To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

[Kindersurprising]

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

Even better for the issues of climate change and over population.

If it takes to your late 30s just to be "financially stable" then either.

• you have excessive expectations of what is required to be financially stable;
• you are very bad at budgeting ; or
• you cannot possibly be as "career driven" as you were making out.*

These posts are brilliant! 😆 Nothing to do with housing costs vs salaries, wage stagnation, childcare costs.

No , and it's an urgent conversation we need to have. Not helped by people denying the biological risks of a population delaying parenthood

But people in their late 30s/early 40s could certainly have become homeowners by their late twenties . House prices weren't always this crazy.

I'm chiefly concerned about the growing percentage of men and women not having children at all. Will the state be able to support them all in older age?

I know a lot of people won't like this, but in my experience a lot of people I've known who had children younger, didn't make old bones, often seeming fairly elderly in their early 60s for example. It's as if they were on an accelerated life path. Research does indicate links between longevity and later fertility.

Ha! Tell that to those in trades - far better pay than most "educated" careers.

There's so much elitism here sometimes.

Most universities or employers offer support or funding for young mothers with children.

Women were considered "on the shelf" if they were unmarried and childless by 21. Which tells me, a good proportion would have been mothers already by that age.

I had my first child in my 30s. Before that, I spent my twenties building a career, learning who I was, and creating a stable and supportive life. That emotional and financial security meant that when I did have my child, I could be fully present. I see that same pattern across so many friends who also became parents later.

People are living longer and staying healthier for longer. Even if I’d had my child at 22, it would not have guaranteed multiple generations alive at once. My grandma had my mum at 18, but died in her 50s.

I think in 20-50 years it will be interesting to see kids with parents who chose to have them when they were ready — mentally, emotionally, financially — and families shaped more by love, intention, and resilience than patriarchal pressure to have children young.

Having kids later isn’t the beginning of social collapse — it’s just a different path to raising happy, well-supported people.

But people in their late 30s/early 40s could certainly have become homeowners by their late twenties . House prices weren't always this crazy.

Rents have been high for some time & saving the high deposits required whilst paying rent is what delays home buying for many.

The fact remains most people aren't having dc in their 40s

No, I am just pointing out that anyone claiming to be a massively successful high flying professional who only knows other high flying professionals and yet none of them are having babies till their fourti s like it's a badge of honour must be overstating their success or delaying children for other reasons because truly high flying professionals definitely earn enough to be financially stable long before their late thirties

as I said, the average age of a first time buyer is over 30. If you haven’t even bought your first home, you’re not in a great place to have children. Especially in the uk with the current state of the rental market.

not sure what you mean by financially stable in your late twenties- that’s good for you but not the average. I had my own children particularly late but that worked well for me. I wanted to enjoy my youth and I did.

I feel really strongly about this.

DH is the product of older parents. They were both dead by the time he was 13, and he is massively fucked up because of it. As a result, he has absolutely nobody in life now to turn to, as all parent siblings are also dead. Seeing someone all alone is heartbreaking, and his care experiences are horrific.

Then there's the higher chance of having a neurodiverse or disabled child the older you get. If you don't think this is an issue in society, go and volunteer in a mainstream classroom for a week. I say this as a disabled person. What happens when the HUGE percentage of these children need looking after when they're no longer in school and no longer have parents?

Lastly, and this may be coincidental, but in all the schools I've ever taught in, the non-disabled children who usually cause the most issues are the children from older parents. The younger parents generally seem to have good boundaries, want their children to do well, and have high standards of behaviour, whereas the children of older parents tend to be feral, entitled, and the parents seem almost scared of them.

If I hadn't had a child by the time I was 25, I wouldn't have had children. If that meant no children, I was happy to accept that and move on. DH feels the same.

I had my first child at 35 and second at 36 - I didn't have them earlier because I went to uni and had a horrible first marriage, then spending c9 years avoiding men before meeting my DH.

I dont think my age now is an issue esp as Im told I look a lot younger than I am. But I have slowed down and the big thing for me is it'll be 5 or 10 years before or if any grandchildren come along, which makes me feel a little sad.

Taking my own personal exp away from the discussion though, the main societal issue is that we need the younger generations working to cover paying for our pensions, if people have less children (and they are having less children in the West) then paying for pensions gets hard, that's why retirement age keeps moving up.

I think there's an ideal age to have children - probably mid 20's when health is good and energy levels are good until kids reach about 35yo. But it's hard to find the right man to have kids with, so for most this age isn't realistic. Looking at my friends, most had their kids at the same age I did or later too, so we are def not setting ourselves up well to be looked after well in our later years...

Absolutely.

I don't think anyone knows how to live frugally anymore either! Most people are in debt because they just can't manage their money. Can't go without. Still want foreign holidays and nights out. If you want a mortgage and to get on the property ladder - it all has to go ! You reap the rewards later. We're a very "I want it all and I want it now" generation.

