here OP and this may be completely wrong, but is there a bit of a class divide between your family and the girlfriends? Could they be trying to trap your son to get the girl pregnant thinking they can then get money out of you and your husband for child support? If he is refusing to have sex with his girlfriend, they could be spiking him with something to make him less aware of what’s going on and he’s reacted badly to what they’ve tried to do.

Either that or they are using him to ‘test’ the stuff they are dealing.

Have you contacted citizens advice at all? They may have access to services you weren’t aware of locally or could at least suggest some people to contact.

Just want to add in case anyone takes offence, I meant none in relation to the ‘class divide’ comment. I am fully aware that the vast majority of people from all classes are nice people and would never dream of this behaviour. It was just a thought that came to me in this particular situation as the two families sound worlds apart from what the OP has described.

Apart from showing your son the video on his phone, what is the gf's dad's involvement in this?
It seems bizarre if he is also actively involved - surely the last thing that most middle-aged men would want would be having an unrelated teenage boy come to live with them permanently, especially if it was to facilitate shagging their young daughter?

Do you have a link to the thread she updated on please? I have read the read due to this one, it was heartbreaking reading, I would love to see the update.

Are the Jehovas witnesses? Or Scientologists?

I read it all last night (there was 3 full threads, it was so long) and it just abruptly stopped, no “good” update.
He was still very much under the GF’s control.
It doesn’t sound as scary as this poor OP’s situation.
The Aussie thread was more about the GF being the issue with the Mum and Dad just being useless.
This thread seems to be some weird grooming situation with GF and her parents involved.