To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

[Kindersurprising]

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

OP, you are a younger parent than the category of parents you express concern about. This is in your original post. It’s not a very sensitive complaint to raise on a parenting forum, although mumsnetters are pretty tough. But it strikes me as inventing an issue that doesn’t exist which seems to paint one group as preferable to another. Or is there an older parent in your life that you feel jealous of or intimidated somehow? I think it’s odd.

I met the love of my life at 21! We married at 22. I am pregnant with first (and last) child at 32 mostly due to infertility.

No guarantees lol. In fact my contribution to the birth rate is the same as a woman who met love of her life at 39 and had baby at 41.

By the time the 35 years olds having babies today are in their 70s+, AI will well and truly be a normal part of life. We will all have personal robot assistants to help with everything.

And the few countries with high birth rates are poor, the dc there will have tiny carbon footprints compared to an adult in the west. Population growth has been caused by people living longer which many seem to struggle to get their head around...

Had children 31 and 34.

My DC has 2 great grandparents on paternal side. Both still rocking around in good health. And all 4 Grandparents.

I had only ever had 2 grandparents growing up; one of who passed when I was 7. So then only a nan. No great GPs.

It didn’t do me any harm not to have them. And I wasn’t that close with my grandfather who passed. Although sad about that wasn’t hugely affected as only saw each other a couple of times a year.

I do think it’s going to worse for my children when the grandparents pass. They are much closer and that will affect them deeply 😓

We are all going to live longer and more youthful lives- hopefully. Women who have their last child after 40 are 4 times more likely to live to 100.

healthy life expectancy hasn't increased in years though

Ah sorry, I read too quickly!

I’m one of 6, the age difference between the oldest and youngest is 17 years. We are from 2 marriages. One parent was classed as an older parent from the birth of the first one. When it got to the last two they were the age when most started to become Grandparents (46 and 48). One of those children does have a disability, not severe and has lead a relatively normal life not needing care.

The one difference we have all discussed as siblings is the amount of patience the older parent had for us. They’d lived most of their life before us, they had more life experience etc. We didn’t have grandparents from either parent so the age made no difference for us. However our children now don’t have a grandparent from our side but do from their other sides so I guess already that shows a difference. Despite a positive outcome for us, we all had our own children before 30. I think mainly because it was really hard for us to lose a parent at quite young ages. We know life isn’t guaranteed to anyone but attempting to have longer with our children seemed right. I do feel for a lot of children born to parents 40+ that they are more likely to lose parents much younger than previous generations. For example my ex mil at 70 still has both her parents. I think that will be the biggest impact on those generations.

That must be pretty unusual though.

One of my great grandparents died in 1904, before his last child was born. And his wife died during WW2.

This is something I think about quite a lot. My mother was 40 years older than me, and tragically died of breast cancer that returned in her mid 60s and my mid 20s. It was her cancer that delayed her starting a family originally, not choice. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could have had more time with her, and that she could have known her granddaughter.

I have always wanted to be a mother. I was fortunately in a position where I’d been with my husband since we were teens, and had financial means to support ourselves and a family via my mother’s inheritance. We started trying to have a baby at 26, started IVF at 27 and successfully conceived at 27. We are lucky to have 8 embryos frozen.

Now that I’ve had a child I know how consuming it is and how much attention one child requires we’ve decided to space our children out several years, but ideally would have 4 children with about 4 years between each child.

For us it’s the frozen embryos that we feel enable that choice - I may have a final pregnancy in my late 30s, using an embryo that is 27 and much less likely to result in some of the risks that are associated with later in life pregnancies (we actually have had genetic testing so have ruled out certain risks, although of course tests are not available for everything that can go “wrong” in life).

And nothing changes the reality that whilst we all hope to live into our 90s in great health, it’s always a possibility that we die much earlier. I don’t smoke, I wear sunscreen, I don’t drink alcohol, I breastfeed and have regular breast checks, I try to eat healthily to reduce whatever risks I can in life but my mother did all the “right” things and died too young anyway. You just never know in life.

