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Original poster

To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

541 replies

Kindersurprising · 26/04/2025 21:22

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

OP posts:
PersonalBest · 27/04/2025 00:43

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:38

I'm so sorry... Someone has a similar name to me 😆

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No worries

Frozenpeace · 27/04/2025 00:44

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:43

But i've been responding to the posters upthread claiming it's the professional elites having babies late. As if it's just lesser, socially and intellectually inferior parents having babies in their late twenties /early thirties and almost implying we are somehow delinquent.

Nobody has said people having dc in their early 30s are delinquents! Do you have any female friends that are dentists, surgeons, lawyers, etc? those jobs can be demanding and all consuming with years of training & working hard. Often women need to get to a certain stage so they can have dc

I am in one of those professions Grin

Intranslation · 27/04/2025 00:44

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:38

When the hell did I say I was 20?

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If anyone is young in year it's quite easy to be 20 in last year of uni. I was that age group. However, there was zero chance of property ladder participation pre early 90s property slump in my generation

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:45

Yes but it's perfectly achievable if you are earning very well and you don't go out spending everything you earn.

well if you are saying it's true, it must be 🤷🏻‍♀️

User46576 · 27/04/2025 00:46

exactly. I suppose it different with something less competitive eg school teaching. But no one in my career is “sorted” by 30.

tbf if you are in a position to have kids in your 20s and have the maturity to do so, that’s all good. But that’s fairly rare these days due to the cost of housing. Also if you don’t feel mature enough (as I didn’t) you should wait. And no one is really mature enough to have kids in their teens imo - it happens and you have to make the best of it but it’s not desirable

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:46

@Frozenpeace share how you did it then so I can tell my friends and family where they have gone wrong?

Macarena1980 · 27/04/2025 00:46

People are living longer in better health in their old age. I had my 2 at 38 and 40. My parents turned 70 when my first was born, my mum was considered an old mum in her day at 32. My mum and dad have both been very helpful to me, I wouldn’t say I’m at the caring stage for them, we help each other out. Most of my friends of similar age have their kids around same time with grandparents in 70’s who help our. If my children have babies in their 30’s, I imagine I’ll be in my 70’s too. Think it’s all going fine, don’t worry about it!

AthWat · 27/04/2025 00:47

I was born in 1969 and I not only never met my great grand parents, I have almost no knowledge of who or what they are or were. I only ever met two of my grandparents.

Intranslation · 27/04/2025 00:48

Frozenpeace · 27/04/2025 00:44

I am in one of those professions Grin

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The question is more 'why wouldn't you?' Why train for years for something and then have a baby instead of a promotion? Well, do if you want to but don't critique those of us who took a different path

Meadowfinch · 27/04/2025 00:49

SquashedMallow · 27/04/2025 00:26

Once again. : such an assumption that birthing children in your 20s equals poor , uneducated, no financial security.

Once again : married, home owner , career (progression came later) completed aged 27. I'm sick of this assumption that only the "proper" "worthy" people have children in their 30s+. Such a misconception

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@SquashedMallow I didn't make any assumptions or comments about parents in their twenties, poor, Ill educated or otherwise.

I simply said that for me personally, given my background, it was very important to feel completely secure in terms of financial and career security. I took time to do that, and have raised a happy, kind, decent, healthy, well educated DS in comfortable circumstances, and am happy with that achievement.

The timing anyone chooses to raise their family is completely down to their choices and preferences. It is not for me or you to tell them what they should do.

User46576 · 27/04/2025 00:50

Smallsalt · 27/04/2025 00:22

All the old parents should be taken out and shot. Or jailed at the very least. How dare they destroy society in this way. Evil bastards.

And let's their neurotypical non disabled perfectly well adjusted off spring staigh into care or at least hand them over to some young parents who will sort out this terrible societal catastroph.

Edited

Yip - some 15 year olds should be able to parent them better. And do their education at the same time. Cos we all know how good 15 year olds are at multitasking

Imonlyhappywhenitrains · 27/04/2025 00:50

SquashedSquid · 27/04/2025 00:11

I feel really strongly about this.

DH is the product of older parents. They were both dead by the time he was 13, and he is massively fucked up because of it. As a result, he has absolutely nobody in life now to turn to, as all parent siblings are also dead. Seeing someone all alone is heartbreaking, and his care experiences are horrific.

Then there's the higher chance of having a neurodiverse or disabled child the older you get. If you don't think this is an issue in society, go and volunteer in a mainstream classroom for a week. I say this as a disabled person. What happens when the HUGE percentage of these children need looking after when they're no longer in school and no longer have parents?

Lastly, and this may be coincidental, but in all the schools I've ever taught in, the non-disabled children who usually cause the most issues are the children from older parents. The younger parents generally seem to have good boundaries, want their children to do well, and have high standards of behaviour, whereas the children of older parents tend to be feral, entitled, and the parents seem almost scared of them.

