To think parenting with screens is becoming completely normalised

[Minimalistmamaoftwo]

my husband and I were travelling with our two children on a ferry over the weekend. It’s an eight hour journey, our children are 4 and 1. We had brought lots of books/coloring/games and a Tonie (with headphones) as backup if they got really tired.
there were a family next to us about our age with slightly older children, maybe 6 and 3. The children were on their iPads for the entire eight hour journey. The mum read a book, the dad was on his phone with headphones in, they also played cards together while the children sat next to them plugged into headphones. We were absolutely astonished. It just felt like they were just relaxing and doing whatever they wanted and had completely absolved themselves of parenting because the iPads were doing it for them.
Just to note before people respond with the usual points, no suggestion they were ND and the argument that parents need a break can surely not be applied for eight hours whilst completely ignoring their children. I just felt really sad for them and worried for society

Maybe they’d been screen free in the run up to the journey, maybe they’re only on screens for things like ferry journeys. Maybe they’ve had bad experiences in the past with other passengers who aren’t very tolerant of noisy children. Maybe they’ve get travel sick. Maybe they are ND.

So people genuinely think it’s ok for two small children to be on iPads for eight hours while their parents read books/play cards and sit on their phone with headphones in, really?

If the parents read & play cards why do you think they wouldn't encourage this as a family?

If everyday then of course not! For a travel day I don't see the issue if that's what the children chose to do!
If they wanted to go to the softplay then they would have.

but I don’t expect a ferry crossing with small children to be a break for me to have leisure time,

My parents very much treated is as a break because they had a huge drive ahead of them, they often slept!

Yeah, because you're being really shitty by making such a snapshot judgement.

If you saw mine and made that judgement you'd be way off on my parenting skills.

My child has tv once a week at home, never plays on the ipad except to do numbots (which was completed by the December she was in Y2 because we made it part of the daily routine) does spelling and extra homework each week, reads full books akin in size to Roahld Dahl at age 6, often reading for well over an hour in a single session, she bakes, scoots, goes to the park, has excellent social skills and does sports 3-4 times per week. She also never eats.beige food at home.

So yeah, when we're on holidays, we're on holiday, relaxing however we like because normal rules don't apply. I'm sure if you judged us based on our typical week you'd also be criticising us for overscheduling and pushing her.

I'm not a perfect parent, but I doubt you are either. The point of parenting is to raise happy, productive kids and to enjoy it some of the time. It's not an exercise on perfection.

So you’re sitting on your phone instead of playing with your children?

How sad.

@Minimalistmamaoftwo I totally agree with you. A bit of ipad time amongst other activities including chat and conversation is OK but a full 8 hours is just really sad. I'm an infant school teacher and the increased amount of speech and language delays and difficulties in children are I believe are in part directly related to screens. Talk to your children! Have 2 way conversations! Also children find focusing difficult, I believe because screens give short hits of videos, games etc so children get used this and are unable to concentrate for extended periods of time.

Screens in moderation alongside other things are ok but the example you give is obviously excessive in my opinion.

I agree OP. It’s becoming a huge issue in my job as a primary school teacher. My DC are upper primary and have never used a screen outside the house. DD1 is autistic. They have ‘going out’ bags which contain lots of things to do.

No screen can be better what I can do as a parent.

The biggest issue with screens is the displacement of other, more valuable, activities.

The ‘active parenting 100% of the time’ thing is a modern phenomenon and tbh I’m not sure it’s much good for children or parents.

this

@meevee I don’t know, I was really surprised that they didn’t include them in the game. I think there is something very wrong if people think it’s ok for two small children to be on screens for eight hours straight whilst being completely ignored by their parents and I’m surprised this is just a non issue for so many, it’s really sad

I have a 5&7 year old myself and have been on a few holidays with them when younger. It was very, very rare that we got the iPad out to entertain them. We normally take colouring, puzzles etc. I absolutely don’t judge though because I know it can be so hard at times.

I think people used to judge more, whereas it is becoming more normalised now.

I don’t think it helps in the long term. We have friends who couldn’t go out for food the other day because they’d forgotten their phones and the iPads didn’t have any battery. I think that’s when you know you’ve made a mistake.

This generation of screen addicted zombies will be running the country in 30 odd years. God help us all.

What's the excuse for the muppets in power over the last few decades?

@JandamiHash because my husband is playing with our children and this afternoon I will be playing with our children. We are not both ignoring our children while they sit on screens so eight entire hours, but you know this

But during travelling, which is something to just get through, why does it matter? Why does it matter if they are on their screens? They are going on a family holiday, where they will probably have lots of quality time together, so genuinely if they had a less stressful journey as the kids were on the tablets, why do you care?

honestly I just don’t get the issue. Most adults who travel nowadays will pick up their phone etc. it’s just a journey, get it done. Travel is shit with kids.

Good for you, well done for being parents of the year 👏

@Popfan @stargirl1701 thank you, I’m also a teacher although at home with my children at the moment and I think this is why it really struck me, the opportunities for engagement that were just lost and the sheer length of time on the screens with no conversation at all with mum and dad

I agree with you & I am shocked at the sarcastic replies you are getting.

Going on a ferry is a learning experience. Lots to look at and learn about. It’s sad that the majority on here seem to think it’s OK to just not bother interacting with small children.

@Minimalistmamaoftwo I just don't think you can judge one day. And shit parents existed before ipads.

My DC are upper primary and have never used a screen outside the house

My dc have chrome books in school

I mean I try and ensure my kids have a good diet but at parties they have chocolate, sweets etc. If you only saw me parenting at a kids party you’d might think I don’t care what they eat, but the rules are different in some situations.

I'm not a screen free parent by any means, but as a childminder I've found it interesting that over the last say 2-5 years most of the babies who have started with me have 'needed' some kind of screens or apps to get through normal activities.
For example needing to be distracted by dancing fruit on a phone screen during nappy changes, won't eat unless Ms Rachel is on, need to watch something to fall asleep and have a white noise app on to stay asleep, aren't happy in the buggy as watching the world go by is too boring.

I actually think it was easier when I had my own babies 10 or 15 years ago - In the Night Garden might have been part of the bedtime routine but it was just one programme watched on a TV and then it finished.

Didn’t children always get parented by a screen while travelling? I sat on a plane watching the in seat tv for 5 hours straight in the 90s and I’m sure that wasn’t uncommon.

But this isn’t a normal day, it’s a long journey presumably at the beginning or end of a holiday. We have a holiday to Eurocamp this summer, we will be swimming every day, day trips, out and about, eating out, I doubt the iPads will even come out the bags. But on an 8-hour journey on the way back, I don’t give a shit if they want to sit on their tablets and I’ll happily read a book while they watch stuff or play a game if they’re happy. I’m sure they will want to go around the ferry as it’s a novelty but for some kids it might just be something they do all the time.

The only time I get so interested and worked up about other people’s parenting decisions like this is when I feel I need to justify my own in some way. Do you perhaps feel annoyed that you spent 8 hours ‘active parenting’ while they had a break? Did you see them having a nice time just the two of them and feel resentful?

You did one thing, they did another, so what? It’s one journey, you’ve no idea what their normal day is like, what they were on their way or coming back from doing, what kind of kids or family they are.

Well YOU are technically ignoring your children whilst sitting on a screen. I’m not judging is I couldn’t care less what other parents do, but I don’t like a hypocrite. As far as you know that other family could be enjoying quality time with their kids right now, something you aren’t doing.

The biggest issue with screens is the displacement of other, more valuable, activities.

It's ok to have downtime, using a screen doesn't mean you aren't doing other things at other times.

But why do you care or even notice?