To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

[Kindersurprising]

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

I had 2 great grandparents until I was mid 30s. My DS was 10 so had 2 great great grandparents.

The positive is kids will inherit at an age which will benefit them rather that when they're old. My parents had me at 23. I became a parent at 32 and 41 then 42.

I did the same thing at 33. Really made sure I was ready in everyway. Learned from their mistakes I guess!

Don't act like this hasn't always happened! I've just had my 3rd at 37. It wasn't planned.. I naturally fell pregnant. Women would regularly be having babies into their 40s if fertile in the past . The age menopause starts has not massively changed over time..
It's absolutely not some modern thing to be having babies in your 30s ffs!!!
What you maybe mean is having your first child then..
But honestly what real difference does that make?
Biggest worry is a dwindling birthrate and an aging population.. not the age women are having babies at but that they are just not choosing to have them at all in the UK!
For what it's worth it had my first at 27 and I felt like a teenage mother. I was the youngest in any group I attended. Only one of my friends had had a baby at that point..
But now I'm 37 not many more of my friends have had babies either!! They've just chosen not to be mothers.

Christ OP.
I had my DC at 32 & 35. They are now 23 & 26. My parents are mid - late 80s and only just starting to need a bit of extra help from me. DH has retired & I expect to retire in a year.
If there are problems ahead I’m not seeing them.

I think if everything else is in place, 30 is a sweet spot as it balances the 2 extremes. You’ve also had a decent number of years being able to do fun spontaneous things.

I had a big gap with my children, for me the experience in my 20s was much, much more positive. I had more energy, more patience, loved playing with them, sleepless nights had very little impact on me. I've found it more challenging having 1 in my late 30s, although my youngest is disabled so that makes parenting a lot more challenging, but the disability may also be a result of me and DH having him older as the risk does increase with parental age.

That’s unkind, no need, unfortunately due to child care costs, and housing it’s harder to have children these days.
It’s relative to the time frame or decades from which folks had their children years ago.

FWIW, I insisted on having amnios during both my pregnancies to rule out any possible ‘complications’ due to being over 35. XH was 13 years older than me and we didn’t think we’d be able to care for a severely disabled adult child into old age. Fortunately both DC are now relatively healthy adults (my DD is epileptic).

I think the people who are shocked about childcare bills will be really shocked when they find out how much care homes cost.

I hear all the time at the outrage of the cost of childcare.. but rarely how that cost is about the same as a care home fees... only child care is about 8 hours a day and care homes are 24/7

My parents were ‘older’ when they had me, I had my children in mid to late 30s and thankfully my parents have been a fantastic help and enjoyed doing so. They’ve kept themselves healthy and fit down the years

People are living longer and are staying healthier so consequence wise it’s not a biggie. Generally
children don’t ’look after’ their elderly these days anyway, they pack them off to the OAP home / outsource the care.

People generally can’t afford to have children young these days. In olden days you might get a council house, these days you get fuck all.

Advantages of older parents are they can often provide a financially stable home and the benefit of their experience. Many older mums are in my experience, educated with a good career so know how to look after themselves and their children well

That must have been really tough for you and I say this gently and just because it’s part of the discussion, but how is old age relevant here? why were they both disabled? Not old age - they weren’t old when you became their carer. I mean people did used to seem older at 60 or even 50 than they do now but even then, most people were not/are not needing care in their 50s or 60s. And even despite your parents’ disabilities, you were 40 when they died so their age didn’t prevent you having time with them.

people get way too worked up about this all anyway. Life is short and muddled. People have ups and downs and do things at different times to other people. Have different experiences and different bodies and health issues and mental health issues and all sorts. There is not a perfect time to have kids. People regularly get sick when they’re young and young people become disabled too. Mental health can be debilitating and twenties are often a very bad time for this even if physically good for having kids.

(for what it’s worth I had older parents too and it’s not been an issue for me. Had other friends with older parents - in fact most of my school friends did.) only One girl got really worried because her mother, who was the younger partner, kept bleating on about how her dad was sooo old. Well the guy is still fit as a fiddle over two decades later and all that worrying was for nothing. On the other hand, a friend of mine who was desperate to have kids young so as to avoid the pitfalls of the ‘geriatric pregnancy’ had them in her 20s and has since been diagnosed with an incurable degenerative condition which impacts all of their lives on an almost daily basis.

and yes there’s the whole ‘it’s more likely they’ll die’ thing. Of course! But I’m not about to start telling a loving mother not to have a kid because she’s over 35 ffs. Let’s focus our attention on worrying about the people who actually harm kids, not just the ones for whom life didn’t pan out to a perfect timescale.

