To feel lied to about the menopause

[Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged]

I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

It has been for me - I've been getting these, then some months "skipping".

Oh god yes 'the change' 😂.

I'm quite self aware and have been tracking my periods and moods for decades, mainly as I never got on with hormonal contraception, so needed to understand myself. I also lived in a house share with all women in my 30s and we very quickly realised how much our hormones affected us, as we'd all be like oh what was that about and then realise we were due on, plus our cycles then starred syncing 😆 - that stayed with me how inextractable I am from my cycles.

Anyway, all that is to say that, despite the above, if I didn't know about perimenopuase I would still probably at various points be thinking that I'm actually psychotic and need to be sectioned (I have a brother with paranoid schizophrenia who actually was sectioned, so am aware there's a much broader spectrum and what I've experienced is probably at the very lower end of what being very sleep deprived over 2-3 days does) - except for the fact there is more awareness of peri now and I know how much it can have an effect. Doesn't make symptoms easier though!

And can you manage it with tampons/period pants? Or both? ( I feel like I’m twelve years old again and wondering when the floodgates will open).

My mum being a nurse suggests women ask their mums what theirs was like. We'll get a hundred answers on mumsnet because of everyone having different experiences. In general, you tend to get what your mum had.

Do you think the heavy months follow a skip and there simply hadn’t been the right hormone levels to trigger shedding the lining one month. Then two months worth go together? That at least would give a hint of when to expect it…

OP, can I ask, do you sleep well? Are things okay at home and at work?

I also heard that avoiding caffeine and meditation can help, as well as magnesium tablets for brain fog. All these things may be a drop in the bucket, but might help you a little.

Also, if your doctor is useless, you could try seeking a second opinion with another doctor.

The anxiety is the worst in my opinion. Whooshes of it that wake you in the night. 5 years past my last period and still suffering. Hrt doesn’t help.

Posters have mentioned vaginal atrophy, clitoral shrinkage & dryness.I had & have none of this. No loss of libido either, in fact the opposite & I'm 60 plus & have never been on HRT. I'd swap it all though for the awful cyclical breast swelling & pain I still get amongst other hormonally related issues that have never left me.

It's got better in recent years with more discussion around it and more women speaking out about how it has affected them. But yes, I was told your periods stop. And that maybe you get a few hot flushes.

This is why (post hysterectomy) I morphed into an anxious, depressed, insomniac mess I did not realise what was going on. Three GPs equally uneducated.

I'm sure there are posts on this thread already as I haven't read it all saying it's a con, and that women have been dealing with this for millennia and just getting on with it, that Davina and the rest of them are chancers and on the take, and that HRT will kill you. There are some very lucky women who do just find that their periods stop and that's that. But the NHS on the whole is extremely poorly-equipped to deal with those of us who need help.

Don't get me started on the ongoing extreme shortages of Estradot patches either.

I had my first hot flush in September 1999. They seemed to be tailing off but I had to have a hysterectomy 6 years ago and it all came back with vengeance.

Hot flushes, night sweats, waves of anxiety before each one. Terrible sleep. Libido vanished, vaginal atrophy. I read upthread about vertigo - I didn't know this was a symptom of menopause because I sometimes get that too.

Doctors over the years have been no help. Can't have HRT because of other medical issues apparently. One put me on Citalopram which was amazing. Not only did it stop the waves of anxiety it stopped the flushes. Have no idea why. I was on that for about three years then they took me off it because it was felt I was becoming 'addicted'. Was prescribed Vagifem but everything has shrunk so much I can't get the applicator up there, let alone anything else!

I exercise, eat well. I confess to the occasional glass of wine because that makes me feel human for a couple of hours.

No point going back to a GP. Have currently had 4 appointments cancelled regarding a cardiac issue so menopause is not going to be of any interest to them. I'm 71 and have been in menopause for nearly 26 years. Does it never end?

I am on HRT gel, four pumps, the patches were crap. So perhaps you use weren't using enough.

Nightsweats, anxiety has dropped

I have also started testosterone which has bumped the libido up.

Give it a go again

Just being pedantic but it seems to me people never stop ‘telling you about’ it. The thing is, we don’t hear what we’re told until it’s relevant to us. In a way it’s best not to know in advance anyway!

So. Eat well. Hydrate. Take vitamins, especially vitamin D. Exercise. Be very kind to yourself and demand that others are too. Enjoy nature.

