To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

[Kindersurprising]

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

I also think inheritance will happen earlier, which I suppose could be a positive and offset some of the economic issues

more of that will get eaten up by care costs

I am a bit concerned, but then I’m also concerned about the ageing population and the mental health crisis. But I feel this one isn’t discussed on here, probably because it’s quite a middle class website and most of the mums are a bit older,

It's CONSTANTLY discussed on here. I say that as a child free woman so I have no absolutely no horse in the race. Threads expressing faux 'concern' over the supposed explosion in older mothering are a perennial feature of this forum.

Surely the selfish attitude would be "I have no means of funding this endeavor.... Fuck it I'll do it anyway and someone else will pick up the tab."

The idea that people feel so pressured by the financial constraints of society that they're not having kids until they can take care of them properly makes them selfish is baffling to me.

You’re not wrong OP, I’ve thought this for a while.

Seems like a slightly idealistic attitude. My mum was 39 when she had me, her only child (she is now 74) and I never thought once about having an "older" parent. What about those that don't meet their partner (like my wife and I) until they are over 30? Also some people have fertility issues and pregnancy losses, so it's not possible for them to have kids any younger. Everyone has opinions about when people should be having families but often, has no idea of what some people are up against.

You're missing a key advantage of older parents, op.

Older parents put less pressure on the planet's resources, and it is therefore this is helpful for both over population and climate change. This is because people who have children older have generations that are more spread out, so families with older children are collectively using fewer of the planet's resources.

I had my first at 23 and looking back I was too young. I was selfish at times, e.g. lie in and my mum did some school drop offs. Looking back now I just want to shake myself and wish I had done more with dd. 30s is a much better age to hve children

The idea that people feel so pressured by the financial constraints of society that they're not having kids until they can take care of them properly makes them selfish is baffling to me
the message has been drummed in about don't have dc if you can't afford them &
people have listened

It's all those things I am sure. But there's also an insinuation or implied statement in some of the posts on here that it's just infra dig in certain social circles to have babies before your mid thirties. So if you are part of the upper middle classes (or, more likely, aspiring upper middle ) then it's also a social pressure /wish to fit in that is at play (consciously or otherwise)

I find that fascinating.

But then my family are upper middle class eccentrics so I was raised to think it was tremendously dull to fit in (excruciatingly embarrassing as a teen, wonderfully liberating as an adult)

These people do not exist. No one is waiting until their 40s to start a family because they were savings millions first. No one.

I think you are saying that you aren’t jealous or have an issue with women who started families a bit older than you because of your professional standing? It’s the first I’ve heard a mumsnet boast about fitting a category of witnessing a passport! My friends and I all have those types of credentials so it is a funny boast to me. But it doesn’t really explain the motive of a thread which seems to pit one category of parent against another. I find it weird, almost like a competition needs to be started about the ‘right’ type of parent, but it’s not unusual to see on here.

I hadn’t even considered the care aspect financially. You’re v right in that few people have proper provision for their old age so will be more likely to rely on their relatives.

I also think middle class parents are more likely to live further away from their parents due to travel, moving for jobs/university, so the care they will be able to provide will be even less.

Maybe if people could afford a home in their 20’s then they would consider having kids then. It’s natural for people to not want to struggle.

Older parents put less pressure on the planet's resources, and it is therefore this is helpful for both over population and climate change. This is because people who have children older have generations that are more spread out, so families with older children are collectively using fewer of the planet's resources.

But what about all the people who don't have dc?

Why not just contribute to the thread properly, or click off it?

From personal experience of having children from my teens to my mid forties! I would say there have been pros and cons to each age to have children, my older children benefited from much more involvement from their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and even knew their great grandparents plus family friends. Where as it’s much more just been us and their friends from school etc with our younger ones. It’s kind of sad in a way our children very rarely get to experience the family gatherings/weekends together that we often had when my older children were young. I’ll hopefully still be around for a while for them (although not able to help out much as such with the grandchildren as so busy with work and my younger children) Our younger children I feel have benefited from a more comfortable and stable life than the older ones did and in our case have lots of siblings! Also us having more life/parenting experience.

These people do not exist. No one is waiting until their 40s to start a family because they were savings millions first. No one.

No they are trying to get housing security first which can take years.

I would love to hear more about your family!

I'm surprised that the consensus seems to be older parents meaning less help with childcare. Both mine and my DH's parents had us in their early twenties. This means that despite us waiting until our 30's to have children, they all still work full time. I've always been a bit jealous of friends with older parents because they are retired and have much more spare time to dedicate to their grandchildren.

@Kindersurprising I think I am contributing

But it doesn’t really explain the motive of a thread which seems to pit one category of parent against another. I find it weird, almost like a competition needs to be started about the ‘right’ type of parent, but it’s not unusual to see on here.

Agree, the OP is being somewhat disingenuous.

My grandad became a dad in his forties to six children he lived to 80+. My mum his daughter says she doesn’t agree with older parents. But she saw her mum constantly looking after children and then looking after him due to ill health when she wasn’t old herself, but a large age gap in their relationship.

I fully expected accusations of disingenuity as this is a sensitive topic, and they always attract such accusations

If I’d married and procreated with the men I met in my twenties while I was travelling the world I can guarantee the union would not have lasted. Married at 33. Had DS at 34. One and done and very happy. Both DH and I are very active now late 40s with hobbies from long distance running to weight lifting and jiu jitsu. Hopefully we’ll stay healthy as long as possible but when the shit hits the fan I’ll be off to Switzerland. I do not want to be a burden on anyone.
DS will inherit well.

I also read somewhere that female cancers (breast, womb etc) are rising due to the increase in oestrogen in women who haven’t experienced a pregnancy by 40, or have less pregnancies.