To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

[Lifeof6]

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Thinking of you xxx

Oh dear. Hope you are all ok.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like they are worried about your son because they think he is being abused. Because if that were the case, they would have contacted the police and SS, not tried whisking him away from medical attention and trying to ruin your life. The fact that she was begging you to let him stay and trying to manipulate him to go around screams something isn't right.
Trust your gut always is my motto.

I would be extremely suspicious, that when you were at the hospital, the mother and gf wanted to speak to him privately....are drugs involved and they didn't want your son saying anything. There is definitely something going on, especially with your son now saying he doesn't not want to see the mother or gf. I would get an restraining order against them, there are definitely dark things going on....Hopefully you can sit down with your son and have a good chat to find out why he seems scared to be in the mothers and gf company. There is more to this than you know, the behaviour of the mother and gf I'd definitely very odd

It is worth thoroughly checking everything they drop off in case they have included a note, secreted drugs somewhere or something else.

Are you sure your son hasn’t told them fibs about having a difficult home life and controlling parents, childish lies that are after getting out of hand and they believe he needs to be protected from you and your Dh

Otherwise, it’s very strange behaviour indeed
Surprised your son still considers her a girlfriend considering the strange behaviour unless he knows why she ( and her mother) are doing it but can’t admit it to ye, eg that he has told a few lies etc

I could be way off but just a theory

Can't you discuss again with social services but also stress that their behaviour has also made you concerned for the GF's wellbeing and home environment?

See how they like it, and also regarding their complaint to social services/polices - false reporting IS a crime - pursue it with the police.

You need to make sure that your original "incident" at the hospital involving the police has been formally logged and recorded and ensure the officer involved's bodycam footage is preserved as evidence of their coercive, criminal behaviour.

That coupled with your son having confirmed to the police about their behaviour should set you well on your way to stomping on them legally.

Oh OP I am so sorry. I hope you can put a stop to this madness.

@Lifeof6 At least the Police are now taking things more seriously.
Reading your descriptions of these very disturbed people is quite chilling.
I hope your DS (and the rest of you/your family) are ok.

It really is chilling.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this @Lifeof6

I suspect he has seen something that he shouldn’t have and they are trying to make sure he doesn’t tell anyone.

Odd that, cos as a nurse we say someones fitting rather than seizure especially if it's an emergency !

Yes I remember that thread too. Afew years ago.

It's good the police are taking it seriously and the body cam footage from the hospital should also help.

It definitely sounds like something is going on and they are trying to make sure it stays concealed.

This is the similar thread that's been mentioned by others. Apologies if it has already been posted: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4116061-my-16yo-ds-and-his-girlfriend-and-her-mum#102951823

Did you get any news from neurology?

You are doing so well to be holding firm against this and having your ds safe whilst it’s happening

When I worked at a PRU early 2000s we had this. Families who routinely took in other peoples children, even though they could barely cope themselves. I never really understood why. There may occasionally have been some benefits involved but usually not. The best reason I could find is that it was usually a friend of their child, and it helped them manage their own child.

This happened to me to a much lesser extent when my son was 14. My son had a girl friend who was two years older. The parents tried to apply pressure to let him stay over etc. it was because their own daughter (girlfriend) wanted this and was throwing tantrums, carrying on etc and having my son there made their life easier. They had about 5 kids and the household was in total chaos. Dad had a very good job etc, but they seemed unable to manage their own children.

My son was becoming exhausted.It was emotional abuse but he didn’t feel able to finish with her. Eventually he pleaded with his dad to help him. My husband helped him compose and send a text. I got the school involved, she was a at 6th form college. I got her banned from the school campus.

I was very clear throughout that my son would not be staying and that I would have their daughter prosecuted. After he finished with her we endured a whole weekend of abusive texts and threats which we told him to ignore.

It wasn’t easy and your situation sounds much worse. Good luck

So sorry to hear this, hope that you can relax enough to get a decent night's sleep.

This is exactly what I thought. Why they were keen to get him out of the hospital.
Definitely sounds dodgy to me. Just like to add I'd make a record/diary just in case it gets more bizarre.

Good grief what have they done now 😳 I’m hoping this is the last you hear of them

Have you thought of changing his phone number añd maybe taking him on two weeks holiday to break the tight emotional bonds with this gf mother.
Just an idea.

W

At 17 you’re no longer a child but not an adult. You could ask the police to file a restraining order on the mother. Get your son to be there with you. I know we hear ‘horror stories’ about the police but they do have very highly trained officers. If you get nowhere with them try a brilliant charity called Unseen. Mainly deal with modern slavery but will definitely help you find the correct help. I work at a hospital and we’ve used them a number of times to get vulnerable people help.

Harassment is one of the hardest common crimes to get a conviction around. I think the motivation of this girl and her mother has to be established before courts are asked to intervene or otherwise the charges aren't going to stick. Where's the girls father and are there any mental Health issues I wonder? Def a safeguarding concern and some good suggestions on the thread but I think the police have some investigating to do. Def control there as a starting point of any investigation, coupled with inappropriate behaviour makes this a priority for them to investigate. Speak to whoever the inspector for the area is, you should get a positive response from him or her given the facts.

Well done for picking up on the important and crucial part of the post. Forget OPs huge worry and sons risks - someone could get offended by the mistaken term (if indeed it is - she is a nurse)

Oh my god what an absolute nightmare for you and your family OP.

It sounds to me like this girl 's family are part of a cult or something - it is definitely batshit crazy behaviour.

I really do hope that your son is better soon, and you get all the help you possibly can in order to keep these idiots away from you.