To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

[Kindersurprising]

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

Awful, worked in care, compassion and empathy needed, stories of learning disabilities, ( my preferred choice), did agency work in posh nursing homes, and some home care too, mainly good.
Staff moral often low too, the upset and fear for some home care, very upsetting, no travel time.
Lots just lonely in home care.
Human contact , kind words and the ability to make a difference, robots can’t do, no way

You clearly aren’t reading the same posts as me!

I think older parents will have a positive impact on society due to their parenting techniques and stable support structures. Sadly the downsides of young, usually single mothers are fairly obvious around our estate.

The alternative would be women having children at a younger age when they won't be financially stable, might not have established their careers and need financial help from the government. How is that good for society?

I do think it's positive for society that women are now able to have careers, think very carefully about if they actually want children without as much pressure as it is just something you do and be able to be financially stable before having children if it is something they want.

The positives outweigh any potential negatives.

You really are one of the most unpleasant and biased posters I've ever seen on here

No woman 40+ that I know has children with additional needs. That's a very strong assumption to make.

Most of my friends don't even live in the same country as their parents. Times have changed.

I think eventually very small families with few members of a similar age will result in people seeking more company and support. I don’t think it’s that whacky - some of my friends have agreed if they don’t find life partners by X age, they’ll move in together as they find single life lonely. I don’t meet a Children of God type cult complete with knitting your own yoghurt.

I was born in the first half of the 60s so my great grandparents (on one side) had died 60 and 20 years before I was born. And they were born in the 1860s and 70s. Grandparents on that side had their first child at 27 and 34 and then their first child (my parent) was nearly 30 when they had their first child in the 50s. So the norm in my family for people to have their first around 30 - like me and my sibling. Both early 30s before starting a family.

It is believed millennials are breaking cycles of abuse and childhood trauma and I believe this is why.

I had a very damaging childhood with parents who were too young and not ready.

@Kindersurprising Under normal circumstances, it would probably make more sense for men and women to have children at a younger age.

But there's no alternative nowadays- house prices have skyrocketed because inept politicians have not done their job to ensure enough houses are available (because the government is full of clowns who think that houses are supposed to be investments), and the price of cars has also increased because of greedy manufacturers trying to force consumers into larger-than-necessary cars.

Higher cost of living means that people have to wait to have children, when their finances will allow for it.

Having children isn't an option for me because I am not partnered. But if I was partnered, I still wouldn't have children. It's too expensive today because of the broken economics in this country.

Are you that dense to think that your one experience is evidence for anything?

Earlier inheritance. Maybe that will ease the home buying pressure somewhat?

But life expectancy is 80 something so even if you have a dc at 40, waiting to get on the property ladder till 40 puts you at a disadvantage.

Fewer siblings eventually meaning fewer aunts, cousins and uncles. The family pyramid will shrink and many families will solely consist of grandparents, parents and 1 or 2 children.

This has already happened as family size has been shrinking for years.

I mean for society and the children as they get older, not just the parents. I definitely wouldn’t want to see an emergence of ‘tradwife’ though. I commented on something the other day to this effect and was called a bitter old hag

It is believed millennials are breaking cycles of abuse and childhood trauma and I believe this is why.

Interesting point, an 80s/90s childhood is certainly very different to today.

Indeed, I've seen it discussed on here a lot.

I don’t think Millennials are en masse traumatised by being born to mid 20s parents. Boomers that went to boarding school on the other hand…

I hear you OP. I live in a community where it's common to have your kids really young. One of my son's friends is 15, has a mum of 41, a 24 year old sister who is also a mum, a granny of 60, and great grandma of 80-odd.

In so many ways not ideal, yet having struggled with my own kids completely alone, (primary school ages when I was in my 40s), elderly mother with dementia and my own fecking menopause, I now ENVY that type of family so much!

You hear so many people saying 'well my parents are in their 70s and fit as fiddles', but in my experience, once grandparents are in their 80s things take a very different turn and you can end up in a bleak place, as users of the Elderly Parents board here will testify.

Older people now are generally younger. DM had me when she was 33; I always remember her being old and she died when she was 60. I saw a photo of my GGM when she was my age now (early 50s) and she was an old lady with grey hair and looked like how I remember my Nan from childhood. I am not an old lady. DC were born when I was 29 and 31; not sure whether that makes me an older mum or not, but we’re finally financially secure and can help DC, while still hopefully having 20/30 good years left in us. Age isn’t what it used to be, because we age better.

You can’t win.

Teen mother - Tut tut
Mother in 20’s - but she could have achieved x, y, z.
Mother in 30’s - leaving it a bit late aren’t you?!
Mother 35+ - Tut tut, destroying the traditional extended family, ‘causing’ additional needs
Spinster - ignored

Its fun being a woman

I have no children so fall into neither category but much better an older parent than someone like you, OP, who takes pleasure in trying to make strangers feel guilty about the way their life has played out. Not a great example to be setting your children to indulge in online nastiness. One of the downsides of having children young funnily enough, the lack of maturity issue.

You may have a 'professional job where I can sign people's passports' (nice little side brag there) but this thread and your posts on it reflect poorly on you.

Having grey hair doesn’t mean you’re unhealthier or die earlier?

😂

Exactly.

My parents weren't abusive and tried their best but they were young when they had me and my sister and it was always a struggle financially. I didn't want children for a long time because of it but I eventually realised that things could be very different if I had my own children and I was determined it wouldn't be such a struggle financially which meant not having my first DC until 36.

I'm not het up at all, just saying things you don't want to acknowledge.

If you wanted to genuinely discuss the effects of older parents on society, you'd be up for acknowledging the advantages bestowed upon society by families with older parents of which many have been stated.

You'd also not be spoutingnconstant mistruths, and stating things as facts with no evidence or links to back them up.

And certainly not be accusing anyone who disagrees with you and calls you out on the above of being 'het up'.

Laughable that you come on here pretending you want to discuss a sociological idea in such a one sided and biased way.

I think lifestyle plays a part, not just age. MIL was 23, FIL late 20's when DH born. A poor lifestyle led to MIL being too ill to work or drive by 60 & required full time care. Passed at 70. FIL's now rapidly declining. He's the same age as my DM, but more like my DGM was at 100. They never exercised, ate poorly & didn't look after their health (MIL was extremely obese).

My own parents were DM 31 & DF 35 when I was born (old then!). They're 76 & 83 now & still require no help (except tech!) from me. They eat well, drive, travel & still walk 5km round trip to the shops for coffee & lead full lives. This will change eventually, but the point I'm making is that lifestyle & genetics play a part, not just age.