To think parenting with screens is becoming completely normalised

[Minimalistmamaoftwo]

my husband and I were travelling with our two children on a ferry over the weekend. It’s an eight hour journey, our children are 4 and 1. We had brought lots of books/coloring/games and a Tonie (with headphones) as backup if they got really tired.
there were a family next to us about our age with slightly older children, maybe 6 and 3. The children were on their iPads for the entire eight hour journey. The mum read a book, the dad was on his phone with headphones in, they also played cards together while the children sat next to them plugged into headphones. We were absolutely astonished. It just felt like they were just relaxing and doing whatever they wanted and had completely absolved themselves of parenting because the iPads were doing it for them.
Just to note before people respond with the usual points, no suggestion they were ND and the argument that parents need a break can surely not be applied for eight hours whilst completely ignoring their children. I just felt really sad for them and worried for society

I also think the oh you’re so great have a medal etc is tiring and deflecting. I’m not superior or smug I’m just a very normal mum but I don’t expect a ferry crossing with small children to be a break for me to have leisure time, I expect to engage with and parent my children because I chose to have them

My kids are all under 10 and do sports 3+ times per week, matches/races at weekends, I oversee them making a 3 course meal every week, we spend as much time as possible outside at parks and on bikes, we go to loads of local activities, we play games with them, I do crafts with them, we host play dates. We also both work full time.
When we're on a 5+ hour drive to see family they will be seen exclusively watching movies and playing games on a screen (occasionally an audio book will make an appearance) while I read a book and drink coffee (whilst the husband drives obviously).
Don't be so judgy.

We regularly did a 12 hour journey when our children were younger. Ipads were used A LOT for those journeys to make travelling with our young children as easy as possible. When we reached where we were going, our kids spent most days doing very outdoorsy things, visiting family and friends, seeing the sights etc. When at home, they used iPads for maybe an hour a day.

Obviously it’s not good of children are spending all day every day on screens, but you have no idea if that is the case here.

I'm really pleased your children are able to walk through the boat and chat to staff.

For my DC, with hypermobility issues (and ASD), one of them can't manage 200m without experience pain and discomfort. I'm sure you can imagine how this would also translate to issues with soft play. That's just their lower limbs. Handwriting is incredibly painful - DC is still in KS1 and has a laptop at school for writing. They're academically bright, but physical handwriting and colouring is painful. This isn't visible to you.

Chatting to staff would mean my DC would become effectively silent. They'd avoid eye contact and possibly start whispering or signing to us instead of communicating with that person. They're not non-verbal though, and would have a conversation with us (using varied vocabulary). No-one assumes they're ND.

We have our own games and work arounds, and I wouldn't accept eight hours on tables for my own children - even with their very non-obvious SEN/ND issues. However, I also wouldn't judge another family who were using tablets. Without knowing exactly what they're facing, it's impossible to know WHY they've made those choices. If you've heard of 'spoon theory', it may be that there's some tricky parts coming up at the other parts of their day, and this ferry crossing was the time to retain spoons....

There are families who will always use screen time as a babysitter, but it's not fair to single out an individual family without knowing them.

I couldn’t care less what other people do with their kids as long as they’re not abusing them.

It’s not a new thing. People used to say tv will
give you square eyes. Then we had game boy/game gear/megadrive etc etc etc and how some of the violent games would almost lead to the destruction of society. Some horror films were blamed for children doing awful things.

Basically it’s easy to blame other things when actually it’s a lack of supervision and guidance alongside positive role models and healthy relationships and boundaries that is the real problem.

Also it’s so strange to say this is not a time to prove your parenting or show what a good parent you are. You don’t talk to your children and play with them to show other people you’re a good parent you just do it because you are their parent.

For situations like this, yes. If parents are doing this everyday, obviously no.

Development isn’t going to be impacted by being on an iPad for a long journey.

These are weekly threads,

had completely absolved themselves of parenting because the iPads were doing it for them.

Where can I buy an ipad that parents my dc?!

