To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

'Homoeopathy cured my dry vagina'

How? Genuine question.

Also, it isn't a dry vagina that many suffer with it is atrophy. Where the tissue becomes very thin and fragile.

"If HRT didn't help you, that's because you weren't prescribed it correctly."

Is that always true? I often read of women taking HRT and it not solving the problems.

The thing is, there's no one-size fits all answer. We are all unique, and women's bodies react differently to HRT. Some need more oestrogen, others less and more progesterone. Frustratingly, the symptoms of declining oestrogen are the same as declining progesterone. Add in that many GPs can't read female hormone blood panels/aren't trained properly in HRT/think it's just about oestrogen, prescribe oestrogen heavy HRT. Sometimes, just progesterone will work. Add in that many benefit from testosterone, well, that's something that many won't/can't prescribe. Also, vaginal atrophy, something many GPs (and even nurses who do smears) know nothing about. HRT does not touch. Separate, topical oestrogen is needed. (And it's so low dose that even those with hormone + breast cancer can use it).

This is why pharmaceutical companies don't research this stuff. It can't be medicalised in the way impotence can. Men's hormones work on a 24 hour cycle. Women, well, the standard 28 day cycle is a myth, it can be anywhere from 15- 41 days. (Mine was 21 days). How the hell do you work to treat so many different needs? You can't, and why HRT is such an art to prescribe, often trial and error, but once the right dose is found, it is miraculous.

I don't think there is any research. This is clear when people go to their GPs and get such vague responses and a scatter gun approach which is insane given that you can get hormone driven cancers.
No-one even knows what drives the hot flushes that seem to emanate from the marrow of your bones even.
There are masses of variables. I am a keen amateur geneticist and something I have noticed by talking to people is that the further north your haplogroup is from, the more you seem to suffer with hot flushes and sweats at least. Closer to the equator, not that bit so much.`
Research is done mainly into disease and especially those with a high mortality rate so this is way on the back burner despite it causes so much misery.
Diet and exercise help enormously though.

YES. It's that simple. Please see my post at 10:57 which explains things a little more.

I'm very surprised to read this, as there is loads of talk about the menopause now. It's a massive conversation.
My GP recommended Menopause Matters, and I also recommended watching the Davjna McCall programme Sex, Myths and the Menopause.
There's a lot of information out there. Talk to your GP again.
Sorry you're struggling.

Thanks. Read your post now. It seems you're saying that all the women who say HRT didn't help just had the wrong dose, is that right? Does it really work for everyone? If that is the case, I can worry a bit less about what is to come (as long as I'm able to get HRT).

So I’m 41 and think I’m starting with the menopause - I have always had the worst pmt etc from teens to current.
do women who have had bad pmt also suffer badly from menopause or is it less bad than bad pmt?

Ok

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Disclaimer: haven't used it, no idea if its good, but the claims seem helpful.

OP what HRT did you try? The gel is the best if you're struggling as you have more control over the dose. If you're in perimenopause, your hormone levels will be all over the place, and to add to the bollocks of it all, too much oestrogen can have similar effects to not enough. But HRT, once you've found your level, will fix brain fog, hair falling out, night sweats, and for me, feeling absolutely suicidal. Go back to your doctor and ask to be started on Oestrogel and don't be afraid to go up or down half a dose if it's not quite right after a few weeks.

This is what I would also like to know - I suspect it's true.
However, when I suggested this should be researched many posters poo-pooed the idea.

Does it really work for everyone? If that is the case, I can worry a bit less about what is to come (as long as I'm able to get HRT).

It stands to reason that if it is proven that your symptoms are being caused by lack of hormones, then replacing those hormones will help. If however your symptoms are in fact depression, or underactive thyroid, or anything else which is not a lack of hormones, HRT won't work. Minimising stress is all well and good but menopause generally hits women in the perfect storm of aging parents and young adult/student children to worry about. In generations past when people had kids at 18-25 ish, by the time you hit menopause at 50 your kids were well grown and out of your hair and your parents were dead.

