To feel a bit embarrassed about my glow up?

[Donttalkaboutit]

I know this will sound very silly!
So over the past decade, my thirties, I've been having babies, breastfeeding, sleepless nights etc etc. I've been carrying excess weight and been dressing to hide my shape. My hair was dull and straggly and I just looked tired and (sorry to use the word!) 'Frumpy'.

Anyway, I'm now 40 and I have lost lots of weight, got my hair cut and highlighted and started wearing make up and stylish clothes. I look 100 x better.

Now when I meet people I haven't seen in a while they are shocked and tell me how much different I look, how young I look, how trendy I am and will comment all good things but inside it just makes me think I must have looked a state before!

I do actually think that I'm looking better than I ever did (!) and am just struggling with all of these compliments even though I know I should be really glad of them! I see.myself in the mirror and can't believe it's me and then get all self conscious when people say I look nice. I'm ve4y, very gracious of the compliments and always say thank you but inside I feel a bit silly or something??
Aibu to feel like this or is this normal?

OP I get where you're coming from... but as someone who looked pretty good in 30s, then had children fairly late with second at 39 and now looks always a bit messy and struggling to keep on top of my appearance as I chase after a toddler in my early 40s (and still have disrupted sleep), I'd say you did things the right way round :)

Thanks everyone! Lots of very sympathetic and understanding posts! Very kind! It has been weird and today I met someone who seemed so shocked and said 'you look ten years younger!' I don't know why but I felt really silly! I can't explain it!

All of the people who have been making the positive comments didn't know me when I was younger, slimmer and cooler and I think that's part of it. I sort of think 'she thinks I'm trying to be someone I'm not but, I'm trying to get back to what I was like before'. I don't know.

Anyway I'll continue to smile and say thank you and know that it's normal but not to over thinknit. Just enjoy it and be grateful!

Congratulations @Donttalkaboutit and well done for doing this now.
I am older than you and have just lost weight which, while not leading to a glow-up like yours, has dusted a few cobwebs off me and I really wish I had managed to do this when I was younger.
I do, however, completely understand your strange embarrassment as I have it too. I met some friends today and spent ages trying to figure what to wear so it wouldn't be too obvious as I feel overwhelmed if people comment too much.
Hopefully your brain will adjust soon and you can own it and enjoy it!

I was at a rheumatologist after an accident for an injection in my shoulder
When we met he said " you're 59? Whatever you are doing keep doing it". Not sleazy, just kind, his nurse was there too. Made my day.

My GP regularly tells me I look fab. Lovely man.
Its so worthwhile slapping on inexpensive setums twice a day and spf.

OP, well done, love to hear this, I’m feeling inspired.

Can I ask how, with young children, you’ve found the time to look after yourself, go shopping, do your fashion/beauty research, etc? Do you work full-time? At what point of the day/week do you spend time on this?

I need to know if this is achievable for me basically 😆 I’m 40 with a young toddler and look an absolute state every day. I haven’t bought any new clothes in years (not for lack of trying) and my style preferences have changed, so all my clothes are unfashionable/unflattering, but with working full-time and an energetic toddler, I don’t have the time to address it. How do you do it?

Yes, I work full time! I get up at 6am, have a v quick shower, maybe stick on a bit of gradual tanning body lotion and start doing my facial stuff in dribs and drabs while I faff around making coffee, sorting out lunches etc. So, put the kettle on then cleanse. Make the coffee and sip it while I put some serums etc, then get some more bits ready for the day. I have my make-up perfected to a full face in ten minutes. For my eyebrows I just use one of those face razors and pencil them in! Everything is done relatively quickly and I'm not perfectionist about it at all. 'Done is better than perfect'.

For my hair, I twist it into two twists after washing and tie them together and sleep in it and when I take it out in the morning, there are some waves and I just ruffle it about. Or it stick it up into a ponytail and put some nice earrings in, but its cute the way i have it bobbed.

Sticking on some extra jewellery takes thirty seconds and I paint my nails on a Sunday night and carry the polish in my bag to touch up any chops and remove it on the Wednesday which I just do as I'm taking my makeup off (so I get half the week with nice nails).

Then I just get dressed! And get my kids up at 6.45 l.

My youngest child likes someone in the room while he goes to sleep and I just go on my phone and look up some influences, check out shop websites etc. I read a good tip that looking at pictures on a fashion website can give good ideas about how to pull the entire outfit together. So I just save the outfits as screenshot and send them to my young hip colleague for her ideas!

