To feel a bit embarrassed about my glow up?

[Donttalkaboutit]

I know this will sound very silly!
So over the past decade, my thirties, I've been having babies, breastfeeding, sleepless nights etc etc. I've been carrying excess weight and been dressing to hide my shape. My hair was dull and straggly and I just looked tired and (sorry to use the word!) 'Frumpy'.

Anyway, I'm now 40 and I have lost lots of weight, got my hair cut and highlighted and started wearing make up and stylish clothes. I look 100 x better.

Now when I meet people I haven't seen in a while they are shocked and tell me how much different I look, how young I look, how trendy I am and will comment all good things but inside it just makes me think I must have looked a state before!

I do actually think that I'm looking better than I ever did (!) and am just struggling with all of these compliments even though I know I should be really glad of them! I see.myself in the mirror and can't believe it's me and then get all self conscious when people say I look nice. I'm ve4y, very gracious of the compliments and always say thank you but inside I feel a bit silly or something??
Aibu to feel like this or is this normal?

@Hillsmakeyoustrong Mounjaro. Tried healthy eating and exercise but didn’t shift it until I paid for weightloss injections unfortunately

I think all my friends look completely normal and just "them". However, occasionally, one will have an amazing hair cut or wear a fantastic outfit and it's so great that I can't help but comment on it. It's just a wonderful change that I love, it doesn't mean they looked bad before! (And it's sometimes because I want to know which great shop/hairdresser they've discovered so that I can get tips...)

I guess if you've made lots of small changes the effect will be magnified and if you see a lot of people, you'll get frequent comments so I can understand why that would make you feel self conscious. It makes you feel as tho everyone is constantly looking at you and judging you based on your appearance. That might be true of course but it's probably not!

I think all you can do is thank people and enjoy the fact that you clearly have great style. Perhaps respond with "yes, finally back to my old self!"

Sleepless nights make most people look awful,

I had kids early twenties and boy do I look rough in photos from then. Much better once the sleepless nights stopped.

Well done on your efforts! I lost a lot of weight and found it more uncomfortable when a few people said nothing at all!

What teeth whitening strips do you recommend?

Your OP is a stealth boast because you asked "AIBU to feel embarrassed...." then went on about how good you look and your glow up (???whatever that is)

So you used the Aibu question as an excuse to tell everyone how beautiful you thought you'd become.

An unstealthy boast would have been
I'm very pleased with myself because I think I look great." But then you'd have had everyone asking what your AIBU is.

I think I was feeling good about it until I met up with s family member who sort of sniggered and said 'are you trying to look like an influencer or something?'

Meh, Ignore this nasty comment, it sounds like its coming from a place of jealousy.

I'd say "why yes, thats EXACTLY the look I was going for - fabulous to hear it landed!" and give them a beaming smile. They cant insult you if you wont accept the insult

Aw thanks for sharing!
What whitening strips did you use op?

Why shouldn’t you look your most fabulous at 40?!

I know what you mean, OP. I’ve lost 5 stone and really started taking care of myself, my hair is good, I get my nails done, I have nice clothes, etc. I just look good now, I catch sight of myself now in a shop window and think ‘Damn!’ Which is better than the swear words I used to use…

A lot of people have made nice comments about it and I just embrace it because I know I looked shitty before (no one would have said that to me obviously but it would be very silly of me to pretend I don’t look 20x better than I did, because I do and I’m aware of it). So I just say ‘Thank you! I’ve lost some weight/got some new clothes’. And feel grateful to know people who want to compliment me or make me feel good about myself.

Any of the things you did can make a big difference - the new hair cut - the bra improving your overall look so all the things you have done combined must have made a massive difference. I doubt anybody who is your friend thought you looked terrible before but it is all the things you have done make you look super fabulous. I do think a hair cut and make up change can knock years off someone so again it is probably not that you looked bad before but just more polished and great now.
The one who asked if you were trying to be an influencer - was clearly making a bitchy comment - I hate suggesting someone is jealous and maybe she is not - maybe she is just someone who doesn't like to see other people do well.

By your own omission you did look a state before! As it goes plenty of people who comment how great you look wouldn't have cared that you looked a state before nor judged you for it, but it's nice to make someone feel good by recognising they've starting making an effort in themselves because especially for mums it usually suggests they finally have some time, money and headspace to spend on themselves.

Well done, you! I hope I can follow in your footsteps. Totally relate to that feeling of losing yourself.

How lovely. Lap it up and feel proud of yourself.

My darling - you look fab, you should feel as fab as you look. Enjoy it & the attention that you get. 😘

I lost a shed-load of weight after my patents (who I cared for) died. I went down to about 4.5 stone & was a size 4 (I'm only 5'). Since meeting my now DH 5 years ago I've put on 3 stone & now a healthy size 8-10. People who I know are now telling me how much healthier I look & how concerned they were when I was so thin - they were wondering if I had cancer.

This is amazing.