If millions of women were having their first dc in their 40s the OP may have a point but that's not the case

Of course, I’m not saying it’s a given.

I was just saying that realistically they have more time to be grandparents if they’re not workers.

Are you just trying to upset people?

I had my Dd at age 39, after neair

She clearly isn't saying that. But nobody notices okder mums now because they don't look older.

And we are living longer and being healthier. With medical advances everyday, who knows how much better things will be in 40 years.

I was discussing this with a friend who had babies in her 20s (we are now in our 30s).

I think (generally speaking) that people who have children in their 30s/40s have made more of a conscious decision to have a family. I am basing this view on me and my small circle of friends but being older, we have waited until we are more stable financially, emotionally, and have achieved career goals that we have set out to achieve. My friend who had children earlier had almost a "it just happened” attitude. I didn’t want to live month to month, you could maybe say I’m selfish? I like my life and I didn’t want to subject my child to a worse upbringing than I had.

Im not saying either is right or wrong but studies have shown that older parents are generally more likely to view parenting as a “life project”, a decision they made intentionally, with a view to raising their child/ren in the best possible way. We are also seeing couples having the one child (probably linked to the cost of living) where all their focus can be on that one child. I think all of the above will lead to more stable adults being raised.

When my parents had me and my siblings, my grandparents were still young. That meant that my parents had no support because they were still in their prime working years. Me having children later means that my parents can be more involved if they want to be, the same will be the case for my in-laws!

Hopefully, me waiting to have children later means that my investments/ pension from achieving my career goals will take care of me in my old age and they won’t have to lift a finger 🤞🏻

I have a friend who had their child at 40. And their child has also not started their family until almost 40. Consequently my friend's parents never met her children. And although she knows her grandchild, she's not going to be around for much of the DGC's life.

It's kind of the opposite of the extended family. Fewer siblings and limited time with grandparents. Also parents of retirement age with older children that are still dependent.

Also the issue of more birth defects with older families (because contrary to popular belief, older fathers are responsible for birth defects at least as much, if not more, than older mothers).

It's a cultural sea change for sure.

I think if everything else is in place, 30 is a sweet spot as it balances the 2 extremes.

"But the average age of women at first birth today (29.6) is not very different to what it was in 1938 (29.0), and fertility among women in their forties was higher at the start of WWII and during the 1940s than it was in 2010."

And if great grandparents are the concern, despite being the dreaded older mother, my DC had two great grandparents when they were born.

I had young parents and had my own three children between the ages of 26-31. I never knew any of my great-grandparents as my mother only knew one grandfather until she was a teenager and all my parents' other grandparents died either long before my parents were born (my Dad's mother, born in 1909, was an orphan by the time she was four and both her parents were under thirty at the time) or when they were babies. I was lucky enough to have three grandparents live until I was an adult and they knew their great-grandchildren when the children were small. However, this was relatively unusual among my friends. If my own children ever have children, they will be older and my husband and I will also be older. My mother, who is now in her eighties, is my children's only living grandparent. She may or may not live to see grandchildren. These things are circumstantial.

Posted too soon…

I had my dd at age 39, after nearly ten years of fertility struggles. I would have loved to have had her earlier and would have loved to have had more

I honestly don’t know. People are more overweight and sedentary now, more UPFs etc - although that is linked to socioeconomic background and I know older mums are more likely to be from a more comfortable background. Our health years are not increasing.

😂Hilarious

You have problems.

Not engaging anymore, you clearly have issues

Agree to some of your points. But in our case daughter had baby at 37 one and done. I her mother am 67 and help a lot with childcare.Daughter will certainly not be helping an ‘ elderly ‘ parent, whilst having a young child. If I follow my parents, I should only need help in my eighties, by which time dgc will be in her twenties, so not a young child. Tonight child is with me, so parents can have a social life together.
My family had children fairly young. As a result, as I near 70 am still helping my mother and could very easily enter my seventies with my mum still here. At 64 had both parents alive and independent , but perhaps I am unusual. I think there are pros and cons in having children at various ages. There is also the issue of my sandwich generation of boomers having to help with both dgc and mother of 90plus. They do adore each other though and I know my dcc will remember her great gm with love. To my Gc Grandma is not old, Nanny, her great gm is old