To feel lied to about the menopause

[Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged]

I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

I knew someone trialing a spray as they couldn’t get on with patches or gel. They said that was great. Not sure how far through the trial stage that’s got though

Sure, but it's not because 'all the information is available in books' because that goes for almost every condition.

Menopause is almost a reverse of puberty. During puberty, our bodies start making these hormones, and every single cell in our bodies have receptors for them. During menopause, out bodies stop making these hormones yet our cells still have the receptors. Some people will be affected, others won't. It's much like puberty, some sail through it without so much as a single spot. (I was one of them). I still had a terrible time during perimenopause.

The long and short of it is that there's still so little research into how women's bodies work, particularly the endocrine system.

I'm 33 so have time still but this is an eye opener. I knew it could be rough and I knew about HRT.

Nut it's good women are sharing. So thank you ladies of this thread. You are helping us who are yet to approach and so we can well equip ourselves!

Can you release an egg & have a period on continuous HRT at 50 in early 50s? I haven’t been able to find an answer on this.

Also if you miss a prog pill or patch & get out of synch on HRT you will have a bleed? Why? Thanks.

There’s one on market.

Lenzetto is the name of the spray. I have heard good things about it but I am too scared to stop using the patches which have worked for me until now.

It may be because of the tired, overused "nobody tells you this " "nobody talks about it". That's simply not true. It's been talked about a lot at the moment, a lot! Books, TV shows, NHS posters, Mumsnet, women's health forums. There's big campaigns about it all.

It’s talked about a lot to the extent that I was surprised when I didn’t have bad menopause symptoms.

It's being talked about it a lot NOW. In the last 10 years. Davina McCall's documentary was 2021, as was the book by Mariella Frostrup. Jen Gunter's book (which I have read and thought very good but American in terms of discussions about ob-gyn doctors and medication) was 2021. Kirsty Wark started talking about menopause in a documentary in 2017.

This is all very recent.

Yes I think this all gets discussed a bit further on in the thread.

There’s a lot of talk but much of it is quite vague. There are genuinely some women who feel they get conflicting advice from gps who often seem disinterested or ill informed. Not sure “ lied to” was a good choice of words - but I just wasn’t sure it was yabu territory.

I’ve had questions I’ve actively sought advice on and Mn is actually one of the better places for specific guidance.

See - this kind of specific advice….

Vaginal dilators and oestrogen cream may help, ask your GP to prescribe

I'm 65, so through it all now, but you have my complete sympathy. I just want to tell you that for me at least, it did get a lot better, but it took a long time. I still get a bit hot (not full on flashes any more though) occasionally but there is a massive upside. I am mentally sharper than ever before, sharper than pre-menopause and a lot sharper than during meno (and I felt the effects for a good 10 years). tHe brain fog was the absolute pits for me, but I kept on working and exercising, and watched my diet, and even though I say it myself, I am in a far far better place now than men my age, physically mentally and emotionally. And I know what it is to really not be in that place and hanging on by my fingernails. I know it varies from one person to the next massively, so I can only wish you the best of luck. Oh, and oestrogen cream is a must!

Is sensitive smell a menopause/perimenopause symptom? I seem to have a really sensitive sense of smell at the moment, got my bosses PA to have a sniff around our staff room because I was convinced it smelt of dirty bins (still don’t know if she found anything!).

Yes. But that is no good when we have other medical issues and/or family history of cancers which mean that no one will prescribe it for us.

Reading this thread has made me feel quite depressed at how many years I have had to put up with all of this crap and how many other women are the same. There seems to be no help for some of us.

I would so like to feel like me again for a few years before I die.

You say you tried HRT and it didn't work but what sort and how many variations were tried before giving up? Ask to be referred to a menopause clinic if your GP is not good on menopause. Its a specialist area and not even all gynaecologists do well at this.

If the wait list for a specialist clinic is too long can you afford to pay? Getting the treatment right can make a huge difference. I agree with you that too many medics just don’t take difficult or extended menopause problems seriously in exactly the same way that “period pains” are not taken seriously even when sever and indicative of much wider problems. It isn’t just older women, women’s health in general is a second class issue in health care.

@Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged Maybe ask MNHQ to move your thread to the menopause board here?

You'll get lots of help and advice on what HRT might be worth trying.

Many women need to try different types, doses and so on before they find one that works.

Armed with some options you can go to your GP and request them.

@C8H10N4O2 That's good advice but I think menopause clinics are thin on the ground. My impression is they are for women with very complex issues that can't be sorted by different types of HRT.

Interestingly, one of the newly published aims of the NHS according to Wes Streeting is to have menopause centres to take the load off GPs. How soon this will happen, if ever, is another matter.

I sailed through puberty and menopause with few problems but several years ago I developed Lichen Sclerosis which caused untold distress - soreness, insane itching, skin tears which stung like hell when urinating. It's a lot better now with just skin sloughing off and looking like eraser rubbings. They cause even more friction. As for my architecture- most of it's been absorbed, so I have no inner labia or clitoris. Sex has been off the agenda for years. Doctors were no help. I'm under the care of the Derm dept at the hospital, with an open appointment.

@DoraSpenlow Can you afford to see anyone other than your GP? I'm amazed to be honest at how many women are told they can't have HRT for various reasons, yet often that is incorrect.
The contraindications are a very small list.

What are your issues and family history which they say means you can't have it?

The BC risk applies if you have 2 first degree relatives with it and then you should be tested for the BRACa gene,

The other conditions are a recent blood clot or stroke/heart disease.

There may be a couple of other medical conditions but these are the main ones and even then HRT is not necessarily out of the question.

Now is absolutely the time to educate and equip yourself. The information is out there and your attitude will definitely help you in the long run. @ReallyyyyyyI suffered from premature menopause (peri at 32, full at 35, post now in my 40’s).

@Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichangedif I based all my life’s information on what I was told at school and didn’t continue to seek information I too would feel ‘lied to’ - the world is a very different place.

I have high blood pressure, intermittent atrial fibrillation and polycystic kidneys. My great grandmother and an aunt died from breast cancer. My mum died from a stoke.

I have spoken to probably about 12 different doctors over the years. A private menopause consultation locally is £300 which I am loathe to pay out when I have already been told I can't have it. And at 71 I think I am now too old to have it anyway.

And for everyone who keeps saying that the info is out there, yes it is but is no use if you don't know what to do with it and what will work for you.

I am worried many of us might be unwittingly putting our health at risk by being on too high a dose of oestrogen. Hard to get clear facts the professionals agree on. All seem to deem different levels are ok.

Anxiety has been the biggest issue for me during peri I became a shell of myself afraid to leave the house it’s awful.
It’s like going to bed normal and waking up a different person. The only thing that helped me was going on a low dose of antidepressants HRT just caused heavy and prolonged periods which being diagnosed with iron deficiency anemia was something I didn’t need.