I have a skincare routine in the evenings which I do After the toddler is asleep. Again, I do it in stages: cleanse my face and put a serum on, while I get my outfit for the next day ready. Put another serum on when that has dried and brush my teeth. Sometimes I use a very thick moisturiser on the top and will get some more jobs for the next day done while that sinks in.

In work I'm very intentional about getting my steps in and also have a short walk during lunch time. I try to make it up to 10,000 if I come under by going over to the shop for something when I get home.

All in all, I've built in systems and routines into existing systems and routines and have attached my beauty habits to things I already have to do.

Have a nice glass of Sherry dear

You got straight to the heart of it, it's not that it's not nice to have compliments BUT it does lead you to wonder what people thought of your appearance before and there's obviously nothing that you can do about that one. The reality is that you probably overthink what people thought back then but you were still the same person and liked and accepted for who you were. You're still you now, liked and accepted just the same.

Can you perform some sort of 're-set' in your mind that that was then, this is now?

I'm sure you look great and you've said how it makes you feel so that is really the important thing. I'm delighted for you!

We have 3 kids and I actually took it really hard that we won't be having any more (for very good sensible reasons). I felt like I could just keep having more and more babies until I physically couldn't, but had to use my brain and stop. So I was going through a time of immense confusion about knowing how blessed I was but also feeling completely lost that my baby making days were over. So I decided that I would do the most unpregnant/newborn/postpartum things I could do: lose weight, focus on my style, use retinol etc. So looking good is definitely my new baby!

Adore the full explanation and detail here, thank you! You sound super organised and on top of things 👏 hats off to you. I’ve always longed to be the type of person who chooses the next day’s outfit the night before but I’m so exhausted after putting my son to bed that I find it hard to motivate myself to do anything except collapse!

I think the first step for me is finding some new brands that speak to me - I don’t like any of the clothes in the shops I used to love in my 30s… But I don’t know where to shop instead. That’s where the research (and the time) comes in, I guess.

You’ve clearly put the work in and your glow-up is much deserved. Enjoy it!

Figuring out what you will wear are precious minutes in the morning.
Having it done the night before will give you a peaceful buzz before sleep.
Tired and all as you are, give it a try. It will be worth it.

At the weekend make up a easy capsule wardrobe for the week.
Team with some jewellery, scarves, a few short jackets, pretty cardigans so it is easier to choose.
Keepwork close together and always have spare spanking new white shirts ready to unwrap.

If I ever found a nice inexpensive white shirt, that fit well, I bought six.

A crisp white shirt teamed with any well cut toursers, when you are well made up, statement classy earrings and you are done.

A nice trench coat finishes any of the above.
I love a coat though.

Aw thank you so much! A lot of being organised about what I'm going to wear is having a mental picture of what I know is in my wardrobe and is clean. I don't necessarily leave it all out the night before but just know what's in there (I did the laundry so should know lol) and in the morning I just take out what I planned. I'm quite a Type B personality and not very organised so I do a lot of the brain work the night before without having to move. I also have all of thr makeup and brushes I need in a food bag (!) in my top drawer so I don't need to spend ages finding what I need. I'm all about the systems! With each child I've become more organised and efficient with my time!

Feel embarrassed about calling it a glow up and using the word trendy 😂 but don't be embarrassed about finally having some time to make you're self feel better

There’s no need for that.
More women should celebrate themselves, and we definitely shouldn’t be tearing down those that do.

Op, that’s awesome. Go you!
One of the things that’s helped me, is letting go of the need to defend myself, I don’t have to justify anything to anyone else.

Don't be a twat.

I think you should be proud of yourself for getting back on track after kids. It’s not easy. Hold your head high and enjoy it ☺️

How did you lose the weight?

This was me OP, spent my 30s in Ugg boots and leggings my world revolving around my toddlers , last couple of years I have had the chance to look after myself and people tell me I looked older at 30 then I do now at 40. Enjoy your glow up you deserve it x

I get this! You know you haven't changed on the inside yet people are treating you differently. Our society is shallow and when you have a big change in your appearance you meet that first hand

I think it's normal but you deserve to enjoy it. Well done for losing weight. Take the compliments as they come

Well you look fine now which is all that matters

I agree with PP that using the term glow up is a bit cringe and weird

I do know how you feel - the ‘you look amazing comments’ make you feel that you must have looked very un amazing . Don’t sweat it OP - we all have periods of life where we look better than others due to circumstances - congratulate yourself on a good job well done

There's no reason for you to feel embarrassment at all. There's nothing bad about taking better care of yourself, and try to look your best. Keep doing it, and don't look back!