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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit embarrassed about my glow up?

155 replies

Donttalkaboutit · 26/04/2025 16:21

I know this will sound very silly!
So over the past decade, my thirties, I've been having babies, breastfeeding, sleepless nights etc etc. I've been carrying excess weight and been dressing to hide my shape. My hair was dull and straggly and I just looked tired and (sorry to use the word!) 'Frumpy'.

Anyway, I'm now 40 and I have lost lots of weight, got my hair cut and highlighted and started wearing make up and stylish clothes. I look 100 x better.

Now when I meet people I haven't seen in a while they are shocked and tell me how much different I look, how young I look, how trendy I am and will comment all good things but inside it just makes me think I must have looked a state before!

I do actually think that I'm looking better than I ever did (!) and am just struggling with all of these compliments even though I know I should be really glad of them! I see.myself in the mirror and can't believe it's me and then get all self conscious when people say I look nice. I'm ve4y, very gracious of the compliments and always say thank you but inside I feel a bit silly or something??
Aibu to feel like this or is this normal?

OP posts:
Original poster
Donttalkaboutit · 08/07/2025 17:27

I also showed her my smart watch and explained that it counts my steps and that I'm trying to get 10k steps each day. She said 'isn't that a bit obsessive? Always checking your watch to see how many steps you've got. Seems excessive'.

OP posts:
cardibach · 08/07/2025 17:31

Mummadeze · 26/04/2025 17:32

Totally get it. I used to be slim and attractive. I put on a lot of weight quite quickly when I went on HRT. Most of the people at my current work only know the bigger me. I recently lost over 5 stone and am back in my old clothes. This feels like me as I was this size most of my adult life. But everyone is acting shocked and commenting all the time at work about my ‘new’ clothes (most of them are my old clothes I can fit into) and how well I look (I was always well, just fatter). I want to be pleased with the complements but they embarrass me and annoy me to be honest. I just keep thinking I am the same as I always was, the weight gain was a temporary thing. But either way I am still the same person.

They aren’t saying you aren’t though. Or that you’re a better person now. Just that you look slimmer. Which you do.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 09/07/2025 17:45

Donttalkaboutit · 06/07/2025 16:29

So a while ago I posted this and today someone tried to bring me down.

The same relative who asked if I was trying to be an influencer saw an opportunity today and it really knocked me.

Since I last posted, I've continued to get fit, lose weight and replace my wardrobe that was full of maxi and midi dresses that basically covered all of my lumps and bumps. I've started following fashion and am wearing clothes I never even considered before. I'm a size 8 and was wearing (and rocking) an outfit that had a kind of crop top that just gives a glimpse of midriff.

My relative said 'oh look and you and your new image! What happened to always wearing your maxidresses like such a sophisticated lady?' (she acted this out as if she was prancing around with her nose in the air). She went on. 'And now you're just so cool aren't you?' Then she acted me out as if I was Sandy from Grease when she got her makeover. This relative thought this was so funny and I just looked at her and changed the subject. I wonder is this why I felt so awkward about my 'glow up' (sorry to those who are offended by the term). Because I was maybe seeing myself through this person's eyes.

Anyway it just happened and my eyes are stinging because it was just so mean and I wish I was invisible.

Jealousy.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 09/07/2025 17:56

Donttalkaboutit · 08/07/2025 17:27

I also showed her my smart watch and explained that it counts my steps and that I'm trying to get 10k steps each day. She said 'isn't that a bit obsessive? Always checking your watch to see how many steps you've got. Seems excessive'.

I'm sorry lovely but some people just aren't blessed with good loving parents.

I carried issues for decXes over what my mum said to me as a child. The difference between our mum's is that I know that my mum didn't mean it. It was jokingly said, I just didn't know it as a child.
She still thinks it's hilarious that she said if she's had me first she wouldn't have had a second. I'm the second and last child. I tell her now it's not an okay thing to say and she laughs. I don't really smart over it, she finds it amusing because I was a handful and now I've 2 handfuls of my own, but a bit extra 🫣 karma 😉🤷🏼‍♀️
Telling me that she thought I was pretty ugly when I asked her if she thought I was pretty.... That stuck for 40 years until this year.

I know your mum made comments when you wore the maxi dresses and she's doing the same thing now.
She's always going to do it.
You do you. Be comfortable with how you look and own it. If she makes comments in future I'd be inclined to say something along the lines of, "I feel as though I've never been good enough for you. You've always made comments and laughed at me and this is why I have decided that I am not going to be in contact very much with you going forward. You're toxic and I don't deserve any of it."
Something like that.

I wanna see you in your crop top outfit. I bet you look amazing 🤩

Undethetree · 09/07/2025 21:51

myplace · 06/07/2025 22:43

It is sad. Remember you can’t change her, you can’t get her to understand or accept how awful she’s been. She just is, like an incredibly irritating pothole in exactly the wrong place. You try and line yourself up to minimise it but occasionally you hit it full on.

Just avoid her. Minimum effort.

I just love this pothole analogy! Will be stealing it.
Yes, it's really sad and yes, she sounds jealous, no, it's not ok and you don't deserve this.
Well done on everything and I agree with the poster above that an honest pushback would not be out of place here.
You sound fab!

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