To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

And this is a good example of confused info. I thought you couldn’t take progesterone alone because it was the bit responsible for ovarian cancer risk?

"I’m also noticing pmt like mood cycles but without periods, is that typical do you think?"

Yes, I think so. I don't know for how long after the end of periods though.

I do 👋. The greatest change for me is the fact I no longer have any interest in finding a partner - that need seemed to vanish along with my periods! I'm happy on my own, I feel fulfilled, and all the energy I used to expend on dating and relationships is now mine to use on other things!

Is that because of a complete loss of sex drive though? And if so, why does that happen to some women and not other after menopause? Some people think it's actually something that shouldn't happen.

Overall, it's not been too bad for me but I did feel the worst time was probably between 45-47 (peri) but for different reasons. Felt I was so irritable (perhaps the other end of the anxiety some experience?) - could go from calm to rage at a drop of a hat, very unlike me. Opted for the Mirina coil, did help a bit, then went on HRT gel, and it did settle down.

But now, well past 50, I'm not bothering with HRT anymore, or very rarely. Irritability is gone - hooray - and night sweats have almost disappeared (never did get the hot flushes in the daytime - not yet anyhow).

The issue I have now i that I struggle to sleep, or rather the conditions have to be optimum for me to get a good night's rest.

Generally also find that my digestion has changed and I seem more sensitive to lactose/gluten, so cut it down but not out.

Although I don't always do it - not a gym bunny - running (on a treadmill) in the evening I find really helps with my sleep.

No, I still have a sex drive, I just don't need a man to meet that need 😅

No, I'm not 'scare mongering'. It's my opinion only among a lot of others. You have no idea how old I am, or how far past menopause I am. For all you know, you are yet to encounter my issues.

Were you this unpleasant before menopause because in my case, it has not changed my personality.

Magnesium has really helped my sleep! Both quantity and quality.

I have oestrogen dominance so progesterone balances it out. It's about balancing the hormones so they work properly. Too much oestrogen also can cause female cancers

I haven’t voted but I imagine it’s because for things have changed and now you can’t move for training and events and support groups and programmes about the menopause. They is a huge amount of information out there now.

Because it’s well known that menopause can be ghastly e is a wealth of information about it.

I’m 10 years in and still have symptoms even though I’ve been through menopause so it’s worth persevering till you find something that works for you. Ask your gp to try some different hrt treatments. Also citalopram is great for meno anxiety. Good luck OP.

Yes it is....my mum had the same. I had a few months where I couldn't go out amd had to go to A and E twice with trousers soaked in blood and clots like a placenta. Ended up with 3 blood transfusions and a hysterectomy due to a fibroid...

Yes, but it would be good to have and idea of why or be able to predict how it will be for you. (Unfortunately, I haven't been able to ask my mum).

For example, do people who suffered from bad pms in their teens get more of the moodiness symptoms in peri?
Who are the ones who completely lose their sex drives? The ones whose drives were not so high before?
Who are the ones who get very high sex drive in peri before it quietens down? The ones who were horny teens?
Is there really no research?

"There are an abundance of excellent podcasts on the subject. Because of them, as well as HRT, I now take collagen (proper research backed stuff not the marine stuff), creatine, wear a weighted vest to walk my dog, weight train, eat a Mediterranean diet. I feel and look better than I have for 15 years!"

To be fair, the info online can be quite contradictory.
Which collagen do you take please?

I think the "come through it" is another huge myth. If your body is affected in whatever way by lack of estrogen then that estrogen is never coming back. If you have vaginal atrophy and need cream, you are on that for the rest of your life. I am mid-50s and certainly when I was in my teens, 20s and 30s the menopause was something which happened, your hormones went haywire for a bit, then you went back to normal.

I wonder if the "you can't move for people talking about the menopause" posters are younger, because 30 years ago, pre-internet and pre hundreds of satellite TV channels and pre-mumsnet, there was no discussion. Many of our GPs who qualified in the 90s or early 2000s are fucking clueless, and disinterested.

Obviously the posts on the menopause forum are women who are having issues just as the relationships board is people with shitty partners. People do not post when they are happy or have nothing to discuss.

Tweaking HRT - there are so many combos. If you still have your uterus you could have patches plus a Mirena coil, or gel and progesterone tablets, or patches which have both hormones. If like me you have no uterus then you can have patches, or gel, or spray, or even tablets. Some women do better on one format than another and you don't know until you try. I was horrendous on the gel, the anxiety and insomnia came back almost overnight. I am allergic to the glue on one brand of patches. Other women find the gel works brilliantly for them and don't like the patches. Then there is the complicating factor that all these options come in a range of doses, patches start at 25 micrograms and then go to 50, 75 and 100. If you have a GP who does not know what they are doing, then you have to figure all this out on your own.

The first two GPs I saw after I'd started experiencing issues post-hysterectomy prescribed anti-depressants. The third prescribed folic acid (wtf?) It took a fourth visit to another GP after reading lots of threads on here that I got HRT. Women are not paying hundreds of pounds a month for private menopause clinic for a laugh. They are doing so because very often the advice from their NHS GP is appallingly poor and in my area, you can only be referred to the specialist clinic if you have a complicating issue like a previous cancer.

Yes this is exactly the sort of granularity I would like.

I feel as though op didn’t word her thread well and rather than meaning we are lied to, we can feel in the dark.

There’s loads of information out there but much of it still has a wink wink nudge nudge feel rather than clear parameters. I realise that is complicated by everyone being very different but, by way of example, I have learned in this thread ( by asking specifically) that there can be deluge style bleeding. I have not seen that stated in any info; it just says vaguely “heavy periods” not a more specific “may not be able to leave the house because of the heaviness.”

Its not lies but a lack of specificity or granularity. I know what she means,

Interestingly, I never suffered from PMS or hormonal fluctuations, nor have I ever felt broody. Apart from the migraines, I had a pretty easy menopause compared to most. I also only had the odd nightmare period. They were mostly a day or two of discomfort.

I would be interested to see research about this as well.

I feel much healthier now I am post menopause.

That's really cool.

My GP was effing diabolical. They've also been beyond dreadful with my husband's recent stage 4 cancer diagnosis.

I got zero support, other than being told to take vits B & D.

I haven't experienced lack of libido or vaginal dryness.

I have experienced a realisation that - for a large part - men are really, really unattractive and unpleasant.

I have two sons and I don't hate men.

Just never wanting to rub parts with with an idiot ever again and that is quite rewarding for me.

Can I ask what you use now re hurting during sex as I have this problem

I expect there are far too many variables to work out how specific individuals are going to experience menopause.

@Empress13 you need to see your GP about vaginal atrophy. They may wish to examine you (very quick, nothing like a smear) and will probably prescribe a cream that you use every day for 3 weeks, then twice weekly after that. It made a huge difference to me and I haven't had a UTI in 18 months since starting it.

You weren't on the internet 10 years ago? I think you can't complain about a lack of information if you choose not to be connected (or you lived somewhere remote?).

This, really, If anything I was anticipating menopause would be much worse than it was. I had days when I felt quite scratchy and irritable, but that was about it. Now I absolutely love not having to worry about contraception, and not getting bad headaches every month is a major bonus. Assuming it's all going to be dreadful doesn't necessarily reflect reality.