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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
CarrotVan · 28/04/2025 09:17

@Aizen and the father who is a bouncer and showed the OP’s son videos of him head butting someone…

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 28/04/2025 09:20

This is one of the most terrifying things I’ve read on here! She sounds unhinged and you’re doing all the right things OP. Sending hugs

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/04/2025 09:22

What a nightmare. Stay strong in this, deep breathing, fight fire with fire.
I'm glad you recognised that things aren't right.
Best of luck.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 28/04/2025 09:24

Hope you get some support today from college etc

Sickofschoolruns · 28/04/2025 09:27

I don't know if this has been mentioned already OP, but given they are trying to make your son live with them and he is in a relationship with their daughter, I would consider a Claires Law request against the two adults. It may give you more idea of who you're dealing with and if there is anything you may get assistance from the authorities.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 28/04/2025 09:38

Once your son is clear health wise, I would be tempted to go away for a while to try and get away from the drama of it all (and hopefully break the GF bond a bit) - can you do 2 weeks somewhere, even staying with family?

Gemkls · 28/04/2025 09:39

This was the case with my brother. Thought him and his girlfriend at the time were trying weed. It was spice that they’d ordered online. Sold as “cannabis”. He ended up in hospital twice. Thank god he came to his senses and left her after only a month. Was a month of hell for my mum though.

Whatayear2023 · 28/04/2025 09:43

I have kids similar age and one thing I've noticed they do lie and exaggerate... its not so far fetched to assume your son has been doing same to his gf and gf mum about you....
If he witnessed his older brother having issues these would have an effect on him also. Maybe he wanted to stay for a break
Then you get people like gf mum who becomes overly involved in other people.. wanting to help fix etc the hero complex.
Weed he smoked could have been laced with something from the dealer etc.
I would be going full miss Marple and finding out everything about this family. Search fb for a start family friends etc news articles 118 to see where they have lived previously and news articles for those areas etc

Lucked · 28/04/2025 09:50

Has he said anything about why he was leaving the hospital with them ?- I find that the strangest part. With his parents there pleading and then to still go with them. It certainly sounds like they have some sort of control over him.

aAs there seems to be some sort of parental alienation I would recommend a counsellor. He needs someone who he considers impartial who he can be fully honest with regarding drugs or whatever else happens at their house without judgement.

Fedupmumofadultsons · 28/04/2025 10:27

NotSafeInTaxis · 27/04/2025 17:47

He needs to finish with the GF.

(It's seizure, not fit, btw)

The woman is beside herself with worry and that is your concern jesus grow up .I personally would gave called it that as well that used to be the term .

RiversofOtter5 · 28/04/2025 11:14

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2025 09:13

It is very comparable. And in a way more straightforward to deal with when the perpetrators overtly show their hand. When people try to take your child from you, it can be so shockingly unobvious until it is too late, or almost too late. The bullying here is obvious and the pressure started almost straight away, leaving op to see a lot of red flags. It’s a lot lot more difficult to see it when conversations are wrapped up in bows, for the most part behind closed doors and therefore clandestine. And leaves you as a parent absolutely horrified at how you could have missed it all when it had been happening for months, possibly years. By this stage, your child is so enamoured of the people that it is impossible to straight talk to your child. And dangerous to confront the groomers as the child is likely to side with them. Some may realise what has happened and return to their family. Others will need specialist help to extricate. Hugs @PersephoneSeethes

Not sure the resources and habits of a family linked to organised crime would be comparable to a family that's merely weird. Let's hope.

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2025 11:40

RiversofOtter5 · 28/04/2025 11:14

Not sure the resources and habits of a family linked to organised crime would be comparable to a family that's merely weird. Let's hope.

Op has not confirmed organised crime or cult etc.

RiversofOtter5 · 28/04/2025 13:08

Mummyoflittledragon · 28/04/2025 11:40

Op has not confirmed organised crime or cult etc.

No but you're projecting quite a lot and OP needs to stay alert.

The mother already has impersonated her...

