To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

[Kindersurprising]

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

My grandparents were still older parents to my own parents as they both had lots of children and my parents were younger ones in their families (I think my grandad was 40 when my dad was born but he was married before also). That grandad lived to 103 and saw plenty of great grandchildren as did my great grandmother who lived to 101. I don't think it is a new thing for that reason. Plenty of people in the 50s having 6 or 7 kids so the last ones were born when they were late 30s or early 40s.

Potentially:

• less familial childcare, as grandparents may be more elderly and less able;
• more younger people being carers to elderly parents
• fewer children born as a result of these points
• more people finding that childcare and elder care responsibilities impact on their career, so may have lower lifetime earnings and pension
• increasing levels in the population of additional needs, including severely life limiting, because of the age of parents and also the increased risks associated with pregnancy and birth.

But I would also argue that the way our society is set up right now means that the trend towards older parenthood is unlikely to change. If you can’t afford your own house or flat until you’re over 30, you aren’t going to be able to consider starting a family, unless we go back to the 1920s levels of home economics with multiple generations sharing a 2-up 2-down terrace, the night shift workers taking the beds as the day workers get up.

People had dc in their 30s years ago, they just started earlier and had more dc.

We already have an ageing population which has economic implications.

It’s a good list and by extension I feel like the consequences will be more immigration (to account for the drop in birth rate and rise of only children), possibly more care homes and disabled people in general, and greater stress on parents as they navigate family life and work with less and less support.

For example I know quite a few couples with disabled DC, who will obviously have to stop caring for them earlier due to their age. So I think another consequence will be more DC needing state care earlier.

Are there statistically more disabled dc?

Got a bit of a downer on what you consider older parents, huh op?

Do you really believe what you stated earlier that on mumsnet the negatives of older parents have never been discussed?

I don't think it's discussed that much from the children's perspective. My mom was 46 having me, dad was 54. I come from a large catholic family mom being 42 and then 46 having the last 2 kids. Both of us youngest have been through a childhood where we had no living grandparents. Where our parents were mistaken for our grandparents ALL the time. Where they were not able to do the things our friends parents were able to do in terms of physical play, and there was a big cultural/ technological/ generational divide between us and them - and between them and the parents of our friends which was really really hard. And extended family as aunties and uncles were also in their 40s or older when we were born and that also had an impact. We love our parents and are very lucky they are still alive now we are in our 40s but neither of us feel it's ok to have kids in your 40s, and we would not do it based on our experience of growing up with parents that age. I have friends having IVF and this year I know people 40, 42 and 43 having babies and I am delighted for them on a personal level but I really feel for those babies and the feelings you have when people ask you if your parents are your grandparents as a kid and everything that goes with it. I would never discuss it in real life with anyone other than that sister.

My grandma's generation of women and before were having babies well into their 40s, until they hit menopause. There was minimal access to birth control. Older parents have always been a thing.

yeah, do people forget contraceptive wasn't always a thing!

I think so, one factor is the improved survival rate for very premature babies, they often have additional needs and may need full time care.

I would have loved to meet the love of my life when I was 22, marry him when I was 24, have my first child when I was 26, and my next child when I was 28, and then live happily ever after with my husband and children, but that did not happen. I am very sorry. I can't turn back time.

Yes but those children had lots of older siblings in most cases so things like elderly care could be shared out.

But children are spread out from
parents often so they can't always physically do elderly care or have more demands on their time, eg retirement age has increased.

The problem with personal anecdotes like this is that there are many other accounts where people had positive experiences of older parents.

Just as there are some who didn't enjoy having younger parents, some who did.

Doesn't make your experience invalid, just limited in it's use as an indicator of what having older parents are like.

I agree entirely. We're a selfish generation or two. It's all 'me me me and my career' and travel. And there's so much over planning and over thought into every minutiae of planning a family. It's utter overkill. Stable relationship -essential. Own home - pretty much essential. Good enough salary in a secure job -essential.

I blame the parents!

Thing is though who cares, nothing can be done. We cant encourage talented individuals to not bother having careers just so they can pump out kids to be raised by barely grown adults.
People being carers for elderly relatives is a choice somewhat but I'd never expect a child to do that for me, frankly anyone who does has no business being a parent. This is inevitable due to increasing elderly population, me having 6 kids by my 30s is not going to relieve pressure on myself, family or the state.
The vast majority of young people could not afford to support a family and household on the wages they make in their 20s so what are we encouraging people to give up work now too?

I’m not really talking about parents experiences though, as there are few downsides there - really I’m talking about the impact on wider society in 30/40 years.

So a very limited experience then in terms of what you were implying?

It’s a good list and by extension I feel like the consequences will be more immigration (to account for the drop in birth rate and rise of only children)

We need this anyway, we already have more over 65s than under 15s...

I don’t know, OP, but it’s not the first time I’ve seen a younger parent raise ‘concern’ about older parents on mumsnet. It’s weird- reminds me of all the SAHM threads where they worry working mums look down on them. You do you. I had mine at 35 and 37 and don’t really relate to your concern.

My mum is 71 and all her life she complained about having an older mother. She was 42 when she had her. She said she felt embarrassed as all the other parents were a lot younger. She was also an only child due to age her mother got married and had her. So it’s not a new thing, though yes is more common now to have older parents. My brother & SIL had their son at 42 and 47. It wasn’t my brother’s first child but siblings are 20 plus years older. Won’t be anymore siblings as SIL is 45 now.

We had our first baby at 26 and I will be 37 when I have my last baby this year.
Ive never actually given my age much thought. We have no help from family at all as our parents are all in their late 50’s and still working, and my mum started her family a lot younger than I did.
I probably had a lot more energy with my younger pregnancies but then I’m better set up now in terms of work, our house, finances etc. I work a lot less hours than I did with my older kids.

@AlertCat google seems inconclusive, more premature babies surviving but far more screening hence why a lot less dc being born with down's syndrome.

Earlier inheritance and increased security for retirement and grandchildren though

Do you think there are any advantages to society from having some older parents in the mix, op?

I knew 3 of mine, and my DC knew 3 of theirs! My parents are of an age/state of health that if my oldest (early 20s) has DC in the next 10 years, they'll probably still be around.

I’m talking about the impact on wider society in 30/40 years.

The impact of an aging population is already on us though?