To think parenting with screens is becoming completely normalised

[Minimalistmamaoftwo]

my husband and I were travelling with our two children on a ferry over the weekend. It’s an eight hour journey, our children are 4 and 1. We had brought lots of books/coloring/games and a Tonie (with headphones) as backup if they got really tired.
there were a family next to us about our age with slightly older children, maybe 6 and 3. The children were on their iPads for the entire eight hour journey. The mum read a book, the dad was on his phone with headphones in, they also played cards together while the children sat next to them plugged into headphones. We were absolutely astonished. It just felt like they were just relaxing and doing whatever they wanted and had completely absolved themselves of parenting because the iPads were doing it for them.
Just to note before people respond with the usual points, no suggestion they were ND and the argument that parents need a break can surely not be applied for eight hours whilst completely ignoring their children. I just felt really sad for them and worried for society

I genuinely can't think of a time in my life where I've had the freedom or inclination to completely observe another family for the entirety of 8 hours. If I was with family, friends or my dc there is just no way I could do this. It cannot be normal?

I’m surprised that as a teacher you haven’t come across worse parenting. Have you never had a safeguarding issue with your pupils?

OP must have only been a teacher for a few days because just 5 days ago she posted elsewhere saying she’d been a SAHM for 5 years.

Maybe OP has forgotten how exhausting life can be for those who work and so long ferry rides which inevitably involve long drives are an absolutely appropriate place for everyone to have a bit of downtime.

I agree! Audio books build concentration, while apps/ games/ YouTube do the opposite.

Working in a school it is obvious which families overrely on devices.

OP, I am with you and would have also felt sad for the children spending so long on devices. How grim!

I think on a long travel day rules go out the window.

I personally wouldn’t have Ds on iPad that long, because he can’t sit still 5 mins. So I would colour, iPad, walk, food, toys, soft play, food, games, iPad, food etc on repeat. If they sit quiet and don’t disturb others then you are doing fine imo.

The family who insisted on reading peppa pig books out loud one flight were pretty annoying after an hour..

I agree, wonder if the iPad can knock my daughter a Sunday lunch up.

Busted!

It is not only about being glued to iPads , it is also not using these opportunities to teach children important skills and enjoying their company.
Being on a ferry , presumably they have already had a fair distance in the car when interactions are more difficult than at a table so it won’t be only 8 hours on their iPads.

I have just come back from a walk and saw a mum (I assume) listening to what sounded like a podcast with a young child (about 2 ish) walking behind her. That would have been such a great time to interact with him and help with his speaking and listening skills describing the bluebells, the sounds they hear, etc. An important time in a child’s learning and that opportunity is lost.

This makes me sad.

I can see how that could be the case but it depends what normal is for the family too. Because we don’t have the tv on during the day, we actually don’t watch it every night now either. It used to be the case that every night dh and I would watch tv together and we loved a Netflix series etc. Now, the tv is not really part of our lives in the same way so we don’t reach for it in the normal way we used to. I can’t see us ever going back to using the tv as a regular part of our lives. My husband likes watching sport, if it wasn’t for that we would probably get rid of the tv.

😂.

This reminds me of the mother I once heard teaching and interacting with her younger child in the playground.

"Harry wouldn't give me the pretty fwo-wer, Mummy, and I wanted it lots, so I hitted him with the spade."

"It's "hit", darling, not "hitted". And "very much" is better than lots".

Meanwhile, poor Harry was screaming the playground down.

Most parents are only human and infinitely fallible. Best not to be too sad about the children they are providing inferior parenting to.

Oooo. I have a 16h flight with a 3h layover in a few days with 2 kids under 3 - ALONE! The big one literally could watch Blippy that entire time. Now you've got me wondering if people will judge my parenting there - during the over night flight.. when he won't sleep/be tired yet.

My rules on a long haul flight (especially when I'm on my own!) is 'there are no rules'. Anything to get to the other side with a modicum of sanity in tact. Want 3 chocolate cakes? Go ahead! Want 12h of screen time? Knock yourself out.

Funny because it's a total reverse of my normal parenting style. We have literally no TV/screen time and don't snack/eat UPF, do crafts and all the usual stuff.

Should I be engaging him the whole time? While also keeping the young one BF and quiet/entertained.

Last time when we had a 5h flight, a woman told us off to 'talking too loud' to the kids on the plane.. (we really weren't, but planes are noisy!) when discussing how the plane lands and what happens. So really, it's a no-win situation.

There's only so long a sticker book will last!

I agree with you OP.

Everything in moderation is key, and I would be shocked by kids in their iPad during an 8 hour ferry ride.

I would rather see children up and about exploring and chatting than glued to their iPads as long as they are considerate of others and well behaved.

'Parents' who sit their child in front of an iPad all day and blame it on 'neurodivergence' are lazy, abusive and neglectful and have no business having kids. You're not crazy.

As a teacher, I cannot and will not undo 5 years of zero parenting and psychological iPad dependence, don't expect me to.

My children will never have their own smart phone or iPad. Libraries and satellite TV will suffice.

Anyone here lashing out at you: we both know what sort of 'parent' they are.

Come on, we all know screens should only be as a last resort when out, when they’re absolutely needed etc. otherwise we’re the same as the ‘children should be seen and not heard’ people. I’d say kids would rather be involved ninety percent of the time. And it’s bloody hard but it gives them these precious memories we’re always talking about!! Ps never underestimate the power of I spy and noughts and crosses for older kids, especially in doctor waiting rooms etc!!!

Do you have kids yet?

I don't think anyone is really disputing that prolonged, intensive, screen time is harmful. Obviously there are exceptions when screens are needed (for example, an AAC device).

The problem here is that this family have been judged based on what has happened for 1/3rd of one of their (probably unusual) days. We have no idea what their situation is and what their 'normal' looks like.

Nobody is saying kids should be sat with screens for 8 hours a day and I do not see anyone lashing out?

Children have been raised for millions of years without iPads. I will manage.

😂

The best parents and kids are always the hypothetical ones!

Spend time with your kids, read to them, take them to a park, teach them to sew, paint, craft, etc. You ever wonder why zoomers have a mental health crisis? It's iPads.

Take them to a park and paint on a ferry?

There’s something creepy about being so obsessed with what another family is doing instead of focusing on your own family. Imagine spending 8 hours quietly judging people.

I was a great parent too until I had kids. I had all sorts of lofty ideals.

We sit and observe and judge on here all day.

Anyone who thinks this is fine needs to look at themselves.