TheKeeperOfTissues · 28/04/2025 13:43

A friend of mine developed seizures following a period of smoking spice coupled with an enormous amount of stress and turmoil (hence the spice)

Thankfully once the stress reduced and the spice smoking stopped, the seizures did too.

I am wishing your son a speedy recovery 🙏
and the gfs mother a long walk off a short pier.

SmoothRoads · 28/04/2025 14:52

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 19:11

Believe me we have.
He agreed it's weird and I said you now need to make adult choices. He just shuts down when I push further.
He has a big family aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. All have been here at some point and given him thwir opinions

Please put a stop the extended family visits. The poor kid is under enough pressure already. He needs to be able to trust you.

Festivespirit85 · 28/04/2025 17:58

HuffleMyPuffle · 27/04/2025 18:03

I'd also be concerned they were trying to get him to get the girl pregnant so they could "ensnare" him

And that they might start claiming this is the case regardless of its true

Not to worry you more but just to make you aware of something to consider

That was my thoughts too!

Thisismynewname23 · 28/04/2025 18:02

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 20:28

Have one already. X

This sounds so scary, I really feel for you all x

CountessWindyBottom · 28/04/2025 18:05

This is so creepy, weird and extremely worrying @Lifeof6. And I'm so sorry your son had a seizure and needs medical investigation.

Trust your gut. There is nothing as queer as folk. I mean reading your thread I was thinking about everything from the recent Dominique Pelicot case to witchcraft to other myriad nefarious things (I've a fertile imagination) but there behaviour is indicative of them wanting to almost 'own' him and cut him off from you.

I'm amazed that he has a new phone and is texting her. They shouldn't really be in touch. How does he feel about her?

Sounds to me like there are substances involved (whether he is complicit in taking them or not) so maybe having a very open chat about that would help. I'd also screenshot and log absolutely everything with the police.

Please keep us posted on what's happening and how your son is doing. I can't begin to imagine trying to get your head around such a fucked up situation.

Mistyglade · 28/04/2025 18:07

CountFucula · 27/04/2025 17:57

Could they have /be supplying him with drugs? Is that a possibility?

That was my first thought.

Nurse08 · 28/04/2025 18:11

Is this a true post?it just seems a bit unlikely to me. When it is known that Gf mother is trouble, why let them call her from a and e? Why let her take the sick chap outside?
Lastly who gives possessions back to people other than the owner?

Farkinhell · 28/04/2025 18:16

CountFucula · 27/04/2025 17:57

Could they have /be supplying him with drugs? Is that a possibility?

This was my first thought too. Perhaps in the hopes he becomes a dealer for them/someone they know.

I hope you can get support from the police to set up something that means the whole family have to keep clear.

Is his college at the same place she is at school? If so is it possible for him to move to a different one, not that he should have to but if it reduces chance of them meeting then for the best.

laraitopbanana · 28/04/2025 18:27

Wow.

you need to lead in having the police involved for the gf’s mother. He can still choose to be involved with gf but as things are…no phone alone, no time alone with gf…etc and you should be open and tell him that their behavior worries you and that that is the reason why he can’t do these two things.

you need to explain how and what to expect to other adults and acceptable behavior for his girlfriend towards you.

It is absolute madness! But reporting someone maliciously can be acted upon by the police so keep it all and show them.

Good luck,
protect your son!

PotatoLove · 28/04/2025 18:28

Omg OP how awful!

ThistleTits · 28/04/2025 18:34

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:02

Wouldn't rule anything out at the moment.

My husband is thinking more stranger things then me.... He can't get out his head it's the mother after him!

That certainly crossed my mind. The daughter might be a cover for the mother. Definitely would be thinking some sort of drugs.
I do hope everything works out positively.

Lifeof6 · 28/04/2025 18:35

Thanks all. I am reading all your advice.
Unfortunately this is very real and still trying to process it all myself

We have had another incident and the police have got involved and took it very seriously, which I am very thankful for. I can't update as yet but I will as soon as I can.

OP posts: