To think parenting with screens is becoming completely normalised

[Minimalistmamaoftwo]

my husband and I were travelling with our two children on a ferry over the weekend. It’s an eight hour journey, our children are 4 and 1. We had brought lots of books/coloring/games and a Tonie (with headphones) as backup if they got really tired.
there were a family next to us about our age with slightly older children, maybe 6 and 3. The children were on their iPads for the entire eight hour journey. The mum read a book, the dad was on his phone with headphones in, they also played cards together while the children sat next to them plugged into headphones. We were absolutely astonished. It just felt like they were just relaxing and doing whatever they wanted and had completely absolved themselves of parenting because the iPads were doing it for them.
Just to note before people respond with the usual points, no suggestion they were ND and the argument that parents need a break can surely not be applied for eight hours whilst completely ignoring their children. I just felt really sad for them and worried for society

I’m really surprised at some of the replies, I was appalled tbh. I cannot imagine thinking I could read a book or play games with my husband while I had such small children. To those asking how we observed for eight hours, we were staying with our prams/belongings etc as were they I imagine so either my husband or myself was always at the table with one or both children. Their children literally got up a few times for the toilet, ate food given to them by their parents whilst still attached to the iPads and that was it. It was just such a wasted opportunity, my children walked through the boat, eldest chatted to staff and watched them doing various jobs, we all ate together, they went in the soft play and we played lots of games together, went up on deck etc. it’s just really lazy, and I am judging tbh. Parenting is really hard, it should be hard if you’re doing it right. I really don’t think it can be reasonable to do your own thing, read books and play games whilst completely ignoring two small children, I don’t understand what possible excuse there could be

My DD uses her iPad for drawing, Duolingo and homework. Unless you were staring at them for the entire 8 hrs (bit weird and disturbing) how do you know what they were doing?

@Stellaris22 if you read my post you will see they were right next to us

In the 1990s we had gameboys. I spent the drive from Calais to Dusseldof on a school trip playing gremlins and Mario Kart. I’m now 43 and qualified to masters level with a good career. Stop being a smug parent because uptight parents are not the best parents. When travelling, anything goes.

How did you manage to go to the soft play and walk around at the same time as staying with your pram and belongings the whole time?

Here….a medal 🥇 for you.

you are clearly a superior parent.

🙄

I completely agree with OP. I'm constantly shocked by kids on phones and tablets, especially those in high chairs/push chairs.

My DD 2 has a bit of cbeebies but has never used a tablet and won't til she starts school.

I don't call it superior, I think it's good parenting to engage your child in the world around them, not try and shut them up.

But I'm old (40+) which probably has an impact

That's how I feel about it too.

I think children/ teenagers need to learn how to interact with humans. Social skills, making eye contact, building relationships, helping them to feel part of the family, giving them critical thinking skills, so many benefits in giving children your attention.

You do not know this family, or others. You have not walked in their shoes or know what things they are dealing with. Using iPads on a ferry does not make the rest of parenting easy. Be proud of your parenting but don't put others parents down at the same time.

It is lazy parenting but does rather depend on your circles. DD’s headteacher says it is blatantly obvious which families allow screens.
We allow some monitored TV but no tablets or devices apart from a Yoto player. We’re not perfect by any means but DD doesn’t own any headphones, consoles or anything like that and won’t be plugged in to anything for hours for as long as possible. She did once look at some CBeebies app content on my phone in A&E but I didn’t like the impact that had so deleted it afterwards.

DD is almost 6. We regularly drive to family in Spain and Germany so no, it’s not necessary for journeys but it requires active parenting instead which is hard work.

