Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Stez · 30/04/2025 16:43

LSD causes all those symptoms and does not show on tox screen, but can be detected in hair for 3 months. Just a thought, I hope you are all OK, sorry that you are going through this x

Notsosure1 · 30/04/2025 16:54

If the ex gf is encouraging OP’s son to seriously harm them - they’re either threatened by his family or want him to be put away or discredited concerning anything he says about them to the authorities. They are incredibly dangerous, but unless they have an irrational hatred of his family, they don’t seem to pose a direct threat to them, but they may be to her son in order to shut him up - I’m so sorry OP x

ilovemyhamster · 30/04/2025 17:30

I hope you are turning a little corner with this terrible situation OP and I'm glad you are being listened to by all agencies. I just wanted you to say you are all in my thoughts.

Psychoticbreak · 30/04/2025 18:17

Frightening OP. I really hope you get something sorted out soon. Some people are totally unhinged.

NewAgeNewMe · 30/04/2025 18:58

How worrying and scary for you. My heart goes out to you and I’m glad the police are involved. They sound unhinged.

Iamnotalemming · 30/04/2025 20:38

I just wanted to say that you sound like an amazing Mum and I wish you and your family all the best Flowers

itsgettingweird · 30/04/2025 21:05

You sound like you are handling this brilliantly. Giving ds options of support and space to talk and being a safe person for him.

its great your da is opening up and you are allowing it rather than forcing it. He’s lucky to have a mum like you Flowers

CunningLinguist1 · 30/04/2025 22:15

Why on earth would they encourage him to harm his parents? And a letter is direct “evidence” trapping them in whatever it is they’re doing. How utterly weird & terrifying! What’s their “plan”?

ttcat37 · 30/04/2025 22:23

justasking111 · 30/04/2025 13:30

Our family had something similar, brother, SIL her teenage daughter. Boyfriend she finishes with came to the home with a knife to kill them all. Was a five hour police siege. Thankfully he did go to prison

Wow, that’s helpful and I’m sure something the OP really wants to hear right now

tara66 · 30/04/2025 22:38

Can you not take out an immediate injunction against members of this family saying they must never contact you or your son etc ever again?

Soontobesingles · 30/04/2025 23:06

Totally odd. I doubt you are getting the full story from your son. Does he have any close friends he might have confided in? Is there a way to speak with them or their parents to see if there is detail you are being left out of?

auderesperare · 30/04/2025 23:54

You must be completely exhausted, OP and running on pure adrenaline. This is beyond horrific. The whole family sound as if they have their claws into your DS. The girlfriend sounds seriously personality disordered and the mum is in some kind of weird co-dependency. The father sounds scary.
Please take the threats to yourself and DH seriously. I’m glad to hear the police are involved and you’re getting support from the college. It must feel like a bad dream. You’ve been quick-thinking and quick acting throughout. Without your vigilance, things could be so much worse. Once the immediate threat is over, you may simply crash from the exhaustion of it all. Look after yourself. Make sure you get all the support you need. I DH is looking out for you too. I really hope your son recovers and you can put this behind you in due course. I can’t help but wonder if it’s Munchausen’s by proxy on the part of the GF’s mum. Your kids should be so grateful to have you. I hope in time your son tells you the full story.

Mama2many73 · 01/05/2025 00:16

I think it sounds like your Don has been trying to find a way out if this but didn't know how. Obviously it's all very extreme to deal with but he obviously feels safe with you.
Having ghat distance may help him see clearly how twisted this all was. I think you've been amazing x x

Hdjdb42 · 01/05/2025 09:40

Forgive me if I'm wrong but it feels like he may have been complaining about his parents and said how horrible you both are. They're under the assumption that he's being abused and are trying to "save" him. Otherwise it's all too werid a situation! If that's the case he's never going to tell you what he said, because he's embarrassed.

Dadgivingup · 01/05/2025 11:31

CharlotteLightandDark · 29/04/2025 14:44

I’m pretty sure the son did get away from the crazy gf in the end.
I remembered it as they were in Australia and it sounded a lot like the plot of The Loved Ones (cult Aussie horror film)

That's the one where the 17 year old man is forced to drink bleach and the 16 year old woman's brains get smashed out, right?