Every woman is different though and like the contraceptive pill you might have to try a few to find what's right for you. Some people love their Mirena coil, others find it unbearable. Some love patches, others prefer gel. Some - like me - are allergic to the glue on a particular patch so can't have that even if it works. GPs will generally start you on a low dose and move you up until you feel better but it can take a while and does rely on your GP understanding the full range of options.

Every month I would have blinding migraines and cold sores, not sure if that would come under PMT? My periods were heavy and painful. I had an overnight menopause as I had a hysterectomy with ovaries also removed. It was wonderful, I rarely get migraines and cold sores now, maybe once ever year or two and obviously no painful periods.

I was in a bay with 3 other women, we all had surgery on the same day, I was feeling fine, up having a shower the next morning, pushing for early discharged, one of the other women was not quite as happy as me but didn't seem to be struggling, the other two were having a rough time. It was a right pain at the time as they kept us awake all night ringing bells, complaining about hot sweats, nurses setting up fans, both of them refusing/unable to get out of bed the next morning. I'm not sure anyone can predict how these things go for each woman.

I saw a top gynae who told me, after a blood test on oestrogen/prog/testosterone (my reading said can only ever be an inaccurate snapshot) & I thought I’d hit sweet spot which you rightly describe. ‘Ohh I don’t like my menopausal women to run that high, your level should be lower’. This worried me. Are we dicing with our health as we try to find what feels best?

I'm guessing that is because obese people seem to do better when they have support from others weightloss wise. Also obesity is a massive drain on the NHS so it's possibly a cost v benefit thing.

Having classes to tell women that from 40s and over they will have various issues to a varing degree caused by hormone depletion maybe doesn't carry much merit from an NHS budget point of view.

I did and still got told that I shouldn't take it.

While I cannot speak for others, I had the lightest, easiest periods. Started at 15, and while I was on a short cycle approx 21-25 days, never had so much as a twinge. Only real issue was javelin arse and huge mood cycles twenty fours before I came on. Indeed, the minute the suicidal thoughts started, I knew period was about to hit.

I had a dreadful perimenopause, suffering with nearly every issue. The only thing I didn't not have a problem with my periods. (This coupled with going through this in my late 30s/early 40s meant my GP refused to believe I was perimenopausal). About 18 months into hell, I had three months were I was having two periods a month, and then they suddenly stopped. The hot flushes, muscle and bone pain, dry mouth, brain fog, lethargy, losing sense of self to name just a few continued. HRT sorted it out.

So no, no correlation.

Until I had my first child I had excruciating period pain for 4 hours every month. It was as bad as labour pain but relentless. After I gave birth it didn't happen again. I would take menopausal symptoms over PMS for two weeks a month any day. I did suffer menopausal symptoms but if you read my previous post it wasn't in a typical way. I'm over 60 now & still get symptoms eg occasional & random breast pain but far less. I haven't taken HRT.

I’d give her another try .
Do yoga and get out for walks.

Try some vitd supplements if you are not already .

They won't let you have HRT per se, but they will let you have topical oestrogen - Vagifem. I know this because I had breast cancer and am still allowed topical oestrogen for my vagina. You need to press them on this if they refuse.

I dunno, I feel like all I hear is about how awful the menopause is. Like, what I can do about that I don't know.

PS. Want to add that many women are actually allergic to the patches/adhesive used for some HRT such as Everol Conti/Sequi. Creams and gels are much better. You can also control your dose more too.

whats Surprised me is how much it’s been like the reverse of starting my periods and puberty. So the fainting, rages, bizarre things happening with periods. It seems to really just be a reverse of them starting.

Well, hopefully you'll sail through it. Many many women do. However, some of us have a terrible time. So, to be forewarned is to be prepared and all that.

What helped me most was reading that Japanese women have hardly any symptoms - because they don't talk about it and don't make a fuss. It's not about telling women to 'hush', it's about seeing menopause as a natural and fulfilling stage of life. As you rightly say, OP, it's the end of all that inconvenience.

'Menopause' is big business and a key part of women's lives that men want access to purely because they would naturally be excluded from it. So women are being manipulated to fit in with those aspirations of men.