To think parenting with screens is becoming completely normalised

[Minimalistmamaoftwo]

my husband and I were travelling with our two children on a ferry over the weekend. It’s an eight hour journey, our children are 4 and 1. We had brought lots of books/coloring/games and a Tonie (with headphones) as backup if they got really tired.
there were a family next to us about our age with slightly older children, maybe 6 and 3. The children were on their iPads for the entire eight hour journey. The mum read a book, the dad was on his phone with headphones in, they also played cards together while the children sat next to them plugged into headphones. We were absolutely astonished. It just felt like they were just relaxing and doing whatever they wanted and had completely absolved themselves of parenting because the iPads were doing it for them.
Just to note before people respond with the usual points, no suggestion they were ND and the argument that parents need a break can surely not be applied for eight hours whilst completely ignoring their children. I just felt really sad for them and worried for society

Meh.

You would have seen my two on iPads on our way back from our last holiday. W spent 2 whole weeks doing literally everything and anything they wanted to do. So yes I had that 4 hours travel time to sit and watch tik tok on my phone and read Reddit while they watched films on the iPad.

Why not!? It's shit parenting.

I was on my etch-a-sketch for a 6 hour journey to Cornwall as a kid once. Obviously why my life went so awry!

All parents are shit sometimes. Aim to meet your children's basic needs, love them, hug them a lot, read to them now and then, take an interest in what they're doing at school, air them regularly and give them access to a range of interesting things to do, and you can largely ignore the little failures.

You may also preserve your mental health and spare your children having a grumpy, irate parent who views them as hard work and is counting down the minutes until bedtime.

I love my children being awake. I'm in no hurry for them to go to bed. Because I haven't turned them into a chore.

We’ll be on a ferry for more than 8 hours this summer. The iPad is definitely coming. We’ll bring books, colouring, games etc but my DD7 (ASC) won’t be able to access the children’s room at peak times as it can get manic in there. The whole ferry will thank us when we put her on the iPad! It will also mean we (family) can relax a bit as we’re also on holiday.

I think most people would say their normal parenting rules are really relaxed during travelling. Whilst you saw them for 8 hours, it was still basically a snapshot of their lives and you don't know enough about their everyday routines to be worried about the children's development.
Thinking about our last trip on the Eurostar to Paris with nearly 5 and 3 year old children - on the way there the kids were wonderful, having great chats, colouring, playing card games....on the way home they were tired and watched their pads the whole time. I guess you would have judged me very differently depending on which journey you saw!

Of course you aren't surprised at the replies. You knew exactly how it would go (snapshot, maybe they're autistic, blah blah) and pre-empted that in the initial post. Why are you being disingenuous?

These particular parents might be using this as a break and they might engage with their kids loads the rest of the time.
But it's clear from the early years at primary school now that too many kids are spending too much time on screens far too young. It really is a concern.

Mumsnet at a whole seems to be very pro-screens. But mention feeding someone a McDonalds and you'd get a whole other set of responses!

Mines 5 and theres no way in hell she wouldn’t be running around looking at stuff, at 3 there was zero chance of her sitting still for 8 hours ipad or no ipad. It is a bit odd that they could sit still for that long tbh. It may either be because it’s a treat they don’t usually get to do or because they are used to sitting still for long periods of time. We usually go with a rucksack full of stuff to do but Dd eventually gets bored and ends up watching films on the inflight entertainment for a few hours. This isn’t the norm but when travelling needs must. I just don’t think observing families on holidays tell you much. We usually drink once a week (2 glasses on a friday night) but on holiday we both have a couple at lunch and dinner. You’d think I was a much heavier drinker than I actually am if you made assumptions based on how I behave on holiday,

I do take your point though, I wouldn’t let DD watch 8 hours of stuff on ipad and would insist we get up for a walk, check out soft play, go eat together and talk during our meal etc.

Brave statement to make on Mumsnet. But quite correct. All the iPad mums are about to report you.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with screens on a long journey to pass the time.

I use one myself. It’s a good way to pass the time.

different people do things differently 😳

enjoy your smug ‘astonishment’

If there is one place i am more than happy to be glued to screens and calm it is on journeys like this which are long and tedious. Not everything needs to be over parented.

