To think parenting with screens is becoming completely normalised

[Minimalistmamaoftwo]

my husband and I were travelling with our two children on a ferry over the weekend. It’s an eight hour journey, our children are 4 and 1. We had brought lots of books/coloring/games and a Tonie (with headphones) as backup if they got really tired.
there were a family next to us about our age with slightly older children, maybe 6 and 3. The children were on their iPads for the entire eight hour journey. The mum read a book, the dad was on his phone with headphones in, they also played cards together while the children sat next to them plugged into headphones. We were absolutely astonished. It just felt like they were just relaxing and doing whatever they wanted and had completely absolved themselves of parenting because the iPads were doing it for them.
Just to note before people respond with the usual points, no suggestion they were ND and the argument that parents need a break can surely not be applied for eight hours whilst completely ignoring their children. I just felt really sad for them and worried for society

My grandchildren have a screen in front them far too much. Drives me absolutely insane. So now they're banned when they come to my house - they've got toys, craft sets, colouring, paper etc and they can watch one film a day. They love reading books, doing nature walks, going for cycle rides.

I feel sorry for the kids being raised by people that use them in loco parentis.

5 and 2 year old. We don’t own an iPad and TV is limited. I kind of agree with you that screens are really normalised now, probably a bit too much.

But if we did own an iPad it would definitely be cracked out on a ferry journey. That is definitely not a normal situation. The whole 8 hours? Maybe not. But I really don’t think parents giving their kids unlimited screen time on a ferry is the hill to die on.

You’re not a teacher if you aren’t teaching.

We should only care when children are being abused otherwise it’s nothing to do with you. I’m sure lots of people would disagree with your style of parenting, would you think that was fair?

I'm with you OP and the responses to this thread make me feel quite sad.

@JandamiHash or course you are, what a ridiculous thing to say. If you have done your teacher training and have QTS you are a teacher even if you then never work in a classroom in your life

I agree 100% with the OP.

8 hours solid on iPads is neglectful and that’s why we should care.

To add to what’s already been said - if you hand your kids a screen every time something “boring” comes up - car journey, going round the supermarket in the trolley, going on a bus/train/ferry/plane, going through the railway station or airport, waiting for an appointment, waiting for food to arrive, eating dinner (!) … you are going to end up with kids who have no idea how anything works in real life. There are all these teenagers and young adults scared to grow up and plough their own furrow because they’ve never had to be present for anything; every thing requiring mundane effort is eventually handed to them and in the meantime they can just zone out.

My own kids are 6 and 18 months. We don’t have iPads and never give them our phones - it would be opening a can of worms. The 6 year old is allowed one chunk of TV a day, and it’s actually a pretty long chunk of 90 min or so, while his brother naps. There were a few very hard years, but the 6 year old is out the other side and he’s good company in a cafe or on a journey. He knows what his screen limits are and hasn’t tantrummed in years when the TV goes off (he did as a toddler). He’s on the waiting list for ADHD/ASD assessment so even with a (potentially) ND kid it can be done.

I think only teachers would agree with this. I'd be very concerned if my childs teacher hadn't worked for 5+ years and was able to walk straight back into the class room without any further training or courses.

I’m pretty anti screens and anti kids being raised by screens but this just reminded me of going on a 6 hour flight when I was about the same age and spending the entire time watching films on the little plane tv. This would have probably been about 20 odd years ago. Films and long journeys is a good mix in my opinion

@Hayley1256 yes but you are still a teacher, you don’t cease to be one. You may do some FPL whilst you’re not working or before you return but you don’t just stop being a teacher

For every post on here worrying about too many screens there’s another complaining about kids playing outside screaming, running about too loudly in their homes or trampolining too high in their own gardens. It feels like you can’t win as a parent. Unless your child will sit for eight hours straight doing colouring in!

Indeed. Everyone judges.

Maybe the other family were judging OP and her kids for making a racket while their kids were quietly occupied 😂.

Best not to worry about what other people are doing or thinking and focus instead on what makes you and your kids happy and content, within the bounds of reasonably acceptable behaviour.

In this scenario I think if I’d cared enough to really notice (beyond taking in my surroundings), I’d have just assumed it was ‘holiday/ travelling rules’. Or Maybe they were reading the full works of Shakespeare 🤷‍♀️.

Also, sometimes it’s about surviving not thriving!