I just wish the actors were really those ages. It would have been therapeutic for ne after I beat up the 17 year old guy who my almost then 16 year old daughter liked.

Dadgivingup · 01/05/2025 11:35

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/04/2025 10:32

Don’t give up. My dd is 16, vulnerable and dh physically prevented her from leaving the house earlier in the year. She’s quite wilful so this lasted some time. It was dark and cold. We were trying to protect her so what we did was reasonable. She called the police on him. We cooperated by giving our names whilst she was on the phone. An officer came over a few days later and I explained the situation. He spoke to dd separately and told her that she had to listen to us as she is a minor and treated it as parental choice not to let her go out.

A 17 yo minor going out with a 33 yo man is a safeguarding concern and for now, her age is in your side. I would think preventing her from meeting this man right down to preventing her from leaving the house including physically stopping / restraining her in a safe way would be acceptable for you to do as a parent. But I’m not an expert.

She left Friday and has been there since then as of Tuesday.

She's actually old enough to leave legally. I'm speaking to my mum about whether she can take her in for a few months since I'm not in the best mental state at the moment.

Malagase · 01/05/2025 13:46

MothershipG · 30/04/2025 13:27

She's almost certainly going to threaten self harm when you son finishes with her, if she hasn't already, it might be a good idea to prepare him for this and how he will respond.

Edited

Agree with this.
Highly likely.
Calling the police immediately to do a welfare check due to a threat of self harm while leaving an abusive controlling relationship.

Spell it out.
The police are well used to it.
Prepare him that it is a very common response of abusive types.

GeorgianaM · 01/05/2025 14:25

Thankfully the letter being taken seriously by the police has been the wake up call for your son that the girl is a psycho and doesn't have his best interests at heart and her parents are aiding and abetting her.

I would get him involved in a sporting activity such as judo where he can learn to be physically strong and defend himself and it builds mental strength.

CoraPirbright · 01/05/2025 18:07

OP you are doing brilliantly in this terrifying situation. Keep it warm, solid and loving yet light at home. Perhaps a bbq or something with a couple of best mates or favourite cousins or something? Just to reinforce the normal loving family environment he has?

Weezol · 02/05/2025 16:08

"He has been unwell around 8 months. Significant weight loss, extreme fatigue. Vomiting and nausea.
Mainly dizziness."

This could all be stress related - I had similar symptoms years ago owing to an awful working environment. They went on for nearly as year, just as you describe.
I finally left, got a new job and everything went back to normal.

Lack of sleep, big fluctuations in cortisol and adrenaline can do a real number on you as an adult, so in a developing teen it might be worse.

I hope things are better for you all and think you're handling this brilliantly.

Adrinaxo · 02/05/2025 16:13

This is so concerning, at first I thought the mother was trying to groom him but yes seems something more like drugs. Keep a tracker on him for his safety and get cameras on your home asap

ConstitutionHill · 02/05/2025 18:07

Soontobesingles · 30/04/2025 23:06

Totally odd. I doubt you are getting the full story from your son. Does he have any close friends he might have confided in? Is there a way to speak with them or their parents to see if there is detail you are being left out of?

I think this could be true. Given the seriousness and vindictiveness of the threats against you and the situation as a whole, I think the time for DS to 'not want to talk about it' has passed.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/05/2025 22:04

Dadgivingup · 01/05/2025 11:35

She left Friday and has been there since then as of Tuesday.

She's actually old enough to leave legally. I'm speaking to my mum about whether she can take her in for a few months since I'm not in the best mental state at the moment.

Edited

I am so sorry to hear that. I wish you both well and hope your mum can take your dd in.

ZepherinDrouhin · 08/05/2025 04:56

Has your son blocked her yet as you mentioned in your last posts that she was still messaging him. He needs to block her on all platforms as she's dangerous.

TwoSwannits · 08/05/2025 05:45

Hdjdb42 · 01/05/2025 09:40

Forgive me if I'm wrong but it feels like he may have been complaining about his parents and said how horrible you both are. They're under the assumption that he's being abused and are trying to "save" him. Otherwise it's all too werid a situation! If that's the case he's never going to tell you what he said, because he's embarrassed.

That's exactly how I am seeing it. I think the son is a big part of the problem here. It makes far more sense than anything else.