To feel lied to about the menopause

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I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

There are other things that can cause some of the problems put down to menopause. I have an underactive thyroid, got it when you might get peri, lots of similar issues, tiredness, brain fog, aches and pains, weepy. Getting levothyroxine was like a miracle.

Haven’t read whole thread, so apologies if I’m repeating others. I found I needed to combine HRT with sertraline to feel ok again. I’m probably better (mentally) now than I was for many years prior to peri - and life is throwing a hideous amount of shot at me currently!

There are also zillions of books and articles that cover all of this.
Many of the books are personal accounts (eg Davina) but there are some sensible books out there by doctors and websites like Menopause Matters (Dr Heather Currie) or Balance ( Dr Newson).

The info is out there.

"I didn't call them useless,"

Some of them ones people have talked about here do seem to be useless on menopause.

100%. Longitudinal studies of women’s health would be hugely helpful.

Advances in all healthcare come via studies and data, to identify patterns, the impact of genetics v environment, trigger points and the efficacy of lifestyle changes, treatments etc.

Most women experience cycles of health in a way men don’t. Starting menstruation. Menstrual cycles and their symptoms. Cycles of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding/post-natal. Peri-menopause. Menopause. Post-menopause. Symptoms vary from woman to woman. But some may be hereditary. Some may be helped or hindered by lifestyles changes. Some may be helped or hindered by medication.

All will be helped by increased evidence and knowledge. By health professionals. By society as a whole, as we should all know what to expect and be understanding and adaptable. And by women themselves.

Often these cycles feel relentless when you’re a woman. For example, you’ve just got comfortable with your adult body and menstruation, then go through pregnancy. You’ve just come out the other side of pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding and post-natal, then are hit with the peri-menopause.

There should be much more proactive information and support for everyone with anticipating and dealing with life cycles to stay as healthy and feel as well as possible. Women should have a very clear understanding of the possibilities and options.

'No amount of healthy eating and exercise (I do it all) is going to take the stress away so I feel I am stuck with it for the time being.'

No, it doesn't take stress away but physical activity (even just walking everywhere I'm not talking about high impact classes) really does contribute toward better quality of sleep which in turn helps with mood. No it won't fix it but all the good lifestyle things we do will be of benefit.

Likewise diet. If someone has a very poor diet and is overweight that will contribute towards aches, pains, lethargy, poor mood. Which as we all know are ramped up massively in peri and meno.

A family history of cancer isn’t an automatic no to HRT. You can be referred to a menopause clinic but you have to insist.

I agree. It might not be 'right' but you need to be pragmatic. Waiting to find a 'good GP' or spending years feeling crap isn't going to be good, even if it's 'morally right'.

I very much agree. You might strongly believe that the NHS should provide top notch care (not just for menopause, but in general) but are you really going to be miserable and suffer rather than just fork out to go private if you can afford to? Martyrdom in the extreme.

You could say that about any health matter though.
Why are there ante-natal classes then?
I think there's a proportion of the population who would prefer to have things explained to them than do their own research, or who are not even capable of doing their own research.

I also agree on an individual level, but not everyone can afford to go private and nor should they have to so there should be a public campaign as well.

Throughout peri and meno I investigated nutritional cures homoeopathy and supplements. I have never taken HRT. Homoeopathy cured my dry vagina. Vogel have a menopause helpline and have great supplements. Conventional meds just give me sideeffects so I avoid.

If you are angry about having been lied to-get informed. Properly-not on social media. I highly recommend the menopause manifesto by DrJen Gunter and take it from there. She also has a substack.

I totally sympathise by the way. I'm 3 years in and just when you think you've figured it out and found a path through (for me HRT, alcohol free, tonnes of exercise, investment in friendships) it changes again, just like the rest of life!

There is also debate amongst doctors as to which amount of oestrogen in HRT is potentially harmful. One gynae frowned & said ‘way too high’ another said ‘too low’. So what’s correct? The inference was if levels too high in meno cancer causing. Which level of patch/pump is right too?

@Gwenhwyfar It doesn't need funding, it needs GPs to take a BMS prescribing course as part of their CPD which costs £100. Paid for by the practice.

It also needs women to be better advocates and inform themselves, and go to their GP with a list of questions and possible treatments to try.

There is no 'preventative' strategy for loss of estrogen. It would be like saying test girls from birth to see who might have painful periods. it's genetic often.

Given the lack of money into cancer treatments, 'diagnosing' a difficult menopause doesn't seem very important as there are treatments for it that work.

The guidance to minimise the impact is to keep fit, exercise, avoid processed food, alcohol and reduce stress.

I’m completely with you, a couple of years out so still regular check ups but there’s always a “is this a side effect or am I just getting old”

If HRT didn't help you, that's because you weren't prescribed it correctly. You need to try again, either see another GP, one whom has an interest in women's health, or else ask to be referred to the menopause clinic. If you're able to throw money at this, go private. HRT is life changing/restoring when done properly. When it is not, can make symptoms a million times worse.

I had a dreadful perimenopause. Contemplated suicide several times. However, it does get better. The right (for me) HRT got me through it. Please do see someone who will help you.

Seems like people forget as well, like for the pain of childbirth.

I've never seen that guidance . maybe talking about endometrial cancer that can be caused by a high estrogen/low progesterone ratio?
There is no evidence yet that doses of estrogen (low or high) are linked to breast cancer. But the overall advice is use hrt at the lowest dose to manage symptoms.

Because a baby's health is obviously involved.

We don't have classes for other life stages and conditions. The nhs does not have limitless staffing to provide info that is readily available.

How do you know what strength is safe/correct? Doctors seem to disagree. How much oestrogen is too much? And too high a dose ill advised apparently.

What, like you? 🥰

"It also needs women to be better advocates and inform themselves, and go to their GP with a list of questions and possible treatments to try."

I think this is unfair and also some GPs react badly to patients who try to tell them what treatment they want or who tell them they've been reading up on the internet. Plenty of people just do not have the skills for this and it ignores the power relationship between doctor and patient.

There's nothing to stop anyone offering menopause classes if you think there's a market for it? My employer offers something similar.

There are classes for weightloss aren't there? All that information is also available in books and on the internet but the NHS runs slimming clubs.

Sorry, I was referring to many other posts saying some Doctors are useless with menopausal symptoms. I should have highlighted this.