To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

[Lifeof6]

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Me too. Did we ever find out the outcome?

Hope you are ok this lady sounds terrible

This is so frightening OP, I hope that your son is ok and that you are getting lots of help and support.

It sounds like they’ve got a hold over your son of some description. Might not be drugs but maybe something sex related that too a teenager is a huge terrifying thing - like a picture or a sexual activities more than kissing when she was underage or it could be drugs. Or the girl “can’t live without him” which is often used in coercion/control. It would explain why he is withdrawn.

They sound crazy and I hope they leave you alone.

OP, this sounds deeply disturbing. My heart goes out to you. You need to keep a really cool head right now,l. However panicked you feel inside, don’t let it show to either your son or the GF’s family. Showing your son that you are calm and that home is a sanctuary is vital. You can’t do that if there is hysteria or all the wider family visiting and putting in their tuppence worth.
You do need to be hyper vigilant, however. Make a detailed record of everything that has happened. Dates, times, witnesses, who said what to whom. What agencies are involved. What the recommendations are. It sounds as if you’ve been through a lot and out the other side with your eldest DS. He may be able to get closer to the truth. Your 17 yr old DS may not be wholly innocent in this. So you should be prepared for that. You need to reassure him that you will stick by him, whatever and if he can’t tell you the extent of it, he should confide in his brother or Dad. Let him know that whatever he’s said or done, you’ll forgive him and help him work it out.
You need to work with your DH on this. Let him take an equal role and let all you DCs see you working as a team. Keep the home, a relaxed, fun, happy place, whatever you are feeling inside.
Finding the cause of your DS’s son’s health issues is the priority. Obviously, if there is something sinister going on, that’s a grave concern. Get the cease and desist letter and the non-molestation order if you feel that would help but just block and grey rock the GF’s family as much as you can. Don’t feed into their drama.
It might be worth asking DS for permission for you or DH to track his phone for safety. Let him track you too. Once you know exactly what you are dealing with, you can make decisions as a family. But the first step is to get the atmosphere at home as calm as possible. Good luck.

I’m so sorry this has happened. We had a similar thing with my adult son where his GF tried to Pull him away from us.
She lied that she was being abused and used to send me 12in long text messages pertaining to be from him admitting to abusing her and giving me demands etc.
we never gave up or gave in and he finally escaped late last year.
He was the one that was being abused, both physically and mentally, he took his child and once she realised that he wasn’t going back and she lost control of him she stopped asking to see the child too and hasn’t seen her since.

i hope you can get it sorted.

But your son is 17, she couldn't just take him, he had to have walked out with her willingly for you to need to go chasing them down the street and trying to stop them from leaving the hospital. Why on earth was going on in your son's head? Did he resist coming back with you once the police officer intervened? Did the police officer ask him what he wanted to do and what was going on?

Do you think he is saying one thing to you and another thing to her? She certainly seems to think he's being abused, she's acting like she's convinced she needs to protect him. Why would she say you lock him in cupboards? Where on earth would she get such an idea from?

I hope that you get this situation sorted out for your whole family’s sake. It sounds very traumatic for you all.

Omg! Hope you are all ok and safe from that mad family

Im sorry to hear you are going through this. I hope it gets sorted soon. It does sound like that there is drugs involved. Hope things rurn out foe the best for you

Oh god @Lifeof6 . I hope you are all okay (as you can be) xx

I agree with a pp. Book a holiday, even a long weekend. Lie to DS if needs must. Say you are going somewhere but actually drive to some completely different. A hotel or airb&b. Stuff already packed in the boot.

Are they grooming him?
It sounds like abuse and very similar to ‘my lover my killer’ on netflix

Just trying to make you aware this is abuse and harassment .
something else is going on that you don’t know and clearly your son is too scared to tell you

dont let your boy from your sight and the police need to do more.
probably apply for a restraining order / non molestation order ASAP.

This

So sorry to hear this OP - you mentioned a Social Worker in one of your posts, is this an existing SW who is working with your family unit in some way - just trying to understand the engagement of the different agencies.

This is so bizarre. I really hope you are all able to get through this and that your son is OK at the other end. Love to you x

Gosh so sorry to hear op that more has happened

How awful. Please keep us posted op

Where l work we always say seizures, fitting is an outdated description

I hope you and your son are both okay!

Arguing that certain situations of someone’s child being taken or attempted to be taken are not comparable is something I find quite distressing for very personal reasons. Please don’t tell me I’m projecting again. I really am not. Taking someone’s child by whatever means is a form of manipulation whether overt or covert. The means employed to regain that child may be different. However the same consistent, loving and caring parental / caregiver message will always be the same. This is my final point on this conversation string.

I know it feels hard now op. It’s just so great you’ve got back up and support from the police and I hope this nightmare will soon be over for you. Lots of love and care to your ds. ❤️

I agree this is very concerning and YANBU to want to keep him away.

Could the mother be putting something in his food? It would be interesting to see if his health issues improve being away from the house.

Your DS sounds sensible and he handled the malicious reporting maturely, nipping it in the bud.

You know you haven’t done anything wrong and everyone has seen through the situation and supported you, so try not to let the reporting derail you to the extent of panic or feeding into unnecessary fears about your job.

Your care of your DS was never really at issue, try to focus on how you can support him through this and keep him safe.

Why are some people arguing over whether it is fit or seizure..?! FFS 🤦🏻‍♀️ this place is embarrassing sometimes.

@SnoozingFox i think of that poor woman’s thread, it was shocking. I had a dig for it but cant find it! I hope she’s doing better.

Australian Mum in a similar thread update