You saw a snapshot so it’s hard to judge.

You might want to untwist your knickers before you cause yourself a serious injury 🤣

Crack on. Don't have kids if you're going to leave them on screens!! I've seen the results over 10 years in teaching.

This is such a strange response as I clearly say I am a teacher but I am currently at home with my children in my post. You do realise that you are still a teacher even if you are then a SAHP, that my years of training, qualification and decade of experience don’t cease to exist just because I am currently at home with small children? I suppose I could say ex teacher but that wouldn’t be correct as I plan to go back to teaching when my children are at school. It’s also interesting that you think I’ll be less tired than working parents, like taking care of a one year old and a pre-schooler all day is not often as tiring as working outside of the home. I can assure you having done both they are equally exhausting.
I completely agree with those saying that there is a balance. I would think nothing of a child on that journey watching an iPad for a couple of hours/playing games/ chatting to their family but surely no one can pretend that ignoring your small children for eight hours while you do what you want can be good for their development.
For people asking why I care, we should all care, I have worked with children for years, I like children, I think it’s sad that these two small children were ignored and patented by screens for eight hours while their parents thought only about their own enjoyment. I think it’s terrible for their development. I think even if it is only one day it is surely not ok for a three year old to be on an iPad for 8 hours even if it’s only once

YANBU, but you will get the usual howls of protest about how ‘educational’ screens are, how they’re no different to colouring books and why it’s one of your business despite the fact screen addiction is causing a global MH crisis that we will all be forced to tolerate to some degree.

I feel like food and screens are the only weapons in the parenting arsenal these days, because everything else is seen as ‘abusive’. All I see all day is parents bribing overweight children with yet more food and screens. And it’s no coincidence that the kids wearing ‘Fortnite’ hoodies usually look unhealthy and pallid.

You will, I’ve managed fine. My oldest is 6 and has never been on a tablet, I have no plans to buy a tablet, she will get a dumb phone when she starts secondary and we will install a family computer in a communal area for school work etc.

Absolutely no need for a tablet whatsoever.

@IAMINYOURWALLS I thought exactly the way you do before I had my children and almost five years in they do not have iPads or tablets of any kind. The eldest has 30 minutes of regular tv most days and that’s it, no YouTube etc so there is no reason why you won’t be exactly the parent you plan to be

They weren't parenting - that in my mind is disconnecting and it is neglectful.

@mathanxiety I agree, it felt neglectful. I can’t imagine any other scenario where it would be ok to exchange a handful of sentences over eight hours with two small children and it be acceptable.

So now what used to be considered basic parenting - establishing and maintaining contact with your children, aka conversing with them - is to be called 'over parenting'.

There is no hope for humanity.

The more hysterical types on this thread seem unable to distinguish between inappropriate use of screens on a daily basis and using them to pass the time on a long journey.

Although I agree,it's a snapshot, I see far too many kids constantly on screens for it to be a one off.

I have been to the same pub with friends 3 times over the last 6 months and each time, the same couple are there with their toddler (18m-2yrs). I actually recognised the kids pink ipad cover and then clicked it was the same family (im terrible with faces). Each time, both parents on their phones, ipad parked in front of the kid, with peppa pig playing constantly and no-one speaks or interacts. They stayed until 9.30ish. It makes me feel really uncomfortable for the child. I can't believe those parents are different eating dinner at home.

We stayed with friends this weekend too and their kids were sneaking off to go and play on ipads rather than play with toys or outside.

I have no problem with screen time, but when it's blocking other experiences kids are missing out. We will see the results of how the kids turn out over the next few decades - my own screen addiction children included.

I agree with you.

This is allowed because it’s so normalised.

We do long car journeys a few times a year and I don’t allow my children to get the ipads out for the whole journey. Maybe when we’ve done everything else and/or stuck in traffic.

It’s also absolutely terrible for children’s eyesight to be constantly on handheld devices (according to my optician).

Yesterday I was in B&Q and there was a kid walking round playing a game on a phone!