AIBU or is DH’s parenting choice here crap

[NoisyHeating]

NC but long time poster. My washing gets ‘darked on’ sometimes. AIBU or was this not great parenting by DH;

DS 13 had been gaming with DH all evening. I am ill so had gone to bed. 11pm I go to loo and DS still up. His bed linen is on the floor. DH in bed.

I ask how come he’s not in bed (should be lights out 10.30) and he says ‘dad won’t put my bed sheets on’.

I ask DH and he’s basically told DS to help put bed linen on (he’s never had to help with this chore before, DH had stripped the bed earlier then not put the fresh linen back on) and DS has said no, he’s too tired. He is is coming down with the same thing as me and it’s exhausting so I imagine he was a bit whiney. So DH had just left him and gone to bed.

So I know a 13 year old is capable of putting bed linen on but AIU to think that insisting on it for the first time at 11pm at night, when he is coming down with a cold, is tired and he’s never had to do it before is a bit daft? And then is it U that he went to bed? Had I not happened to go to the toilet DS might have stayed up all night or fallen asleep on the sofa.

Or was DH right to put the boundary in and leave him to it if he wouldn’t help.

Context is they are both stubborn and DH has a tendency to talk to DS in a pretty Sergeant Major tone which does tend to result in defiance.

In the end I did it with DS together.

AIBU to think that DH’s parenting was a bit off here and could have resulted in a very tired moody teen today? Setting him up to fail again?

Oh and DS and I had just returned from a few days away so DH had plenty of time to get the bed linen done.

DH totally lazy in this instance. Poor kid

If DH wants to teach DS how to put bed linen on this should be done during day time. He should have made DS help out with this before gaming. Sounds like he's immature and just can't be bothered because he knows you will sort it out or he doesn't care whether DS goes to bed at all. Crap parenting. YANBU

What does “darked on” mean?

How hard is it for DH to say “come on let’s do it together, you hold that end…” etc.

Thanks for replying. I think it was stubbornness rather than laziness tbh. He can be a bit reactive when DS doesn’t comply with his instructions.

That’s what I ended up doing.

Dh should have done it earlier but there’s no reason a 13 year old can’t help.

If you leave your washing outside over night, it gets 'darked on'and spiders rub their willies on it! 😆

Yeah, your DH is the unreasonable one. Nothing wrong with teaching a kid how to do their own chores, but late at night and just before bed - leaving them without a bed to sleep in - is not the time to do it.

So didn't refuse to help you? At least it's on!

It was some silly threads about putting washing out over night and somebodies MIL I think had said that your washing gets ‘darked on’. Just using to show I’ve been around for a while. 😊

Because it’s randomly there making no sense I assume it’s an old post that op is using to prove she has been around for ages.

I cannot see the issue. It seems your DH offered to do it with DS and he declined. We are rubbish at getting DC to do chores but they've always helped make their own beds.

Not least as DS had a high bed from age 8 and easier for him to do it.

They have also on occasion slept in unmade beds or on towels, in sleeping bags, under duvets with no covers. Because they haven't done it, haven't helped.

No-one died. Can't be bothered with drama.

Your DH's parenting sounds a lot like my DH's. He'd ask DS once, maybe twice then leave him to it. I'd persist longer but ultimately leave him with unmade bed rather than do it for him.

I’m inbetween.
Yes militant parenting often results in defiance for defiance sake.
However, your DS should be changing his bed at that age and should respect if his dad asks him to do a simple and reasonable chore - DH could have done it in the daytime with him.
Maybe DH was annoyed as DS was not too ill to concentrate on other stuff but too ill to do his sheets.
No sheets isn’t great but as a one off won’t hurt him, but yes ideally sheets should be on

That’s what I think but the votes say otherwise.

Why would ds help you but said no to his dad?

No no reason except he was really tired. So I think not the right time to keep that boundary. He’s never had to help before and he was ill. And DH just leaving it and going to bed really threw me.

I can't get over the fact your 13 year old has never made his own bed to be honest. It's a very normal age appropriate chore.

Also does it really matter if he's tired and moody today?

Because of how I ask I think. I said ‘come on let’s get you to bed’ gently and then gently said ‘you do that bit while I do this bit’ then chatted with him. DH would have been more a command I imagine.

I agree your dh not having the skill set to manage this in the first place and stomping off like a toddler basically leaving you to sort it is crap.

Yes. I agree but it’s just not one we have tackled yet. I agree he needs to do it but it’s the timing and the fact DH then just went to bed that bothers me.

He’s never had to help before and he was ill.
To have reached the age of 13 and never had to ‘help’ make his own bed is not just a parenting fail on your dh’s side! You are right there beside him.
Does your teen do anything in the house?

I think your ds was capable of doing it - you don't really need showing. Sounds like he couldn't be bothered as he probably wanted to keep gaming. He might be a bit tired and moody, but he'll get past that.

Being tired isn’t really an excuse, your DH just asked him to help, not to do it by himself. And really how could he be too ill to help if he was well enough to stay up until 11 gaming? Doesn’t really matter how he was asked to do it either, it needed to be done, he wasn’t being asked to do it by himself, he should have just helped his dad to do it!!