Admittedly, where I am mindful and do monitor what’s being consumed, I am probably more lax than some when it comes to screens though.

I met a friend the other week and was gobsmacked when during a day out when we stopped for our picnic lunch she gave her dc 6 and 2 a screen each!

it was a full on day out and the kids had plenty of things to see and do and I can’t understand why this would be needed.
I know her kids well we keep in regular contact and she talks about the 6 year old only wanting screens since he was 5 (gaming/ tv) and so she got him a new tv for his room instead of toys for Christmas!

I think some people like to pretend they haven’t got a parental responsibility!

@meevee
Yes for sure there is some really good stuff on TV now for kids & I think it would be fine if they watched an hour or so, went off to the shop, wandered up to the top deck, went to get some food, played a card game & then went back to iPad to play a game then it would be different. This sounds like a solid 8 hours on an iPad.

It’s a good job you don’t have to hang out with us 😉

I'm an infant school teacher and the increased amount of speech and language delays and difficulties in children are I believe are in part directly related to screens.

I don't think it's the screens then, but instead, what's on the screens perhaps?

My eldest got a special prize in class once because he could name all the shapes up to something like 20 (I don't know them myself) - he knew them because he used to watch a youtube video that sang them. This is also how he learned the alphabet. My youngest can bake a perfect swiss roll - he didn't learn that from me, but from researching various recipes on the internet and yes watching youtube videos.

I've had very tricky conversations in the car at work about the various situations around the world, because they'd heard about them on the youtube channels they watch. The other day, we went hunting around the asian food stores for somewhere with sugar cane, because they'd seen it on a vid, and wanted to try it. It's now sat in a grow box (learned about on facebook shorts) setting down roots, and we'll try to grow it. My eldest uses language and maths videos to revise for his exams. He was choosing his youtube videos (he like videos of real-life trains, or educational, youngest always preferred cats or food).

The internet is a fantastic resource - dismissing it all as 'dancing fruit' is the problem here, just as it would be if you sat your kids down in front of TV continuously, if you sit them down in front of Netflix it's going to be an issue - let them choose their interests, join in and talk to them about them (yes, even when they're toddlers) and it's a whole different story.

Just like if you only gave kids books with Spot the Dog and never showed them anything else.

Totally agree. We were on a day out on a tourist train a few months back (30-minute journey) and there were parents shoving Ipads in their kids' faces the minute it rolled out of the station... we were encouraging our kid to look out the window at the scenery and the unusual old-fashioned train carriage... I appreciate they are really useful when other options have been exhausted and we are currently using a lot of telly at the mo as DD currently has chicken pox. But I really object to ipads in restaurants, public transport etc unless there's a specific need.

I like your post. I watch YouTube videos with my daughter of her favourite band because I think music is a brilliant outlet for teens. I can hear her in her room singing I bought her record player and she collects vinyl. At every opportunity we go out to together I will take her on long drives and we listen to music in the car. I think keeping them away from technology in teens is very difficult and better to foster to healthy relationship with it. I know if I was banned as a teen I would have rebelled.

Regardless of what you think, OP, posting on Mumsnet is going to do zero about it. If you feel that passionately then why not start a local intervention and awareness group which has demonstrable information and strategy about the cons of screen times, or write to your local MP, etc, etc, etc.

Do you look at your phone when on public transport by yourself?

If you travel by tube or on the train, over 90% of passengers will be glued to a screen.

Demonising parents won't help us to turn back time unfortunately. This is the world our kids live in.

Yeah I agree, even my mother who is retired is constantly glued to her tablet doing crosswords etc. I have a friend who drives me crazy with their phone can’t do anything because they’re not mentally there. I don’t use socials such as Facebook etc but I do love Vinted and find myself browsing more than I should.

I think you're being very judgey. For all you know that journey could be the only time they're allowed the screens. We have similar aged DC and they do not have tablets or get to play with phones at home but if it makes a journey on a plane (or ferry) easier then I think that's fine. We aim to not use them the whole way and may introduce half way through the journey but you don't know if they had a long car journey to get to the ferry or what else is going on.

Isnt the poster referring to a heritage (steam?) railway? Where the journey is surely the point of the experience. Not a usual commute.

She objects to iPads on public transport. I wonder if that includes iPads for adults as well.

@CrispieCake I actually don’t, I think a three year old on an iPad for eight hours is wrong, can you not see the difference

I agree op it’s sad.