Thinking about my last experience on an 8 hour ferry with small dc - 2 out of three alternated between vomiting or sleeping while looking green and another random woman cuddled sleeping dd3 while I helped dd1 hold her sick bag as dh was off exploring with dd2 as they both got the sea legs that the other 2 don’t have. Not sure they had a particularly educational trip of wholesome activities either. iPad would definitely have been preferable 😂🫣🤢

My son is older but gets travel sick, if he walks around and plays then he’s going to be throwing up. If he’s reading/watching something/sleeping he will get through it. So that’s one example. I can’t imagine being ‘appalled’ at someone else’s happy, cared for children this way during travel. They might be amazing parents that decided their kids were going to be highly entertained and stimulated in this trip so they were going to make the ferry as chilled as possible and just get though it. They might parent like that all the time. You have no idea. Maybe their kids will grow up to be less judgemental than yours are likely to. No parent is perfect, that includes those who overuse screens and also those who judge other parents rather than just being happy with their lot. Parenting doesn’t need to be ‘hard all the time’ to be done correctly.

Did you bother trying to engage with these parents? You have no idea what they’ll have been doing on holiday. They could have spent the whole time with no screens and lots of family time activities booked.

it doesn’t matter, the OP is judgemental, she’s already said as much.

There are no parenting awards or I am sure the OP would be sat on the throne with her perfect children

Though if I was a staff member on a busy boat crossing and overworked I’d be a trad irritated by OP and her little darlings trying to talk to me about my job while stopping me from actually doing it.

If you can read it’s clear that one of OP and her husband stayed with their stuff while the other one went off to do something.

I went on a long journey with my toddler recently. We used no screens. They looked out the window, played with toys, did some stickers, we had a bit of a wander about.

Aren’t I a brilliant parent?!

Well; on the way back, they were irritable and tired, had lost interest in the toys we had. So I let them watch TV on my phone for a while. They sat quietly and didn’t disturb others, which felt preferable to their being upset and fractious in a confined space.

Using screens isn’t always a bad thing, or means parents aren’t engaging with their children.

I did a 6 hour train journey recently, and absolutely my DC used his tablet for the majority. Long journeys are not the time to prove how great a parent you are. The important thing is the child arriving happy and rested for whatever you have planned. Incidently, a lot of that time was spent listening to audio books - not as hand knitted as a Tonie, but actually exactly the same.

YABU - great your kids want to colour or play little games not all kids do.Travelling with kids is stressful and the parents know the kids best. Much prefer to arrive somewhere in a good mood then stressed to the eyeballs!

My kids have tablets for Travelling it keeps everyone sane and we are not the nightmare other passengers with kids having a meltdown for long durations! We bring colouring, cars and games so they have the choice and usually want something else.

I can read, thanks. OP claims to have watched them for the entire 8 hours. If she was so concerned she could have offered to have her kids play. But why do that when you can shame people on MN instead?

Either way, watching a family for 8 hours is kind of creepy.

We took our DD abroad for the first time when she was about 2.5. She is not good at sitting still (we tend to walk a lot so also not used to being in the car for long periods) and very grumpy when overtired. As a result, we decided that on the plane and in the airport when we were delayed for 3 hours we would let her binge watch Disney on the iPad (in the knowledge that we then had a 3 hour car journey home). Seemed easiest for her, us and also everyone else! This is not standard for us and we never usually let her watch/use the iPad or phones, we limit tv time, no screens at mealtimes, do lots of activities/crafting/gardening/cooking/reading / exploring the outdoors together. I’m sure if you saw us that one day on the plane you would have been outraged (which is fine by me - I know I’m a good parent). It’s great that you and your kids were able to use that time to have quality time together - you get a gold star. Not sure why you need to be so judgemental of others though.

I will always use a tablet on travel days. They are shitty enough without trying to pack bloody crayons/jigsaws that fall under the seats of an airplane seat or playing I spy looking at miles of uninterrupted ocean. Keeps them calm and means I get to switch off for a couple of hours (it's my holiday too)

Hahaha

So people genuinely think it’s ok for two small children to be on iPads for eight hours while their parents read books/play cards and sit on their phone with headphones in, really? I’m not superior and I’m not a perfect parent but surely people can see this is terrible for children’s development?

I agree with you @Minimalistmamaoftwo . It’s really sad.

It’s not great but really it’s non of your business. My daughter listens to music all the time through Spotify I used to listen to a Walkman for hours a day. You don’t know what they’re doing. Kids do home work on pads now there is not really anyway of getting away from that.