To think parenting with screens is becoming completely normalised

[Minimalistmamaoftwo]

my husband and I were travelling with our two children on a ferry over the weekend. It’s an eight hour journey, our children are 4 and 1. We had brought lots of books/coloring/games and a Tonie (with headphones) as backup if they got really tired.
there were a family next to us about our age with slightly older children, maybe 6 and 3. The children were on their iPads for the entire eight hour journey. The mum read a book, the dad was on his phone with headphones in, they also played cards together while the children sat next to them plugged into headphones. We were absolutely astonished. It just felt like they were just relaxing and doing whatever they wanted and had completely absolved themselves of parenting because the iPads were doing it for them.
Just to note before people respond with the usual points, no suggestion they were ND and the argument that parents need a break can surely not be applied for eight hours whilst completely ignoring their children. I just felt really sad for them and worried for society

because my husband is playing with our children and this afternoon I will be playing with our children.

it's a fairly new thing for parents to have the time to constantly engage & play with their dd, I'm not convinced it's early for parents or dc.

I’d just be happy they were quiet and not bothering me.

that would be only concern

I couldn’t give a crap how others parent their DC so long as they don’t irritate or annoy me

I see what you're saying, and I agree to some extent... but at the same time, I remember the eight -hour flights I used to take with the DCs when they were young, no DP, no seatback screens (this was years ago), no iPads or tablets, just me and a big bag full of snacks and "amusements". By the end I would stagger off the plane, a useless husk of a human, barely able to mouth the words "yes dear". Would not recommend.

Everyone seems to forget we were all zombies to morning tv, after school tv and Saturday morning cartoons.

@Minimalistmamaoftwo

I think as teachers we can see the impact of all the screen time & children lacking basic general knowledge. We’re definitely not superior parents but have always used things like ferry journeys to talk about things like weather, telling time, working out money, things about country we are visiting. Nothing fancy just basic information.

You’re correct, of course. We are already seeing the results in schools, especially in terms of speech and language.

At one point my parents and their friends were seriously consodering a neighbourhood ban on Grange Hill as they were convinced we would end up as pregnant schoolgirls or just that we would behave terribly !

Off topic, but does anyone remember those TVs on coaches? It was always one of the bloody Beethoven films whenever we went anywhere on a school trip!

Good luck with that when they're in school....it's all iPad this, digital literacy/numeracy that.

I try and rebel and request one of those old fashioned things called paper books for the DC.

I think 8 hours is too much time to be on iPads.

But I think a mix is healthy.

We usually say our kids can have tablets on long distance trains but not on shorter journeys.

I do a regular 2 hour train journey with my kids and I used to do stickers and colouring and all that stuff and I have to say the day I decided to fuck that and read my book while they watch a film on their tablets was a happy day for all of us. We arrive nice and relaxed.

Going on a ferry is a learning experience. Lots to look at and learn about.

Ferries are boring, crossing the channel is not akin to cruising on a yacht through a tropical archipelago. Most of the time the sea blends into the sky & all looks a bit grey!

The thing you seem most upset about is that these parents managed to have a break and enjoy themselves while you were slogging it out with your kids.

Parenting doesn't have to be a hard slog 100% of the time. It's ok occasionally to drop the ball. Any method of public transport feels like an acceptable occasion to do so.

If the parents arrive for their holiday feeling relaxed and ready to go, as opposed to exhausted, harassed and thinking "I'd rather stick nails in my feet than do that again!", is that necessarily such a bad thing, even if a few screens were relied upon in the process?

Maybe these parents did the stickers and all that jazz when their kids were 4 and 1, and they're stickered out now they're 6 and 3 😂.

We’re definitely not superior parents but have always used things like ferry journeys to talk about things like weather, telling time, working out money, things about country we are visiting.

I would have jumped overboard if my parents did this!

And how engaged in your own family/dc can you have actually been that you watched a families lack of interaction for an entire 8 hours?

I know... we deliberately went for a school that wasn't too into all that. I am aware they do use them at school and probably at friends' houses too, and that's ok - they just can't have them at home.

@Minimalistmamaoftwo I totally agree with you. It angers me when you see really young children going round the supermarket for instance in their pushchair glued to a phone or iPad. I just think they’re missing out on so much by not observing the world around them.

I agree. The bottom line is you don’t know anything about their life, we recently dragged our kids to another country for a death in the family. It was horrific and we chose to be lazy parents and give my 3.5yo an iPad the entire way because I physically didn’t have it in me to entertain.

People need to stop being so obsessed with what others do

I think I have a slightly more relaxed approach to screens because my eldest is deaf. We have found YouTube and some apps like ITVplayer really valuable for exposing all of us to BSL as we learn as a family. Screens also have the benefit of being visual whereas the likes of Yoto players and Toni players rely on the child hearing (and honestly, why should my child not be allowed to 'listen' to stories independently because he uses a visual language?).

Probably as a result of being more relaxed because of the specific benefits to my son, we have found that there are some brilliant learning games available on tablets and are happy for our children to access them in moderation.

Clearly being on a screen all day everyday is an issue. But I think some access to well thought out apps and videos is a good thing for children. The odd video just for fun isn't going to kill them either. I think a lot of the handwringing about other people's approach to screen time comes from insecurity and desperately wanting to feel superior.

When I was a child it was watching TV that was going to rot all of our brains. My mum remembers my grandma fretting over getting her a tape deck and even further back in history, reading popular novels was seen as a big issue for young people's development. We've all survived so far.

‘No suggestion they were ND’ - how could you know that by sitting next to them though? It takes qualified professionals several interviews and questionnaires with parents, teaching staff etc to make that decision. Not that my ND child would ever let me ignore them for several hours.

Well I seem to be one of the few agreeing with OP. I was on holiday in a hot country and a family pitched up at the beach restaurant with a little girl, her tablet had to be dropped up against a drink, nearly knocking it over and I wondered why being on a beach and having a treat aren't enough, some awful cartoon has to be watched. Young children are missing out k speaking to people, learning how to be bored and have their own thoughts.

Would you have been as annoyed if the kids was watching the cartoon on the plane?

Ah that’s a shame - maybe we’re really boring 😉 I think they like knowing random facts. We’ve never done any actual school learning in the holidays. But do talk about stuff & make them go to museums.

We can’t afford anything other than a ferry - so a cruise or an aeroplane isn’t something they have experienced (well they went on EasyJet last summer).

We are definitely not anti tech - but I think 8 hours solid is extreme. I think the issue is more obvious to people in education.

People always talk about their toddlers colouring in, mine will do that for about 45 seconds.

On our last longhaul trip (we're expats), toddler DD made a run for it to the front of the plane and then I had to carry her the length of the plane screaming "NOOOOO DAT WAY" as she desperately pointed to first class.

I mean, same girl, but next time, she's getting an iPad. Because you'll get judged either way and I'll take less public humiliation and more screen time.