If I hadn't had a child by the time I was 25, I wouldn't have had children. If that meant no children, I was happy to accept that and move on. DH feels the same.

That's really sad for your DH.

I think your observations on older parents and their children's behaviour are an example of correlation rather than causation, possibly.

Neurodiverse/quirky/high IQ people likely tend to have kids later - I personally had zero desire to have children till I got to 34/35 (not that I'm claiming a high IQ)- and traits tend to be passed down...

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:52

Nigel Farage is trying to breed an army of idiots.

I think it's working. Despite Brexit people will still want to vote reform 🤦🏻‍♀️

MissHoneyPenny · 27/04/2025 00:52

ReplacementBusService · 26/04/2025 21:33

My grandma's generation of women and before were having babies well into their 40s, until they hit menopause. There was minimal access to birth control. Older parents have always been a thing.

Agreed. My grandma had her 1st at 17 and her last at 42.

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:54

whereas the children of older parents tend to be feral, entitled, and the parents seem almost scared of them.

Must be true then

Crazyworldmum · 27/04/2025 00:56

Um in my 40 s and my parents in their early 60s , I have a 23 ,8 and 3 year old . Most adults live quite a independent life until at least mid 70s most often the 80s so children will be adults anyway ? I think this idea that older peopLe will all need massive help is ridiculous. My parents are completely capable

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/04/2025 00:58

meevee · 27/04/2025 00:24

But if you have a very good career (the type I assume they are referring to) it is perfectly possible to have heaps of fun in your twenties and buy a nice house and have a decent chunk of savings in time to have children by 30.

You need to earn serous money for that which even very good careers don't pay until you have been in the role some time.

Not to mention how much it is for childcare.

£2k a month just for one child at DC's nursery.

User46576 · 27/04/2025 01:00

over children of older parents have better outcomes. There is a slight increase in risk of disability but it’s very small and generally more mature wealthier parents tend to bring better outcomes. That said it may be a correlation effect but generally there’s no evidence that older parenthood is harmful- quite the opposite

Crazyworldmum · 27/04/2025 01:01

Imonlyhappywhenitrains · 27/04/2025 00:07

I'm chiefly concerned about the growing percentage of men and women not having children at all. Will the state be able to support them all in older age?

I know a lot of people won't like this, but in my experience a lot of people I've known who had children younger, didn't make old bones, often seeming fairly elderly in their early 60s for example. It's as if they were on an accelerated life path. Research does indicate links between longevity and later fertility.

That’s a much bigger issue imo

meevee · 27/04/2025 01:04

Will the state be able to support them all in older age?

Nope. In the 60s there was 5 workers to 1 pensioner, now it's 3:1 & not far off 2:1. And more of tmws pensioners rent which is even more strain. It means ever increasing taxes & immigration which is super popular!

Frozenpeace · 27/04/2025 01:05

Intranslation · 27/04/2025 00:48

The question is more 'why wouldn't you?' Why train for years for something and then have a baby instead of a promotion? Well, do if you want to but don't critique those of us who took a different path

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Who said I missed out on promotions? I certainly didn't.

Daffodilsarefading · 27/04/2025 01:10

Lord above women are criticised whatever they do.
Have a child whilst you are young and you get slagged off. Wait until you are older and you get slagged off. Don’t have a child and you get slagged off. Have only one child and you get slagged off, have more than one and you get slagged off. Work full time and you get slagged off. Be a sahp and you get slagged off. Leave a bad relationship and yes…..get slagged off. Stay in the said relationship and you still get slagged off.
People should mind their own business.

User46576 · 27/04/2025 01:11

Imonlyhappywhenitrains · 27/04/2025 00:07

I'm chiefly concerned about the growing percentage of men and women not having children at all. Will the state be able to support them all in older age?

I know a lot of people won't like this, but in my experience a lot of people I've known who had children younger, didn't make old bones, often seeming fairly elderly in their early 60s for example. It's as if they were on an accelerated life path. Research does indicate links between longevity and later fertility.

I agree with this. In the area I grew up, some of the women I went to school with are grandmothers. They definitely seem to be aging a lot more quickly than those to have kids later. Of course that’s all anecdotal and there are of course exceptions. But there does seem to be something to this.

User46576 · 27/04/2025 01:14

Frozenpeace · 27/04/2025 01:05

Who said I missed out on promotions? I certainly didn't.

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Perhaps you’re just some sort of superwoman then who managed to build a career and financial stability with children unlike everyone else.

MrsEverest · 27/04/2025 01:14

It’s not really new is it? The average age of first time parents might be older but my dad having us in his early 50s in the 70s was not that far off generations of parents in my family who’ve had their last baby in their mid to late 40s. Not uncommon to have a pre-menopause surprise.

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