I think the more interesting question is why so many women have children older now- fertility issues (and poor access to help at an early stage combined with terrible access to the right help), financial instability, cost of housing a family, reluctance amongst men to commit, risk of career harm due to sexism and inequality, simply bad luck, etc.

No, all my mum friends are up to a maximum of 4/5 years older than me. We’re all in professional jobs (as in, the sort of job where you’re eligible to sign somebody’s passport form 😜)

I am a bit concerned, but then I’m also concerned about the ageing population and the mental health crisis. But I feel this one isn’t discussed on here, probably because it’s quite a middle class website and most of the mums are a bit older, and secondly because we don’t tend to think of consequences in terms of anything other than whether the parents are pleased with their decision. Whereas I can see some quite big societal impacts coming up and everyone will say ‘why did nobody see that coming and prepare for it?’.

I mean, a lot of people my generation had had children later because multiple financial crashes and other macro-economic factors meant we were not in stable jobs/ with stable finances until our early 30s.

Also, whilst I'd love a big family, we cannot afford more than 2 kids.

It's not about being selfish. It's factors outside our control have meant housing/ jobs were less stable than our parents generation.

@Summer2025 I meant DH at 19 but had things to do so baby wasn't coming until 31.

We will all have personal robot assistants to help with everything.

Who will find this though?

fund

Yes I think you’ll always find some people who are a bit snotty towards what they didn’t do.

”I had mine early, I couldn’t bear to be an older parent, who would do that to a child?? It’s such a burden to have older parents”
”I had mine later, I wanted to be settled into my career and have the finances to give my child a better childhood than if I’d been younger, plus I got to enjoy my twenties!”

@ThePiglet no worries

Well teenage pregnancy is discussed a fair bit on here, but older parenting only in terms of the positives of more money etc

You're joking! I never see a thread or posts about teen parents but every week there's a thread accusing parents of being selfish shits for having a child aged 40+

I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon

This isn't exactly the stuff of Shakespearean tragedy though, is it? And I'm doubtful whether it was EVER common to have living great grandparents, given mortality and live expectancy rates for our forefathers.

My parents had me in their mid 30s and my sibling in their early 30s in the 1970s. They were perhaps later than in starting their family than many of their generation but it was my sibling who died in childhood, not either of them. My mum lived to her 70s and my father is still going in his mid 80s.

I think, as others have said, the only thing that has changed is the age people START having children - having kids into one's 30s and 40s has always been the norm.

There’s a couple going at the moment. Can’t see any others about older parenting?

I also think inheritance will happen earlier, which I suppose could be a positive and offset some of the economic issues

I am that person you envision in the future. Mum had me age 38, dad was 42. Only child due to many losses. i also had my DD age 38 but was lucky enough to have DS age 42. Now I am 50 with a 12 yr old and 7 yr old and I look after my 88 yr old mum. Dad died a while back. I am what is referred to as a sandwich carer and you are absolutely right when you say there will be more of me in the future.

I actually think it will be worse than I have it as my mum does have carers 4x daily ( she has dementia) I help in between that. She part funds that but part is paid for by social services. How long will that continue for? Many many people my age, I woukd say most do not have plans/ security for the future, partly as people often don’t think about it but also with the cost of living now most people are struggling with even a basic amount of savings let along planning future care!

The writing is on the wall with this and has been for a long time. The impact on society could potentially be huge!

Whereas I can see some quite big societal impacts coming up and everyone will say ‘why did nobody see that coming and prepare for it?’

The falling birth rates, ageing population & the subsequent costs have been a thing for years but most of the public aren't interested or prefer to blame the boat people.

I mean many schools in London are up the creek due to falling rolls and the funding model.

One thing I'm not seeing ever being discussed when we talk about falling birth rates and how they're going to affect the population is that the 1.2 (or whatever) kids per woman are going to be born a lot later in that woman's life, so where we had 3 generations we will now have 2 generations, and what impact that will have on society, care, and how it will accelerate depopulation. I already see it with mine vs DH's families, his parents met later in life and had him much older than my parents had me, or my grandparents had them, so his parents are 3 years younger than my grandparents.