To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

[Kindersurprising]

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

Teenage pregnancy is dropping like a stone, though. It declined by something like 68% between 2007 and 2021. And everyone recognises that it’s a disaster, that it’s associated with far poorer outcomes for both parent and child, in terms of poverty, MH, educational attainment etc. Older parenting is indubitably better all round. Fewer children will know their grandparents, but set that against the significant health and social problems of babies born to teenage mothers.

I’m not a younger parent. And I only have 2 DC, can’t have any more. So I’m far from some kind of hyperfertile tradwife.

There will be an impact on society from the rise in older first time parents. That isn’t at all a value judgement of individuals, we live in the constraints of the world around us (everything costs so much money). But in the same way we look ahead to the impact of a population living longer, I think we need to look ahead to this.

Sure but we don't see much discussion of what it's like from a child's point of view, and I think that's very important. We see a lot of discussion of women in their 40s who for a myriad of reasons and circumstances faces a decision now on having a baby and the effect on her life - but not a lot of personal anecdotes from kids who have been there with parents that age. And I'm incredibly lucky - we've been spared some caring duties because we can afford to pay for assistance and they've stayed in relatively good health until the past 15 years - and life expectancy is increasing all the time. But my mother cried real sincere tears the day of my university graduation as she didn't believe she would live to see that - just by virtue of her age (nothing to do with health). I think we should take personal anecdotes into account as that is real lived experience and it helps to form an understanding of a perspective many people have not experienced

Potentially:

More nuclear families, older parents who got together later are more likely to stay together for the duration of childhood and potentially adulthood

Higher education levels, wealthier families are more likely to enter higher education

More support for children in vulnerable teenage years, older parents tend to have more flexibility in their roles to enable being home more and give more emotional support

More socialising, parents of only children are keen to foster friendships and more likely to enrol their children in local sports, music, activity clubs

Less burden on the state, older parents are generally wealthier, and therefore will potentially claim fewer benefits

Creating strong role models for women and showing men how normal it is for women to have successful careers as more older mothers are likely to work full time and have a higher income

We can all list potential outcomes of a slight shift to older parents, but I think in general, there won’t be any noticeable difference. Instead of being pessimistic about a possible future you have no control over or certainty of the outcome, it’s surely better to look at the positives of any situation and view the next generation with hope.

The issue isn't parents having dc in their 40s, it's the fact people are having less dc and more are choosing to not having any.

You do realise that "own home" has become out of reach for many under 35s don't you?

I think in terms of grandparents it works out better? They’ll be in early retirement at least so they’ll have way more free time to help.

And there's so much over planning and over thought into every minutiae of planning a family. It's utter overkill

I don't think it is. Having a child is massive. It should be carefully considered. We have contraception these days, we don't just breed like rabbits (though apparently they need to at the moment as they are being attacked by a new disease).

I don't agree that having kids in your 30s is old though. Over 40 is old(er).

My great-grandmother died two months before I was born. All my cousins overlapped with her lifetime, but I was the youngest (until my uncle remarried and had another two kids).

I think people think being an only child is really bad and is not that big of a deal in my opinion.

Im an only child too, and I don’t know any different, so it’s no big deal to me.

Maybe they'd prefer to go travelling and enjoy their early retirement while they still have their health,

The one thing we can be sure of is ever increasing taxes!

I don’t think we’ve really seen the results yet. I’m in my 30s and when I was born it was normal for first time parents to be about 25. We’re far from seeing a long term effect.

I will be a few months shy of 33 when ds is born. Dh had his vasectomy even though I could pop another one out biologically even if I struggled with fertility (unprotected sex for 9 years but only 1 pregnancy).

But it really helps dh's mental health to know for sure we are one and done. People in the supermarket have more interest in my baby than their grandparents on both sides (my mil wanted me to give birth in another country so i could attend her daughter's wedding and the poor girl doesn't even have the funds for a wedding yet hence why she is still engaged), it's truly just the 3 of us against the world. I can't change our parents, I can only make my own decisions that hopefully ensure we can cope.

@ThePiglet I was being facetious but was blaming the parents of this so called selfish generation. The young have been completely stitched up by the distorted housing market.

As the world is overpopulated I'd say the fewer kids we have the better. And yes I know we need people to wipe the elderly's bottoms but you can't trash the climate (even more) for that reason.

Op talks about having children at 30. That's hardly a "barely grown adult" . Or it shouldn't be.
I had mine at 28 and 30.

I had travelled widely, lived in various UK cities, had two degrees and a post grad qualification and was well established in my career by then.

It's just baffling reading people on here imply that a 30 year old is barely out of infancy.

We are all going to live longer and more youthful lives- hopefully. Women who have their last child after 40 are 4 times more likely to live to 100.

I had my kids recently at 33 and 36. My grandmother had her kids in the 50s/60s at 30 and 34 so not a million miles different and she lived until 96 and was very hands on with all her grandchildren

Having children in your 40s isn't actually that common. Most babies are born to mothers 25-35.

I do think it’s a factor, my parents were late thirties and now have hit ill health at the point my kid is in primary school. Sandwich generation and it’s brutal. My DH is the youngest of three and he says it’s noticeable how much less energetic his parents were when we had kids than his older sibling. I feel there is so much demographic shift about to happen though that this is only going to be one element of a myriad of problems.

Yes, but proportionately more children are born to older parents now, in part because far fewer people are having kids in their 20s or teens. My Grandmother had hers in her 20s 30s and 40s. Two of her grandchildren have had children so far - one in his 30s, the other at 40.

I don’t think we’ve really seen the results yet. I’m in my 30s and when I was born it was normal for first time parents to be about 25.

@Kindersurprising when were you born?!

"When fertility was high and an average woman hadbetween four and six children, even if she had herfirst birth in her mid-20s, her youngest child would have been born in her late 30s or even her early 40s, and this meant that the average age of childbirth was necessarily high. It is likely that theaverage age at which mothers had their children was in their 30s as far back as the 16th century, or even earlier."

There probably are, just due to survival rates from premature birth and other disabilities that would previously have been life threatening.

But actually I don’t think that was the point the poster was making. I think she was saying that a parent who has a disabled child when they’re 25 can care for that child longer than if they’re 45 when the child is born. Therefore leading to more need for state care. I’ve no idea whether that’s a significant issue, that’s just what I think the point was, rather than higher rates of disability.

OP - there are large segments of society where very few people have kids before their thirties, and most in their mid to late thirties, and this has been the case for decades. None of this is particularly new.

In my social circle (I’m talking professional, reasonably high earning families in the South East) you would absolutely be considered a young parent having had a child in your twenties, and your second at only 30. Living in an expensive area, most people I know needed to wait until their mid-thirties to be able to afford to raise children the way we wanted.

A significant number of people just don't meet the right partner until later. I think that the current societal norm is for women to be happy with their choice as opposed to marrying the first person they ever dated. To me that is a good thing.

You're comparing older parenting with teenage parenting though

Whereas a better conversation would be to compare the merits of starting a family aged 25-35 with starting one much later.

It's a fact,.whether we like it or not,.that there are a host of developmental and other health risks for children of who are much older when they start their family

I also know a few older parents of my son's peer group who just seem to have totally wound down and don't do anything with their teenagers. It's like they just have no energy for parenting them or enjoying being their parents

As the world is overpopulated I'd say the fewer kids we have the better. And yes I know we need people to wipe the elderly's bottoms but you can't trash the climate (even more) for that reason.

Why would fewer dc be better? From a financial perspective younger societies are more secure and progressive.