I cannot imagine thinking I could read a book or play games with my husband while I had such small children.

Really OP? So you're a martyr as well as a perfect parent? Doesn't your enjoyment of a holiday matter too?

FWIW, I broadly agree with you on there being too much screens in parenting these days, but I never judge parents when I see it because as pp have said, it's a snapshot.

I've got three kids, we don't allow screens at all when out and about unless a) as a very last resort ie at a nice restaurant we might put some Bluey on our phones to avoid a meltdown, or b) a travel day. We generally keep an iron grip on screens but have an "in the air there are no rules" rule. But my point is that someone sitting next to us on a flight might think I'm a lazy checked-out mum, when the reality is my kids are only even allowed TV on weekends.

Last summer when we were on a ferry, our older daughter just wanted to run around the boat and look at everything, it was way more fun than flying to her. On the way home she was over it and watched shows on the iPad.

Yes, but long journeys with kids can be hard. Sometimes it’s ok to make things easier and if that’s using screens, it’s not a big deal as long as it’s not every day.

I'll take one too, especially with one battery life for 8 hours!!! Feckin cheap Amazon ones keep dying and they keep trying to talk to me!

I think parents were ignoring their children long before screens, just it didn’t used to be seen as ‘bad parenting’, it was just normal.

The ‘active parenting 100% of the time’ thing is a modern phenomenon and tbh I’m not sure it’s much good for children or parents.

What are your kids doing right now OP whilst you’re on MN?

Some poster have not developed much past that age, though.

This

Completely agree with you.

@pamshortsbrokenbothherlegs not a martyr at all but I would read when they were in bed, these are very small children. @JandamiHash playing outside with my husband, we split our times on Sundays!

Absolutely this. It affects everybody. This generation of screen addicted zombies will be running the country in 30 odd years. God help us all.

I think it is unfair to be so judgemental. You do as you please but I don’t think it’s necessary to be so opinionated about what other people do.

Were you looking at what the children were doing on their iPads for the entire 8 hrs? How do you know they weren’t doing homework, drawing or doing educational things?

What makes you think it’s ok to go on a forum and criticise other parents?

When I got ferries to France as a dc I sat stationary reading books (needed feet off the floor).
I spent enough time with my family on the 15 hour drive to our summer house for 6 weeks!

We are screen free, ages 6 and 4. Well, they're currently glued to cartoons at my parents' house, so obviously aren't screen free. But at home we have no screens, and none when travelling like that. We have a pack of books, colouring books, stickers, card games... gosh don't I sound holier than thou! Sorry :-/

I did give my kids my phone to do colouring on when we were visiting my mum in hospital and they absolutely had to be quiet!

Well, for all the 'inferior' parents, let me add that my kids have had tablets since they were 2 (well, not the oldest, as they didn't quite exist then - but he had access to them from the moment they did), with unlimited screen time (although not unlimited access) - on the understanding that if they're asked to put them down (eg at mealtimes, or if we want to go out) then they do, without a fuss.

They are high achieving academically, have a wide range of interests (often researched on said tablets), we have frequent conversations about current events, historic events, theoretical situations, we build stuff, cook, and play games together - they are lovely, polite children, which anyone who encounters them would say, and they're also completely competent with technology, largely immune to advertising (they don't watch normal TV), resilient regarding failure and supportive of their friends.

All of those things can be achieved many ways, in our case, it came with a big slug of youtube, and it's done no harm at all, especially since we spent a lot of time travelling when they were younger - and there's really only so much colouring anyone wants to do (or can do in a moving car/train/ferry/plane)

but it requires active parenting instead which is hard work

what is this active parenting? i'm an 80s dc & parents were far more lax & less around at all times then.

I agree with this and I think it’s an issue that gets muddled up with anti-screen sentiments. We don’t use screens much and I do think there’s a problem with the way some people use them. Parents today though are probably spending more time with their children, actively parenting them than before. It doesn’t need to be one or the other.