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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 28/04/2025 22:17

Lifeof6 · 28/04/2025 18:35

Thanks all. I am reading all your advice.
Unfortunately this is very real and still trying to process it all myself

We have had another incident and the police have got involved and took it very seriously, which I am very thankful for. I can't update as yet but I will as soon as I can.

Did they even ring your DS's items back to your house?

I know it's stressful, but keep being your son's advocate because those people sound bat shit and potentially dangerous.

Confusedmeanderings · 28/04/2025 22:19

Hope you are all ok OP.

SwornToSilence · 28/04/2025 22:28

I'm worried

WeightLossGoal2024 · 28/04/2025 22:33

Good advice here about passwords with college

Tiredofallthis101 · 28/04/2025 22:50

This is terrifying, hope you get them sorted so they cant get to your son any more.

TreacleMoon123 · 28/04/2025 23:11

Hope you are all ok

Whatsitreallylike · 28/04/2025 23:15

Glad police are taking it seriously OP! Hopefully these people will be gone from your life soon

SuperTrooper14 · 28/04/2025 23:17

What an utter nightmare and such chilling behaviour from them. I wonder if the GF is a princess who gets what she wants and so the parents will do anything to keep her happy – even trying to kidnap your son at the hospital. There's no reason for them to be so invested in a teenage girl's love life!

I hope the police are firmly on your side after this latest incident and that your DS is safe.

DdraigGoch · 28/04/2025 23:23

Hastentoadd · 28/04/2025 18:54

Are you sure your son hasn’t told them fibs about having a difficult home life and controlling parents, childish lies that are after getting out of hand and they believe he needs to be protected from you and your Dh

Otherwise, it’s very strange behaviour indeed
Surprised your son still considers her a girlfriend considering the strange behaviour unless he knows why she ( and her mother) are doing it but can’t admit it to ye, eg that he has told a few lies etc

I could be way off but just a theory

I imagine that it started as "my mum won't let me stay over" (perfectly reasonable, no?) and the batshit girlfriend's family latched onto that and started imagining their own stories, asking him leading questions so that he confirmed what they said etc.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/04/2025 23:39

GeorgianaM · 27/04/2025 18:00

Not just giving him drugs but they could be involving him in selling drugs.

He seems to have very low self esteem and is easily manipulated which makes him very vulnerable at being preyed on by people with an agenda.

Yes I wondered this

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/04/2025 23:41

I hope he isn't having unprotected sex with her

HeyCooper · 28/04/2025 23:57

I’m sorry to hear there’s been another incident but positive to know police are involved. I hope your family are ok

Politygal · 29/04/2025 00:26

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:02

Wouldn't rule anything out at the moment.

My husband is thinking more stranger things then me.... He can't get out his head it's the mother after him!

Is it possible the GF is very early on in pregnancy, not showing yet, and mother wants DS as husband for her. And it may not be his?

Squigglesandgiggles · 29/04/2025 01:14

I hope you are okay op. This situation is shocking and I really feel for you and your family.

Dadgivingup · 29/04/2025 01:38

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:59

Yes. It's very difficult legally. The social worker I rang told me to utilize my parental rights as long as I can. Right now I know he can just walk if he wanted. So I'm treading very carefully and we are slowly getting progress with him talking about them. He hasn't seen either of them since it's only been days though. He agreed to stay at home whilst he is having these symptoms. (I think it scared him)

I'm literally losing sleep over something similar.

I'm trying to get my 17 DD away from a 33 year old man who I know did drugs and paid for sex with 17/18 year olds in Thailand a couple years ago.

It looks like care orders could help, but they only apply to under 17's for some ridiculous reason. I'm about to either give up or take things into my own hands at this point. The law is useless at this age.

Dadgivingup · 29/04/2025 01:41

HeyCooper · 28/04/2025 23:57

I’m sorry to hear there’s been another incident but positive to know police are involved. I hope your family are ok

What can the police really do? 17 is viewed as an adult and illegible for protective measures like care orders.

Fraaances · 29/04/2025 02:29

I had similar issues with my DD2’s first boyfriend and family. Am in Aus so different laws apply. Was pretty scary for a while. It was the perfect storm of drug dealers WITH documented MH issues and that kept them protected from prosecution. They still show up occasionally and we all get the shudders.

MeandT · 29/04/2025 03:41

Appreciate it could be anything OP, but does sound a lot like joint could have been laced with ketamine.

Hope you've had some answers from the hospital & your son's health is improving now?

Big hand hold! All sounds very scary & overwhelming while you try to unpick it all & get to the bottom of what's going on. Flowers

RLmadmum · 29/04/2025 06:55

Hope you're okay OP, they sound unhinged!

AussieManque · 29/04/2025 06:58

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 20:16

Lots of great points. Thank you everyone.
He has been unwell around 8 months. Significant weight loss, extreme fatigue. Vomiting and nausea.
Mainly dizziness.
This sounds like someone on drugs believe me I know.
We went through hell with our older son when he was 16 (mental health and self harm) and I never gave up and he turned a corner. I agree he is the best person here from my son to listen to.
Ive already asked the college about the support we are discussing it tomorrow at the meeting. I don't know what to think. The allegations were strange I lock him in a cupboard.... I scream in his face as I know it makes in faint? Even the officer apologized to me and said they didn't even make sense.
I agree he probably laid it on thick about never lets me do anything etc because we have been strict with letting him stay over etc.

I'm a tiny petite girl literally look and sound like a child my son's huge. I'm 37. She's about late 40s?. I said to my husband he would have been the easy target for abuse, it seems very personal.... I'm extremely soft on my children ( I was abused as a child) if I'm guilty of anything it's that.

The whole thing with the girlfriend and her mum is very mysterious and bizarre, and it might be drugs. But please also consider long covid and POTS. These are all symptoms of long covid, and symptoms of POTS include dizziness and fatigue. His 'seizure' could have been caused by sudden changes in blood pressure.

Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) is a condition that causes a number of symptoms when you transition from lying down to standing up, such as a fast heart rate, dizziness and fatigue. While there’s no cure, several treatments and lifestyle changes can help manage the symptoms of POTS.

CatsWhiskerz · 29/04/2025 07:14

Goodness this all sounds very strange, good luck

Missj25 · 29/04/2025 07:36

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Hey OP ..
Sorry to hear you are going through this ..
They sound so awful..
Has your son finished with this girl ?..
panic attack’s & anxiety no fun either , how stressful..
I hope your son will be ok , as in they get to bottom of seizures..🤞..
You need professional help on how to handle this , that woman falsely accusing of abuse , ringing school pretending to be you .. That is horrendous to be honest ..
Hope this resolves for you soon ..
Best of luck x

Rosejasmine · 29/04/2025 07:38

CountFucula · 27/04/2025 17:57

Could they have /be supplying him with drugs? Is that a possibility?

That’s my first thought - maybe ketamine or something. My son would not be going back - a load of final straws in one.

AmIEnough · 29/04/2025 07:38

This is really concerning! The GF’s mother sounds awful. Do you think his seizure could’ve been due to some kind of substance they’ve given him? I would be very concerned about his safety and absolutely would get the police involved. What does your son say about all this? Did you ask him what they were whispering to him when you were at the hospital?

Rosejasmine · 29/04/2025 07:46

I’d see a solicitor if I were you. These people need to leave you and your son alone. If he wants out of the relationship now grab hold of that and in the meantime advise him to block them including any social media, lock it all down.
Let the school know what is happening. I’d contact SS too (after speaking to a solicitor maybe), if you can afford a solicitor they will advise the best course of action. I think it’s that serious.
i have never heard of a case where a parent is an obsessed stalker.

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