It doesn't take someone till they are 38 to "figure out who they are" and how to live life though. Plenty of people mature and have a strong sense of self and are ready for and want children in their twenties. Your prolonged journey to maturity doesnt mean everyone else takes that long

Ha! Tell that to those in trades - far better pay than most "educated" careers.

There's so much elitism here sometimes.

What on earth has the above got to do with my point about jobs being less secure now & you saying most mothers started having dc in their teens?! 😆😆

Most universities or employers offer support or funding for young mothers with children.

Do they? And do they pay rent too?

Women were considered "on the shelf" if they were unmarried and childless by 21. Which tells me, a good proportion would have been mothers already by that age.

Well I have shown your statistics that go back to 1938 so how old are you?

People can’t afford university degrees, even with help.
In the US, minimum wage is a pathetic $7.25/hr.
While it’s higher in some “blue” states, the “red” states continue to suffer.
And our president and his Republican friends in Congress are close to passing another huge tax cut for their billionaire donors and friends.
The tariff fiasco continues.
To say it sucks wouldn’t describe how badly it truly sucks.

Agreed. I was 20 when I bought my first house. I was in my last year of uni, was in a stable relationship I'd been in since I was 17, and we just went for it. By the time I had my children (both before I was 25), I was married, a graduate with a professional career and owned two businesses.

But then, I'm not selfish, so 🤷🏼‍♀️

First births weren't always at a young age in the past. Both my grans were born around 1910. They were both one of many siblings, and ended up having to care for a family member in their early adult life - meaning they couldn't marry until they were a bit older. This wasn't an unusual situation in those days (often caring duties would fall to the only daughter/the youngest child/an unmarried child). One had her first child at 28, the other 38. They both had their last child at 42/43. Ages that are not so different to today.

Amongst my school friends (we were born early 1980s), our mum's were mostly aged mid 20s to mid 30s when they had us. One had a mum who had been 19, the other was about 43. Of all the mums, the oldest one was the coolest by far - she was so much more laid back (my friend was her 5th) and really into modern music, films, sport and travel.

actual high flying professionals will not be having babies in their 20s or very unlikely to do so. You would destroy your career in my industry by doing that. You can’t build a career in a competitive industry in a year or two. i don’t know anyone in my profession who had kids until well into 30s.

No, I am just pointing out that anyone claiming to be a massively successful high flying professional who only knows other high flying professionals and yet none of them are having babies till their fourti s like it's a badge of honour must be overstating their success or delaying children for other reasons because truly high flying professionals definitely earn enough to be financially stable long before their late thirties

Perhaps they haven't met their partners yet & areas where these jobs are tend to have prohibitive housing costs.

Didn’t say I was 38…

It's hardly delusional if they are actually having children in their 40s. Which women have always done, by the way.

What is delusional is thinking having kids in your 20s works for everyone. Particularly when it is not remotely a priority for most 20 something men, let alone women. It takes two to tango and so much is blamed on women's choices, when in fact many men don't want to start a family until later in life.

And when was I supposed to fit in or afford having several kids before 30? My degree was 4 years, I was 19 when I started, having a September birthday. Then I worked as a paralegal for 18 months before going back to law school full time for a year. My training contract started when I was 26, we also bought a house then - practically unheard of now at that age, then we got married when I was 28 and had jyst qualified as a solicitor, and I had DD1 just over 12 months later. I was the first to have kids among my oldest friends and I don't see how it would have helped our situation in any respect to have kids a few years earlier. In fact it would have been rather reckless and stupid.

I agree. I think there are probably genetics at play here.

I had DS at 45. No issue conceiving, easy pregnancy, natural birth. My dm had babies at 34 38, 42, 44, no issues, all dsis have had babies in their forties, as did my paternal grandparents. For some families, it is completely routine.

But then, I'm not selfish, so

What is wrong with you @SquashedMallow? I can't work out if you are stupid or just bitter, bored?

I continued my education and graduated at 21 (studying with a child is much more flexible than working in my experience - It was also the last year of student grants). Then I worked part time when my son was young, bought my first house at 22 when houses were still affordable. I got to travel and enjoy my twenties with my son rather than before him so no I don’t think my age was a disadvantage.

My point is people on here are claiming it's a marker of being some how "elite" and particularly successful to delay parenthood.

But if you have a very good career (the type I assume they are referring to) it is perfectly possible to have heaps of fun in your twenties and buy a nice house and have a decent chunk of savings in time to have children by 30.

I loved my "youth" as you call it, but I didn't feel it was over when I had children. I have had a blast throughout my thirties bringing them up and enjoying adventures with them. Life doesn't stop when children are born.