So good to hear. I actually had a revelation the other day that yes, I SHOULD spend some (read: ANY) time on self care. Just started this journey, so very pleased to glean ideas from you. So far, I've: had my hair cut / coloured and maintain it day to day, used a hair mask a few times a week, put make up on, when i feel like it, .. my 3rd baby still doesn't sleep through the night, (which is soul (and face) destroying) so I'll be night weaning her ASAP. I've enjoyed feeling much more like 'me'.

My next step is clothes and exercise. My clothes are ridiculous at the mo, dirty, holey, baggy BLARRRG. Any tips on where to get started?? Oh, and I'm 36 - if that helps with suggestions.

Thanks for the inspiration

I honestly don't care where my post comes on your personal sliding scale of stealth to non-stealth. I don't care if 'everyone' (Mumsnet) thinks I'm beautiful. I'm interested in how other people felt when their appearance improved and other people noticed. You may have noticed that other people could relate to the conflicting emotions which comes with physical change.

When I compliment someone it's because they look better than me. I don't think it's 100% about you and what you use to look like. People are self centred mostly also it feels rude comparing to before so I imagine it's well intentioned

Well done- sounds like you have worked hard to look good. Why not boast. I love a ‘glow up’ story. Find them very inspirational : ) Would love before and after photo if you feel brave enough to share. I am similar height to you and know how much difference a stone and half would make (I’ve recently lost half a stone and that’s made a bit of difference) Love all your advice and think it’s so nice to make an effort with appearance.

Aw thank you. So I started off by thinking about my body shape and what used to look good on me pre kids. I always had a small waist and had a feeling it would come back if I lost some weight (it did). I followed style influencers and saved any outfit ideas they had that I thought I could rock with my (then futuristic flatter stomach and smaller waist). I went into shops and instead of looking for my usual midi dress and blocking everything else out, I actually walked around and looked at the stuff. I looked at women in the shops, at what they were looking at and started trying to see patterns in what teenage girls and women were wearing and kind of built up a case. So jeans in all shapes and styles, crisp white t shirts, blazers, nice shirts and I kind of mashed what I liked together in a way that suited my body type and kind of tried to balance my shape with fashion. I know that sounds so basic but beforehand my go-to was just floral dress/denim jack combo (which i still love!) but literally it was a uniform of that ever single day! I would say that I was always quite feminine and always went for a very feminine look but felt like I needed to harden it up. I started looking out for edgier things so I was a bit funkier and bit less renaissance painting inspired. I'm sorry! I'm useless at explaining!!!!

What I will say is that once I got my hair cut and coloured something changed in my mind and that set me off on another direction. One thing changed and it started a cascade of other things, so just start changing a thing at a time and keep your eyes open to other things that catch your attention amd make you feel a bit more alive.

Also, I decided to 'be more fabulous now' so I'd do the fake tan if I felt a bit pudgy and it kind of inspired me to make more careful food choices the next day as I 'didn't want to spoil my tan by not losing more weight' lol. My logic seems so bonkers but I just kept at it. For example if I did my nails, I'd feel more inclined to wear my nice bracelets and rings, and have a tanned arm to show them off on. Then I'd think well my jewellery and nails and tan really need this nice new blazer to maximise them haha

Sorry, this makes no sense! I guess it was all about small changes accumulating into one new style.

Congratulations on what sounds like a natural and healthy “glow up”! As pp said perhaps just think of a stock response for where people compliment you and then don’t dwell too much on it. If anyone mocks you it’s probably out of jealousy so either don’t react or look pityingly at them and ask them to clarify what they mean. They’ll likely lose their nerve or get flustered and backtrack but if they double down and openly insult you just tell them to keep their opinion on your appearance to themselves.

I’ve had something similar in the way of changes - lost over 2 stone the past couple of years, and sleeping and eating better, and exercising more. I’ve been playing with different hairstyles which suit my face, and shopping for my body shape which is short torso, long legs, small waist (kind of hourglass) . I’ve even worked on my posture and I think overall I look better than I have in several years.

My friends always complimented me , but mostly the change I’ve noticed in terms of people’s reaction is strangers treating me differently - better.

OP, life is so short.
Often your 40's is the last decade where you still feel "young" and really fab.
Good for you.
Also women often grow into their adult self in their 40's and nail that adult polished look.
Enjoy it, this decade will fly.
Looking after yourself will help buffer the peri menopausal symptoms!

Any bitch catty comments, cross those people off.
Surround yourself with those who are happy for yourself.
Well done for finding yourself again.

I'm so happy for you OP and thanks for the tips!!!! I've recently stopped breastfeeding and was also thinking it's time for a glow up!

Well done OP. Embrace it!

I’m in my 60’s and in the past 2 days I’ve had 3 strangers comment on how beautiful and stylish I am (for my age obviously). I do get slightly embarrassed

It takes yoy some time to really "own" the glow-up if that makes sense. To love the new person that you are and really feel confident in your own body. I'd maybe compare it to a 2nd coming of age?

But once you do it feels fabulous, you feel like queen of the world. I do think it's more common in your 30s/40s when you aren't as rushed and stressed out. I mean, in which film did Bridget Jones look her best? 3rd one, obvs! Also cos she finally owned looking good.

What a mean-spirited post!