I took Menopause Support by Vogel during per i and until two years after my periods stopped. Made me feel less neurotic.

Brain fo g was helped by turmeric in cooking plus a few nuts each day.

It’s a shame you were taken off the only thing that helped. You can take antidepressants indefinitely. You wouldn’t take medication away from someone bipolar? I would definitely ask for it again.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8290307/
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c23v42jdle7o

If anything smacks of sexism it's healthcare.

We aren't lied to we're forgotten!

I had a hysterectomy in 2012 my gynae decided to leave my ovaries because they were fine and the hormones they produce were important and would prevent me entering early menopause. It worked. Menopause has been fairly gentle in the main (I dont recall peri symptons at all) but the lack of sleep is severely hampering me. When I remember, I use Oestrogel it's easy to use and works for me. I also take supplements - lions mane, fibre, biotin, l-tyrosine, omega 3 and 6, vitamin C, zinc, vitamin d, collagen and matcha. I have noticed a difference to brain fog in taking these dietary supplements.

Good luck as is the norm, women are just left to get on with it.

My mum - best person in the entire universe - did tell me it would be awful.

Fortunately, I had around 8 months of sheer Hell and then felt better.

Short sharp shock, so it was.

It sucks, OP.

All my best to you x

So because my experience is different to yours, mine is 'tosh'. Nice.

Menopause has not brought a pleasant mindset in your case evidently.

For all the people saying the info has been out there for years - sure, you may be right but having information about it is completely useless if you cant get the right treatment for it isnt it? If you had a medical condition and it wasnt being treated or managed properly by your doctor it would be very little comfort to you to say "oh well, there have been loads of documentaries on it- isnt that enough?"

I see a private doctor for my HRT and he tested my hormonal fluctuations and has put me on progesterone only. This has helped me massively (I dont need oestrogen) but my friend who cant afford a private consultation has just got bog standard HRT from her GP (after pushing for months because he didnt take it seriously). The GP didnt test her hormone levels- he just stuck on her a standard regime they give to everyone and it's not even helping her.

Information being "out there" is utterly pointless if you cant actually access the proper interventions that you need to make the terrible symptoms reduce and that is what people are missing.

Magnesium helps migraines. Find which one suits you though as I believe there are about six different types!

The hard truth about the menopause and self esteem is that alcohol and "pies" don't help.

These really are the two hardest truths about meno. I am still in denial but I know I am better without them @RosesAndHellebores 😆

No, because you are scare mongering and making other woman feel full of dread, possibly quite unnecessarily.

I feel fine - great, actually- now the hrt is at the right dose. I had all the terrible symptoms before. Actively felt suicidal. No libido at all. I also have (not formally diagnosed) ASD which didn’t help - whole thing tipped me into some dark craziness. Now perfectly happy and even having sex maybe 3 or 4x per week. 3 pumps oestrogel. I have an amazing gp. She’s only about 26! But so impressive and clued up. So I would recommend experimenting a bit more with the hrt and maybe going private if you can afford it. Louise Newsome maybe. Mine is nhs but I was lucky . I will literally never give up hrt. I’d prefer to be dead. If I’m ever stopped from taking it here I will fly to Thailand or somewhere and smuggle it back .

I also remember the period leaflets that mentioned the menopause, but I think that even if they'd had more details about the symptoms, it's not something I would have taken seriously at 11 years old.
The one thing I do think about often is how at puberty I was 'becoming a woman' so that means I'm not becoming no longer a woman :(

I voted YABU because there has never been more information available on menopause than in the last couple of years. There's been a transformation.

Growing up and in my youth, I did know about hot flushes and weight gain because those are the visible and obvious symptoms. All the other stuff is now being talked about more and more though. Even to the extent that you sometimes hear all sorts of unrelated ailments even in much younger women being attributed to menopause.

"many women seem to have a new lease of life when they come through it (I am not there yet but I’m told this)."

Do they really???
If so, why is that? Are they maybe the women who suffered so much with periods that even losing their female hormones is a good price to bear. I just can't see anything positive in it for me.

I have to say, for a bit of balance, I bloody love menopause; my HRT works really well (no night sweats or hot flushes), and I take magnesium to improve my sleep. It's a pain having to get up for a wee every night, but that's more than balanced out by the absence of periods.

My anxiety has been hugely improved through increased exercise - both strength and cardio. I joined a gym last year aged 55 for the first time ever and it's great!